Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To tell DS the trip is his birthday present?

68 replies

TrippinOut · 24/09/2019 21:22

There's a trip to Europe with school come Feb.

He wants to go.

His birthday is Dec. I have a lot to save for with Christmas.

I could manage it but WIBU to say the cosy of the trip is to be his main birthday present?

Or is that just mean.

It's 450 quid.

OP posts:

Notthetoothfairy · 24/09/2019 21:24

I think mean, the others are all going without this being treated as their birthday presents.

Teddybear45 · 24/09/2019 21:24

It would depend what the trip is for. If it’s a fun skiing trip etc then fine but if it’s something they need to do for a language course then you should get him a birthday present.

Isleepinahedgefund · 24/09/2019 21:26

I think that’s fine - it’s up to him if he chooses that or something else for his birthday.

If you can’t afford the trip as an additional luxury, he needs to understand that.

ravenshope · 24/09/2019 21:26

Can you give him the choice? Ask if he would rather the trip or a birthday present because it's either/or.

Isleepinahedgefund · 24/09/2019 21:27

She said MAIN birthday present, no only birthday present. And it doesn’t matter what other kids are getting - maybe their families can afford to spend £450 as a random extra but OP has indicated she is not in a position to do that.

Original poster

TrippinOut · 24/09/2019 21:28

I'm on disability benefit and a single parent so it's a huge amount of money to scrape together.

It probably is mean.

I was just thinking how Im going to do his birthday as well as Christmas and this.

He never asks for anything, bless him.

OP posts:

TeenPlusTwenties · 24/09/2019 21:28

I don't think it's mean if it is the only reasonable way you can afford it.

ElizaPancakes · 24/09/2019 21:29

Fucking hell, £450!

I have twins whose birthdays are Jan 17. I always feel they get a raw deal due to having the misfortune of being born between Christmas and January payday. If this were me, yes it would definitely be part of their present.

I would have the same rule for the other kids too when it gets to their turn - just make sure you note down that £150 is ‘birthday’ and the rest is you paying for it, or whatever split you choose.

However I’m going on the basis I couldn’t afford it. If you can with minimal fuss then it might be better not to.

Ginger1982 · 24/09/2019 21:29

Hmm...I wouldn't overtly say it was his birthday present but I would maybe say that his actual birthday presents reflect the fact that you've paid for the trip.

TwoleftUggs · 24/09/2019 21:30

Yanbu. We are doing just this.

Isadora2007 · 24/09/2019 21:30

I don’t think it’s mean- and you could get some bits he’d need like a passport holder, luggage case, travel toiletries etc to wrap up for him too. He is old enough to understand that it’s a lot to spend.

ElizaPancakes · 24/09/2019 21:30

Ok with your update I think you need to make this a condition. I thought your OP meant you were relatively flush.

catcatcatcat · 24/09/2019 21:30

I think it's totally fine. Get him a few small bits, but that's his main "present". Absolutely.

PrayingandHoping · 24/09/2019 21:30

Not mean at all! That's an expensive trip.

My parents would have given me an option as it's your present or you can't go. (It would also have been an incredibly generous JOINT Christmas and birthday present at that price I can tell you!)

Mrsjayy · 24/09/2019 21:30

Mine have left school a while back but I used to do this school holidays are not essential £450 is a lot of money for 1 childs holiday saying it is part or his whole present is fine and realistic it doesn't matter what other parents do or don't do.

Dieu · 24/09/2019 21:30

Main present, yes.

Only present, no.

Hope he enjoys the trip

Mrsjayy · 24/09/2019 21:33

I have never spent £450 on a birthday present for a random birthday so i always used to say it was part of their Birthday andgiven a small present to open

ShinyMe · 24/09/2019 21:33

My mum used to do that with me, and it worked well. She'd say this x that you want is very expensive but I could manage it - would you like it as your birthday present? Then I'd have time to think about it and think how much I actually wanted it.

In fact, thinking about it, she did that about lots of things - explained that money wasn't unlimited and that there were choices to be made. Once I was old enough she allowed me to have an input to decision making about that. It definitely helped me get to learn the value of money and the importance of thinking about expenditure before plunging in.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 24/09/2019 21:37

As long as he knows in advance and still wants to go then fine. Hope for £450 it's something fun!

NailsNeedDoing · 24/09/2019 21:37

Assuming it's a secondary school trip, he's going to be old enough that you can discuss it with him. Do it in a way that shows you value his maturity and opinions. Tell him that if you pay for the trip you won't be able to get him as special a present and ask him which he would prefer.

Or, as you're, on disability benefits then is your ds PP? Would the school be able to fund part of or even all of the trip for him?

Lollypop701 · 24/09/2019 21:41

My dc had a trip to Barcelona with school for similar amount as her birthday present and money from family as spending money.... it’s a lot of money!

Atlasta · 24/09/2019 21:42

It's a bit mean.
His mates asking what he got for his birthday and him replying "oh, the trip we are all going on". No. I'd tell him you need to cut back on gifts because you are funding this trip but do not say it is his present.

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 24/09/2019 21:44

My mother would say it was part of my christmas or birthday present. She was a single mother on widows allowance and nothing else. That's what she did when I went to London during the summer. It was my main christmas present and my relatives paid towards it or gave me spending money instead of Christmas presents that year. He'll understand why and it's good for him to know the realities of the financial situation, he sounds like a smart boy.

MsAwesomeDragon · 24/09/2019 21:44

If you are on disability benefits does he get free school meals, or has he in the past 6 years? Basically does he get pupil premium? A lot of schools will use some of the pupil premium money to give discounts for trips like this, although not all schools choose to use the money for that. It might be worth enquiring though, at my school it would be a 50% discount!! So well worth having.

I don't think it's mean to say the trip is his birthday present either. Lots of the kids won't be getting the trip as a present, but equally, lots of kids won't be able to go because their parents can't afford it. If you can afford it if it's a birthday present but can't if it's not, then obviously give it for his birthday. Talk to him. Explain that you can afford this for his birthday, but can't afford it if he's still expecting a big birthday present too. It's life. Life involves making choices about how to spend the money available.

Crockof · 24/09/2019 21:46

Not at all. It's real life, lots of my DC friends have had it for an Xmas present, often a combined one with grandparents. My DC chose to do something different and didn't go on the trip, it's a minority that go anyway.

Flip

1 2 3