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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be unhappy with school’s response?

99 replies

Whatisthisfuckery · 24/09/2019 16:26

Ok, some of you might have read two previous threads on this matter. They’ve both been taken down now because of ongoing police investigations, so I can’t go into too much detail.

Anyway in a nutshell DS was attacked by a kid with a metal chain on the way home from school two days in a row last week. The boy was in uniform and as it was directly on the way home, had been carrying the weapon during school. There have also been other incidents that have taken place out of school, the most recent of which was an assault and attempted bike theft that involved metal chain boy plus other boys who go to the school. Other elements of this violence have leaked into school from the other boys too.

Metal chain boy has now been identified and excluded for three days. School are supposed to be liaising with the police over the identities of the boys as part of their investigations into the above incidents. They’re also supposed to be looking at CCTV for visual evidence of the boy having the chain. Last week they were looking at the wrong day, so yesterday I corrected them although they’d already been told. They said they’d follow it up but I’ve heard nowt.

I kept DS off yesterday because he’s terrified to walk alone. HOY called yesterday afternoon just as I was on the way out to the police station so I didn’t have time to quiz him but he said to send DS in this morning because they have a plan to keep him safe.

Anyway DS went in this morning. HOY wasn’t there to meet him as promised so the y7 mentor met him instead. Basically the plan is to keep DS in the library during break and lunch, let him move from lesson to lesson 5 minutes early and let him go home 5 minutes early.

For a start this doesn’t sound fair. Why should DS have his movements curtailed because of the bad behaviour of others? It also singles him out massively and impacts on his lesson time. School have given me no Indication of how long this is expected to go on for, in fact they’ve not contacted me at all. I’ve emailed HOY, head of safeguarding and head of behaviour this morning and had no response; I’ve called this afternoon and been unable to speak to anyone, and the receptionist said she’d pass a note over to get them to call back but nobody has.

So I’ve had no update on CCTV so I don’t even know if they’re doing what they said they would; I’ve had no word on what if any contact they’ve had with the police; and I’ve had no contact about how long DS will be effectively isolated from the rest of his peers.

I’m apoplectic, I’ve had to chase them continually and they’re still not communicating with me. AIBU to say they’re completely inept? On Sunday evening I was told by head of safeguarding that a meeting would be arranged to discuss al this, no such meeting has been arranged. What else can I do to get the school to communicate with me?

OP posts:
Ferretyone · 24/09/2019 18:59

@Whatisthisfuckery

Do please get involved with the police. What this assailant has done is terrible and deserves more than three days suspension. Depending on the injury inflicted on DS it is likely to be getting towards .... Bodily Harm.

Write to the Chief Inspector at the local police station and insist that something is done to charge this dreadful toad. Write to the local paper and give them the story to keep it in the public eye. I consider myself a liberal but this person needs putting away.

wibbletooth · 24/09/2019 19:11

Argh. Just lost a long post.

I would put a polite message on their twitter and Facebook accounts saying that you are urgently trying to contact them about their failure to safeguard your ds from the vicious bullies who have repeatedly attacked him and verbally abused him, that you have resorted to this as they haven’t returned your calls as promised and that you want to ensure that your ds will be safe in school without having to compromise his education or having to worry about being attacked with iron bars yet again. Copy in any governors, if the head has his own twitter account (or any of the senior teachers), the education office at the local council, ofsted and anyone else you can think of.

Chances are ofsted will ignore it or reply with a bland tweet about follow their procedures, the council might take notice but hopefully the head and SLT will do something - if only as damage control. It’s open evening season for y6 parents looking for y7 schools so they will be looking to make sure there’s nothing that will give prospective parents a chance to worry.

Check out when their open evening is - if you haven’t had any joy and are feeling brave then go along and ask questions about their policy on the basis that it’s the only time you are able to pin them down as they’ve been avoiding you.

If there’s a parents page for the school I’d also put something vague on that along the lines of has anyone else been bullied by [child] or seen them in school with any weapons, could they contact you in confidence. Plus do they have any advice on dealing with the school when a child is being bullied as you feel you’re been given the run around and are not being taken seriously.

