Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is a jerk.

73 replies

WreckedRhonda · 25/09/2019 17:18

I have lost an important piece of paper, I asked the DCs if they could find it - I offered them a reward if they could to make it seem like fun. I then added that if Daddy found it he'd get the sweets instead.
He then says to me "Can I swap it for another treat instead?" but before I could open my mouth to answer he said "Scratch that I'll keep the sweets"

Obviously I was offended because I thought he meant that sweets were better than sex with me but I laughed it off and said "What do you mean?" to which DH replied "At least I know I'd get the sweets today" Shock

Over the last couple of months DH has been quite forceful about letting me know how much he wants sex, sometimes he barely stops short of just taking it. He's always making out like we don't have any, we literally had sex on Sunday and two days before that and so on.

I just don't get it. AIBU to think he shouldn't keep making comments like that to me? Or should I lighten up?

OP posts:
KM99 · 25/09/2019 17:47

I didn't say stop or don't. I felt dirty during and after in all honesty. He apologised later for being so pushy.

He wasn't pushy, he raped you. By the sounds of everything else you've written there is a risk this could get more frequent and more dangerous.

OrchidInTheSun · 25/09/2019 17:49

He's a rapist

thebakerwithboobs · 25/09/2019 17:54

You're married to a rapist. Get out.

lazylinguist · 25/09/2019 17:54

This isn't even one of those situations where it's unclear if he knew you didn't want to. He apologised afterwards. So he knows what he is doing. And he does it anyway, and makes 'jokes' about it. He is a disgusting excuse for a man, OP.

BanginChoons · 25/09/2019 17:54

My ex used to be like this. It's so horrible and eats away at your self worth. He shouldn't be doing this to you and does not respect you. Please do what you can to be safe.

Topseyt · 25/09/2019 17:55

He's a rapist. He forces himself on you whether you like it or not.

Get rid of him.

dowehaveastalker · 25/09/2019 17:56

Yuck. Why are you with him?

SunshineCake · 25/09/2019 18:02

I am feeling so sorry for you, @WreckedRhonda. It must be so hard to see it in black and white that your husband is assaulting you.

You have plenty of options. Do you need help and support with any of them ?

Quartz2208 · 25/09/2019 18:03

this will escalate OP you need to get rid of him now

He knows and he doesnt care. He made that comment in front of your children.

Tellmetruth4 · 25/09/2019 18:05

Sorry OP he’s a rapist. You can’t tell because it’s probably been a boiling frog type escalation.

recrudescence · 25/09/2019 18:11

Jerk doesn’t cover it.

Themyscira · 25/09/2019 18:19

Op I'm so sorry but that is rape.

Stabbitha · 25/09/2019 18:45

Yes. Boiling frog.

Right now he senses when you don't want it but goes ahead anyway if you aren't overly forceful with your no.

The force you need to say no with, in order to get him to stop, will get bigger and bigger until one day you are crying begging him to stop but he goes ahead anyway.

I'm so angry and upset for you.

IChangedMyNameBecauseIHateYou · 25/09/2019 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yogobo · 25/09/2019 18:51

It really doesn't matter how he used to be or wht he has changed. You're a human being op, not his sex doll. I'm sorry but please leave him. That's not right or respectful in any way and you really deserve better.

Wonderland18 · 25/09/2019 18:53

Genuinely find this hard to read, i hope your ok OP. Please leave this creep ASAP

Cherrysoup · 25/09/2019 18:54

What has happened recently to make him like this? You say it’s only the past couple of months? Have you raised it? Has he watched some shitty power play porn or something?

If you can talk to him, do so and tell him that it is absolutely not acceptable.

Pepperwand · 25/09/2019 18:55

I agree that this isn't a case of him not being sure that you didn't want it, the fact that he apologised afterwards tells you that he knew it was wrong but he did it anyway. I mean why would you want sex with someone like that? It's disgusting and not at all normal, I'm so sorry. You need to tell him and you need to look at your options.

SistersOfMerci · 25/09/2019 18:57

Never EVER chalk any of these things up to experience.

As others have said, give some serious consideration to wether you can have a talk with him and he understands this is harassment/rape and can stop it or just see a solicitor now and get rid.

Some men are just so utterly revolting.

IAmBumblebee · 25/09/2019 18:59

The 'realising that it was wrong but doing it anyway' is the most frightening part. Even he can sse that this is abuse, which, apparently, isn't a deterrant at all. Please seek help. All very well to say 'no' but what if he doesn't accept 'no' as an answer? x

rosamacrose · 25/09/2019 19:02

Your husband thinks you are his possession.
There for his using.

Lulualla · 25/09/2019 19:07

That's called rsoe. Take the kids and leave. Sort out his time with the kids once you are out of there. Do everything else through lawyers.

It doesn't matter if everything else is lovely, he's a rapist. It doesn't get better. It will get worse. Leave.

timshelthechoice · 25/09/2019 19:08

He raped you. What he's doing is a crime. You told him you needed to finish getting dressed, you did not give him any indication you consented to being pushed to your bedroom. He's a vile pig.

horse4course · 25/09/2019 19:08

You get the say over what you do sexually. He should care whether you consent and whether you enjoy it.

Sunnyjac · 25/09/2019 19:09

He’s pushing you into something without checking it’s okay. The fact that you feel dirty after shows this is not right. Only you can decide if you want to tell him how you feel and sort things out with him, assuming he would listen and take it on board. If you feel you can’t or he dismisses what you say then you need to get him out Flowers