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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DS the trip is his birthday present?

68 replies

TrippinOut · 24/09/2019 21:22

There's a trip to Europe with school come Feb.

He wants to go.

His birthday is Dec. I have a lot to save for with Christmas.

I could manage it but WIBU to say the cosy of the trip is to be his main birthday present?

Or is that just mean.

It's 450 quid.

OP posts:

Raspberrytruffle · 24/09/2019 22:36

Not mean at all especially if you're not financially well off. My daughter is 10 and for the past few years I've explained to her about the cost of things for instance she desperately wanted to go to legoland so it meant dogs going in to kennel, getting a house sitter. My youngest has cerebral palsy and does not tolerate long journeys so we flew from Newcastle to London, stayed in a hotel for 3 nights with meals, the taxis for going around Windsor and the tickets and gifts at legoland it cost over £5/600 in total and we are on disability and carer benefits plus we dont have savings so we booked to go in November provided she understood that it was her main Christmas present a few weeks early and she was happy with that, we are not tight just havnt got a pot to p!ss in. She got some token gifts off us at Christmas plus presents of family

Witchend · 24/09/2019 22:37

I chose for my birthday to go to France with the school rather than a present.

Not mean at all.

rookiemere · 24/09/2019 22:40

YANBU particularly at that age when it's hard to find presents that have any lasting value or significance, whereas I still remember both of the school trips I went on.

ThanksItHasPockets · 24/09/2019 22:40

Please talk to the school. We subsidise trips by anything between 30 and 50% for students in receipt of the pupil premium.

converseandjeans · 24/09/2019 22:41

YANBU it's a lot of money and he needs to understand that it's a lot for you. It's a lot for most people I would say.
Perhaps ask other members to get him pressies - or you get pressies and they help a bit with the trip or maybe some Euros?
If he's old enough could he do something towards it? When DS wanted to go on footie tour we sold some of his toys on FB, he did some bag packing and so on.
I'm not embarrassed that we can't afford stuff - it's just life & kids need to know these things are expensive.
As another OP pointed out you may be eligible for some help with the trip. There should be some pupil premium money for this sort of thing.

scubadive · 24/09/2019 22:46

Your child’s school will get pupil premium and thus can be used to fund school trips. Also all schools have to include a sentence in the trip invite letter advising parents that in the case of financial hardship you should apply to the school for funding.

You will definitely qualify and for all other trip, even day trips.

Butterfly84 · 24/09/2019 22:50

I wouldn't call it a birthday present.

Yes, it's a lot of money and something your DS will enjoy. Surely he's old enough for you to discuss with him that if he wants to go on this trip, you're very happy to pay for it but it will mean you can only afford a few small gifts for his birthday.

A good life lesson for him OP.

crocodileshavenoears · 24/09/2019 22:54

YANBU. This is how I always approach trips. DS1 went to Barcelona with school for £700 and that was his main Christmas and birthday present that year. DS2 went abroad with Cubs for £400 and that was his main Christmas present. They appreciate that there isn't unlimited money.

thebakerwithboobs · 24/09/2019 22:54

OP it is certainly worth asking the school about pupil premium but it is not the case that the school will definitely put pupil premium towards it. Schools choose how to spend pupil premium as it is thought they are best placed to know what to do with it. It could be that they use pupil premium to employ additional staff, equipment or therapies for example and the money can't be spent twice. I must admit that in my time as a head teacher, we were a touch reluctant to put pupil premium towards school trips because it's a finite thing. We could use the premium to send children on a trip for a week, which would be so beneficial to them, but actually that money could have paid for learning resources that they had access to all year. It's a tricky balance to find-by all means ask but please don't feel ripped off if the answer is a reluctant no.

To answer the original question, I entirely agree with the previous posters who have said not mean, as long as discussed with him. It sounds like you're raising a lovely lad, from your OP, and I am sure he will be understanding.

HerkyBaby · 24/09/2019 22:55

I think you should approach school and ask for some help towards the cost of the trip . It is not unreasonable at all to tell your child that if he really wants to go on the trip then it will be his main birthday present. I would go one step further and tell him that his spending money needs to be saved from any birthday or Christmas money. Children need to know that parents are not walking cash machines.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 24/09/2019 22:58

Not mean at all
My DD has a school trip in February costing £350
Told her she needed to choose between a main Christmas present or the trip and explained why
She chose the trip

HeartvsHead · 24/09/2019 23:02

I went on the school ski trip three years in a row for my birthday and Christmas combined present. Meant I got very small presents on my actual birthday and Christmas (less than £10 combined) but was my choice and totally worth it! Never felt hard done by was happy to be able to go.

PinkGinny · 24/09/2019 23:27

I've a very decent income and could easily afford the trip you describe and a 'big' gift - just for context. My DC (all now teens) would be getting the choice - trip or present. And I would mean it. A card on the actual birthday day if the trip was chosen. It's a large sum of money and not at all unreasonable to make sure your children know that.

Moonchild6124 · 24/09/2019 23:41

Id say it depends on his age. If he’s still quite young he might not get it but if he’s a teenager and reasonably mature I’m sure he will understand. You’re simply explaining to him that you can’t do/afford everything but as he really wants to go you have found a way to make it possible but it will come at a sacrifice. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all, yes some of the other kids might not have to have it as a present but no offence some of these kids are probably spoilt and unappreciative anyways. Maybe avoid saying it’s an early gift and tell him you will have to cut back on gifts substantially in December so you can set money aside for the trip.

NWQM · 24/09/2019 23:50

I'd say absolutely. Why not. Our daughter has gone on a lot of trips recently and we've agreed to her going to Eurodisney with guiding but she's having to ask for the things she needs and spending money as Christmas presents. We just couldn't afford it otherwise but even if we could I'd still do it because otherwise she'd get the usual list of stuff at Christmas and this way I hope she'll really value the trip.

HiJenny35 · 24/09/2019 23:55

I wouldn't say to him that it is his birthday present but I would say "if you go on this trip it's going to be a lot of money, I won't be able to do that plus Christmas plus your birthday so your birthday would only be tiny token gifts like a tshirt or chocolates would you be happy with that?"

Original poster

TrippinOut · 25/09/2019 08:52

I have emailed the school to enquire about pupil premium.

I will update when I hear back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:

TrainspottingWelsh · 25/09/2019 18:48

Fingers crossed. If he has free school meals he's definitely entitled to pp. The question is more whether he's already benefiting from it in other significant ways, or if he isn't whether the school have decided to spend it solely for the benefit of other pupils.

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