I don’t know if it’s posdible but maybe one to ask the police - are they able to impose any sort of order or caution on the bully/bullies that would require them to not go within 50m or whatever distance is suitable where you are ? Then it would be the school that needed to keep the bully away from your son and and the bully that incurred extra penalties if he broke the terms...

LIZS · 24/09/2019 19:18

Social media will only antagonise and aggravate the situation.

Teachermaths · 24/09/2019 19:42

their failure to safeguard your ds from the vicious bullies

Since school have been aware of the incident they have safeguarded OPs ds. Whether or not you agree with how they have done it, OPs ds is safe.

There's a lot of frothing on this thread and not many actions that will actually achieve anything.

ASauvignonADay · 24/09/2019 19:49

Some of the suggestions are only going to create the school more work and give them less chance to actually do their job (including deal with this incident).

If at the end you really do not feel happy with how it has been dealt it, your best would probably be ofsted. But I would genuinely only do that if you think it is the right thing. It takes up so much time that actually is taken away from other children - but obviously can evoke change if the school is really handling things badly.

Boxofchocs007 · 24/09/2019 20:09

Didn’t it happen after school? Not sure they can do much. Why don’t you pick him up after school until the situation gets better.

ChilledBee · 24/09/2019 20:12

Sorry I will not "give over"when it comes to failures to safeguard 2+ children and people's nonchalant response to it. Probably why I can't be a teacher much longer.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/09/2019 20:46

Teacher but that's like saying we should lock up victims to keep them safe while their accused are out on bail.

I absolutely hate that it's always the victim that has to make sacrifices and compromises. Hated it when it happened to ds and will continue to hate it.

Thanks Chloe I'll bring it up with school at ds EHCP AR as a suggestion for future practice (by late for him as he 11) but hopefully for future kids. His school are fab so I know they'll listen (at least Wink)

Teachermaths · 24/09/2019 20:51

@youarenotkiddingme

So how do you propose the school can separate ds from the perpetrators if the school don't know who they are?

In an ideal world of course the bullies would be the ones isolated. But if you don't know who the bullies are it makes sense to keep OPs ds safe for now.

ASauvignonADay · 24/09/2019 20:59

How they can the bullies/perpetrators be isolated if they don't know who they are?
Does your son not know who they are?

Whatisthisfuckery · 24/09/2019 21:18

Hi all, I’ve been out all evening so haven’t had chance to read all your responses but I thought I’d check in before people thought I was a plopper.

I finally got a call from the HOY. He said that DS would be leaving lessons early for another day or two, just until he was settled back in. The metal chain boy would be back in gen pop on thursday but he’d have a reintegration meeting with SLT and his parent/s. He said he had to be careful about what he said because it was above his head but the boy would be told in no uncertain terms that if he came near DS again there would be very serious consequences.

Apparently CCTV showed up nothing. Head of safeguarding emailed me apparently but I never got it. I’ve checked junk and it’s not in there btw. He said he’ll email her immediately to tell her to get in touch. She is liaising with the police so he couldn’t give an update.

4 of the 5 boys from saturday’s assault and attempted theft have been identified, so hopefully school will be forthcoming with that information for the police. An officer is coming round tomorrow evening to discuss where he’s up to with the investigation. Hopefully there’s CCTV of the assault on saturday, but it’s not guaranteed. I expect a lot will ride on whether there is any. I imagine it’ll be a word from police to the boys and their parents and nothing more.

Mean while I’ve taken DS to a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class today that he really enjoyed so I’ve signed him up. Hopefully it’ll help build his confidence and give him some self defence techniques if he does get attacked again. I want to put positive things in his life for him to concentrate on, and ain’t no little shits gonna get in the way of that.

I’m looking into changing his school. I’m doing some research to find out which ones to go for and which to avoid. I’m not chucking him out the frying pan into the fire.

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 24/09/2019 21:33

That all sounds positive and I'm glad school have been in touch.

For some kids a word from the police will be enough to scare them. Hopefully this is the case and they will leave your ds well alone.

ASauvignonADay · 24/09/2019 21:45

I'd be fairly satisfied with that response.

I'd want it to be really clear who and how your DS reports any issues to.

I know if it was our school, we'd be keeping an extra close eye especially for the first few days after the metal chain boy's return.

