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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still be unhappy with school’s response?

99 replies

Whatisthisfuckery · 24/09/2019 16:26

Ok, some of you might have read two previous threads on this matter. They’ve both been taken down now because of ongoing police investigations, so I can’t go into too much detail.

Anyway in a nutshell DS was attacked by a kid with a metal chain on the way home from school two days in a row last week. The boy was in uniform and as it was directly on the way home, had been carrying the weapon during school. There have also been other incidents that have taken place out of school, the most recent of which was an assault and attempted bike theft that involved metal chain boy plus other boys who go to the school. Other elements of this violence have leaked into school from the other boys too.

Metal chain boy has now been identified and excluded for three days. School are supposed to be liaising with the police over the identities of the boys as part of their investigations into the above incidents. They’re also supposed to be looking at CCTV for visual evidence of the boy having the chain. Last week they were looking at the wrong day, so yesterday I corrected them although they’d already been told. They said they’d follow it up but I’ve heard nowt.

I kept DS off yesterday because he’s terrified to walk alone. HOY called yesterday afternoon just as I was on the way out to the police station so I didn’t have time to quiz him but he said to send DS in this morning because they have a plan to keep him safe.

Anyway DS went in this morning. HOY wasn’t there to meet him as promised so the y7 mentor met him instead. Basically the plan is to keep DS in the library during break and lunch, let him move from lesson to lesson 5 minutes early and let him go home 5 minutes early.

For a start this doesn’t sound fair. Why should DS have his movements curtailed because of the bad behaviour of others? It also singles him out massively and impacts on his lesson time. School have given me no Indication of how long this is expected to go on for, in fact they’ve not contacted me at all. I’ve emailed HOY, head of safeguarding and head of behaviour this morning and had no response; I’ve called this afternoon and been unable to speak to anyone, and the receptionist said she’d pass a note over to get them to call back but nobody has.

So I’ve had no update on CCTV so I don’t even know if they’re doing what they said they would; I’ve had no word on what if any contact they’ve had with the police; and I’ve had no contact about how long DS will be effectively isolated from the rest of his peers.

I’m apoplectic, I’ve had to chase them continually and they’re still not communicating with me. AIBU to say they’re completely inept? On Sunday evening I was told by head of safeguarding that a meeting would be arranged to discuss al this, no such meeting has been arranged. What else can I do to get the school to communicate with me?

OP posts:
GhostWalk · 24/09/2019 17:52

Your poor DS 😞 I would de register and apply to a different school.

Tonnerre · 24/09/2019 17:52

Are you in touch with the head? S/he is the only person who can decide on exclusions. I'd suggest asking for a meeting at which the agenda will be:

  1. How are they applying their bullying policy.
  2. How are they applying their safeguarding policy.
  3. How are they applying their discipline policy.
  4. How do they propose to keep your son safe in a manner that does not in effect involve him being punished for what these other children are doing.

Really with three attacks having happened, they have more than enough to exclude the main perpetrator permanently and, although they can't talk about the other child, it's reasonable to ask in general terms why they haven't done that.

If the meeting doesn't resolve it, get a copy of the complaints policy and pursue that.

KOKOtiltomorrow · 24/09/2019 17:56

My DS was assaulted in high school and school implemented similar ie it was my DS who got curtailed. I asked what the punishment would have been if the assault had happened against a teacher and they squirmed at that as clearly would have been tougher. Disgraceful that your DS should be treated like this and hope you get a resolution

notapizzaeater · 24/09/2019 18:00

Shocking response from them, surely the bully should be getting punished not your son

FamilyOfAliens · 24/09/2019 18:09

In my experience, you need to go to the school and tell them you are not leaving until you’re allowed to speak with the head teacher. You’ve tried going through other staff.

I am always very much of a “both sides of the story” view when it comes to schools but this is totally a unacceptable response from them.

Welltroddenpath · 24/09/2019 18:09

Yes as pp I would start mentioning deadlines and complaints to governors.

A chronology of events and what school they would do, what they have actually done, what you want, by when then take it higher

ASauvignonADay · 24/09/2019 18:14

Contact with police is often REALLY slow. Like it often takes weeks and we as the school are chasing them to get updates.

Their safety plan (short term) is fairly standard - the identified boy has been excluded and they don't know the identities of the others.

People are quick to criticise the school - but I haven't seen any sensible suggestions of what they do instead?
Also, why would a school cover up bullying? Genuinely if we've got an unpleasant child we want to catch them out and come down hard on them. Why would schools want to lose a good kid over a trouble maker?

I do agree the communication sounds slow though.

