To ask for your lightbulb moments in the early years of parenthood?

[HennyPennyHorror]

Mine was when my older sister told me "Put that baby in her room now...stop leaving her in her moses basket in the sitting room all night"

I, like many others I'm sure, had been keeping her in the sitting room with DH and I all evening. Fine when she was just tiny but by this point she was coming up for 3 months.

It was like a breath of fresh air to realise I could put her to bed with her monitor in our room. We could be alone.

My sister's was when she was weaning her twins and would prepare a bowl of food for them each...and two spoons. Then she'd go back and to between the bowls and the twins.

Another twin Mum called round and said "Just put two servings in one bowl...and have one spoon"

And she did...obviously when they were feeding themselves they had a bowl or plate each but those frantic mealtimes calmed down a bit for her!

Mine wasn't something tangible really, but more of a realisation that when a crappy phase ended it probably wasn't because I had fixed the baby...it was just that he'd developed out of that phase and was starting another . Sounds depressing but actually I found it very liberating to accept that almost nothing was under my control so I just had to go with it.

That it was ok to use a dummy!

My friend told me 'He can't roll off the floor'. Sounds utterly obvious, but he was only a few weeks old, I hadn't slept enough, my brain wasn't functioning and I was so worried he'd roll off the bed/sofa/chair. Just put him on the floor!

Not sure if I’d call it a lightbulb moment, but my partner and I are going through a bit of a tough time at the moment (currently living apart but working on it) and I’ve found caring for her alone has actually really made me relax! Things that felt so important and that I’d really let stress me out before, I’ve realised don’t actually matter when she’s as loved and cared for as she is.

For example, keeping her in a sleepsuit to play for a little while in the morning, sticking the tv on for a few minutes if I need a wee, letting her have her dummy if she’s especially grumpy or her teeth are bothering her (genuinely cannot wait until one makes an appearance, poor thing!), moving naptimes around slightly if we’re out or she’s especially tired, etc.

I used to put so much pressure on myself for every little thing, even something like letting her have one nap in the car if we were out and about would massively stress me out (how long would she sleep for, would she be less rested, would she sleep as well that night), and now I can see it for what it is, one nap! So I might have to bring bedtime forwards a bit, so what?

Basically, I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff!

One spoon for twins was a revelation for me as well. As was the simple "Can't the share a cot when they are tiny?" question when I was panicking about fitting two cots into my bedroom.

I also, thanks to loads of people at baby club and no confidence, kept stressing that my girls didn't sleep 7-7. My Nana eventually pointed out that 9-7 of good, uninterrupted sleep was much better than an hour long battle from 7-9 and then interrupted sleep from 9-12 because we were all stressed to the max.

My tip is most probably quite outdated now that most children s shoes have velcro, but I used the tie a small knot at each end of the childrens laces, it stopped them pulling the laces out

One of my practical revelations was when potty training at night (and beyond) double stack the sheets. So mattress, wet sheet, normal sheet, wet sheet, normal sheet, duvet. And have a spare duvet and pillow made up in the room. Made changing the sheets at 2 o'clock in the morning really quick!

Oak by wet sheet do you mean like a waterproof one?

Baby boys can wear tights under their trousers. It keeps their legs warm and you're not constantly looking for socks.

Aw yes I remember my nephew in tights. He had loads and some with little trains on them from H&M.

If your child is used to baths and you’re somewhere which only has a shower, but a tiny paddling pool (I got one which folds up from decathlon) and you can make a “bath” in the bottom of the shower cubicle.

Mine was really silly. My DS wasn't settling one night about 3 weeks out and I was over the cot a lot trying to settle them. At one point, I sat on my bed and must have fallen asleep sitting up. After I was gently woken up by a family member, they pointed out that I could lie down on the bed whilst waiting for the next cry . But after thst, DS had settled (until the next feed)

That he’d be alright if I didn’t breastfeed. I really tried for a week. He lost huge amounts of weight and was on his was tall SCBU. Everyone was a lot happier and healthier when we introduced a bottle of formula.

The baby won’t die or be brain damaged if you read the paper for 10,minutes without talking to him (in the same room, of course).

Omg one spoom for twins. I am so ashamed how long it took me to figure that out 🤣

If your husband can "just pop out" for half an hour when you have a newborn/small babe/toddler/bigger child even you can too (and should!) Moses basket handed over and stroll to coffee shop/go buy magazine whatever. There's no lock on the door!

That a meal doesn't have to be hot to be good for them and that if they're generally more hungry at teatime, feed them more then: I didn't have to try and force them to eat more than they wanted at dinnertime.

A friend with older DC gave me good advice last year about my rather challenging child: 'you get what you get'. Sounds very simplistic but it helped me let go of a number of fantasies I realised I'd been harbouring about wanting her to be more like me/DH as children.

Too many already to name here (and DS is only 2 so I’m sure there will be more)
For me it was when we attempted ‘light’ sleep training when DS was about 5 months. DH was trying it, first night and I remember walking in and saying enough of this, he is sleeping with me. That was actually a huge revelation for us as a family and I got more rest and actually didn’t make a rod for my own back!

I guess broadly, was just to not worry about making that rod and just do what worked at the time - and that usually what you do and how you do it doesn’t make too much difference to the outcome. Fussy eaters are fussy eaters, bad sleepers are bad sleepers and clingy babies are clingy babies! Luckily DS is not clingy and a good sleeper now but I wish he would eat more!

Great post OP.

Baby boys can wear tights under their trousers. It keeps their legs warm and you're not constantly looking for socks

Another revelation for me!

Sleep training

They can just eat what you eat, in the form that you eat it.

That it was ok to use a dummy
Mine was the other way round, you don't have to use a dummy and got rid of DS after a few days and didn't get one for DS2.i would have if it was going to be useful to him, I'm not against them and understand the benefits for some children but somenew born and young baby things I was doing 'just because' when in some cases there was no real need.

Just to chill out. Honestly I think some people make their lives so much harder for themselves, just look at the thread about what a "normal day" is, my day is similar but I don't stress myself out. DH and I do 50/50, but he works away a lot. A cleaner is a god send, out source where you can. And just don't put mile high expectations on yourself, is someone going to die if you don't iron those trousers or are 5 mins late to work? (Ok not applicable to emergency services lol)

Look at the big picture, reflect and breathe.

You don't have to play role play games with them! I read with them, do crafts, take walks, sing, tickle and other things but role playing is so boring and they always change the rules! I don't mind playing doctor when I get to lie down though! Luckily dd2 is now old enough to play with her older sister so they don't ask me as much. this is why I had a second child