Whatisthisfuckery · 25/09/2019 16:53

Well, another day has gone by and no contact. Hoy told me yesterday that head of safeguarding had emailed me but I received nothing, and yes, I did check my spam. He told me that he’d email her again as a matter of priority as I needed an update before the police visit. I haven’t heard a thing. DS just came home and said that the y7 mentor told him that head of safeguarding would meet with him today, but that hasn’t happened either.

The policeman who was supposed to visit has postponed until tomorrow, so I have an extra day, but I’m bloody fed up of the school’s failure to keep in contact with me, especially as they have promised to do so. It seems like I have to push and push, then they’ll do one thing then stop again until I kick up another fuss. Grrrrr I’m annoyed.

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 25/09/2019 17:34

This is so poor. What a rubbish school! Sad

brighteyeowl17 · 25/09/2019 17:36

Contact the whistleblowing number for your local authority.

gingerbiscuits · 25/09/2019 19:11

Dear God, they are being horrendously inept & unprofessional- you are absolutely right to be outraged. Your poor boy.

I would immediately complain to the School Governors & Local Education Authority. Keep your son home, update the Police & don't let it drop. I'd also demand that your son be moved to an alternative acceptable school on the grounds of physical safeguarding/mental health risks.

Good luck! X

Whatisthisfuckery · 25/09/2019 20:49

Oh, I’m on it. The lack of communication is shocking. I know they’re busy, but if this had happened to a member of staff you can bet their approach would be different. The perpetrater wouldn’t be back at school after three days for a start.

OP posts:
Babysharkisanearworm · 25/09/2019 20:59

3 day exclusion?
For several violent incidents?
Disgusting

Whatisthisfuckery · 25/09/2019 21:35

I’m beginning to think the quickest and easiest way to deal with it is just to move DS. I’m researching local schools to see where’s worth sending him. It won’t stop the out of school stuff but at least he can have an education in peace, hopefully. DS likes school, he even does extra work, I don’t want some violent little shits ruining his future.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 25/09/2019 22:41

Baby my ds has a knife pulled on him in a classroom and the kid got 2 day exclusion! It's pathetic.
Schools answer when my ds was too scared to return (tried to end his life instead of ever having to return) was to unauthorise the absence and contact la who threatened me with court. He was even attending medical appointment with Camhs due to MH over the issue and they actually said "well we don't believe he has any reason to be anxious as boy is excluded for 2 days so we won't authorise".

I told LA via an email that they are more than happy to take me to court as I'd love a judge/ tribunal opinion on this.

My ds ended up having to move schools.

The school do know who the kids are. They've been identified. And if they don't know them all they should make sure ds has someone walking or watching between lessons to intervene and watching discretely at social times.
He should not have to disappear to prevent being assaulted.

Blackdog19 · 25/09/2019 22:45

The school sounds horrendous. I hope you manage to move your son to a better school.

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 25/09/2019 22:55

Honestly, move him.

From experience I had this level of bulling and the schools action plan was to send me home for lunches, keep me in at breaks and release me 5 minutes early at the end of the day. The bullies involved blamed me for all the trouble they got into and it came to head one day when they ambushed me on my 5 minute early release and set fireworks at me. I still have the scars from the burns.

kitk · 25/09/2019 22:59

I've seen one previous thread before deletion but didn't read it all. From your op cab I suggest getting a copy of the school complaints policy and following to Letter aS if you skip steps you won't progress. Also log everything and keep reporting to police

LolaSmiles · 25/09/2019 23:05

This isn't on with them not stepping up. Have you kept a list from your last threads too?
Great news on the exclusion for chain boy but it shouldn't be much to identify the other two.

In my school, the victim would have some change in routine (e.g. out for lunch early with a friend and a safe space) whilst we identified the other students and then (usually 1-2 days depending on how good we manage it) the suspects are the ones who are isolated pending investigation. Their parents are informed that they'll be in isolation as we have grounds to believe they were involved in X incident, we are keeping them out of circulation as a temporary meausre to allow us to investigate properly and then we'll be in touch at the end of the investigation with an update either way.

Chilledbee returns. The supposed SLT member who shows up on every thread ready to badmouth teachers and give inaccurate and unhelpful advice Hmm