I wonder if the boy will be sanctioned further if they can evidence he had the chain in school. They will have to prove it - they can't just assume.

ASauvignonADay · 24/09/2019 18:16

Sorry pressed reply too soon.

I would contact in writing to request the meeting. I wonder if they're trying to gather as much info as possible before updating you, but I would expect them to keep in contact.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 24/09/2019 18:19

God that sounds awful. No absolutely not ok. I would say that he isnt coming in and request some work. Whilst I get they cant do everything they dont seem to be making any attempt to communicate with you or guarantee your son's safety. And no he shouldn't be the one to have his routine altered, that's ridiculous.

@ChilledBee goodness you really are quite obsessed arent you?

Yabbers · 24/09/2019 18:21

Basically the plan is to keep DS in the library during break and lunch, let him move from lesson to lesson 5 minutes early and let him go home 5 minutes early

DD does this because of her disability. I hadn’t realised she was so massively disadvantaged by it or singled out. Seems a perfectly sensible way to keep her safe.

ChloeDecker · 24/09/2019 18:31

I'd be furious, he'll miss every piece of homework

Why? Homework is set at the start of lessons these days, not at the end.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/09/2019 18:32

Yabbers my ds has this option due to his disability. But that's for the pupil to support their disability.

I think the issue here (and I agree) is that the boy is having to do this and be separated at social times due to others behaviour.

I'd email school again.

Point out that isolating your ds is t the answer to keeping to safe. The answer is that they supervise and monitor and separate the pupils involved.
They must be escorted around the school, they must be separated at social times for the safety of other pupils and your ds must be allowed to partake in his school day safely without having to hide away.

ChilledBee · 24/09/2019 18:33

OP was told in another thread that it was quite alright nobody had gotten back to her after 24+ hours IIRC. So yes, I do expect she'll be told that's the limit of their powers.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/09/2019 18:33

Chloe not in every school throughout the whole UK!

ChloeDecker · 24/09/2019 18:36

OP was told in another thread that it was quite alright nobody had gotten back to her after 24+ hours IIRC. So yes, I do expect she'll be told that's the limit of their powers.

Oh give over ChilledBee. That was on the first thread and it had only been a few hours at the time, at about 9 in the morning. It was also not the only advice being offered. Bore off with your grudge why don’t you?

ChloeDecker · 24/09/2019 18:38

Chloe not in every school throughout the whole UK!

You’d be surprised. It should be so that those with SEND have enough time to record it properly and carefully. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t anymore.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 24/09/2019 18:39

Indeed.

It's so so boring.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 24/09/2019 18:40

But actually - yeah, there IS a limit to their power. What annoyed thing to complain about. They arent fucking omnipotent.

But i dont think they are doing everything in their power. Surely that is the bigger issue?

youarenotkiddingme · 24/09/2019 18:44

Ah that's makes sense Chloe and I wish schools did that before homework apps as my ds would have benifitted with his LD. now they tend to hand out the sheets at the end before they pack so they go in bag and not get spread around classroom! The actual homework isn't recorded as it's online.

HolesinTheSoles · 24/09/2019 18:44

This is all happening in Y7? Absolutely horrendous. Are there other schools you could consider? I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your DS OP.

HolesinTheSoles · 24/09/2019 18:47

DD does this because of her disability. I hadn’t realised she was so massively disadvantaged by it or singled out. Seems a perfectly sensible way to keep her safe.

That's completely different, presumably she chose that option because it was the best available which would allow her to work with her disability. In general of course there is a massive social disadvantage to be being stuck in the library at lunch and break times! When are you meant to socialise?!

ChloeDecker · 24/09/2019 18:51

Ahh youarenotkiddingme. That is really not good practice and so sorry that is your son’s experience poor thing. Even with online homework apps, the homework should be ‘set’/discussed soon after the start of the lesson and that is part of teacher training/CPD.

Teachermaths · 24/09/2019 18:52

They must be escorted around the school, they must be separated at social times for the safety of other pupils

We have no member of staff available to do this... Where do you suggest we would magic one up from?

OP has already said all the perpetrators haven't been identified. So how can you separate them? The only way to guarantee her ds safety is to separate him for now.

HappySonHappyMum · 24/09/2019 18:53

At this point I'd have lost all trust in the school and I'd actively be searching for a new school. But I would get the email address of the head of governors, an email address for the local authority, and for ofsted and copying them in on every communication from now on. If the school aren't dealing with your concerns then you go higher up the chain. You'd be completely justified.

hidinginthenightgarden · 24/09/2019 18:55

Enough is enough! They have demonstrated multpile times now that they cannot and will not prioritise your son and his safety.
Please pull him put and find another school!

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