AIBU to ask how you deal with teenage cannabis use?

[TheLittleDogLaughed]

Dd is17 and I honestly never thought I’d be in this situation with her as she was kind of scared of drugs until around 6 months ago when she started college.

She started smoking some of a friend’s weed after college. I could smell it and see her different behaviour but she lied about it - also a new habit that she’s become very good at. Since then it’s escalated to being most days and her donating any bits of money she has towards it. She has v little money in one go as I stopped giving her lunch money at the start of the week because it all went on weed. She smokes sometimes alone at night. Always lies. Some days she’s completely out of it and goes to sleep at 8pm.

I’ve removed PS4, changed her smart phone for a crap phone, trued talking to her over and over. I’ve got upset, I’ve been understanding. Nothing is changing what she’s doing.

Does anyone have advice or similar experiences? Should I learn to live with it? I can’t tell you how she’s changed in such a short space of time.

What's her grades like at college?

I could theoretically turn a blind eye to it so long as she's not being a dickhead at home and she's getting all her work done.

She’s doing an art course so not getting grades specifically that I can assess. She gets in on time around 50%

It's a normal teenage phase, at least for many teenagers. I'd ignore it as long as she is doing well at college and behaves at home. I did it, but in my twenties, don't now of course (I'm old). My son and his friends all smoked weed, they outgrew it.

Very difficult

I certainly wouldn’t be turning a blind eye to it given the change in her but do encourage open discussion.

Young Minds website maybe of help.

I wouldn’t tolerate it. Her behaviour has changed. Lying and smoking it alone is really troubling.
All weed smokers I know are a little bit grubbier than others. Knock it on the head and show her other ways of fitting in, being sociable or coping with life’s difficulties.
It isn’t a teenage phase if it’s using up her money.

I'd explain the mental health risks. Weed today is not as it was when we were younger. There are some absolutely dangerous strains and it's so strong.

I wouldn’t be turning a blind eye.

FYI, some posters on Mumsnet ( or a vast majority) smoke weed. To them, it isn’t a big deal so you may not get the answers you’d hope for.

The problem is it’s so normalised now. I wish I had advice but I don’t. I feel your pain. Just make sure she understands the risks, especially if you have depression or psychosis in your family. And offer her help with quitting frequently.

If she wants to do it she will regardless of what you say!
She’ll just lie more & more

You can give advice and hope she listens but at that age they think they know best!!
It’s a new thing she’s learnt, she’s not at school anymore

Kids smoke it in secondary school, they sell it in fact

A normal teenage phase??

FFS...🙄

Op it's not normal for teenagers to smoke it...maybe some do, but not the majority...it's illegal, it's a class B drug, ..

Look how it's already affecting her behaviour, you need to find a way to get her to stop using it before she is addicted..

If she's smoking it at home then you need to be strict, your house, your rules...no using it in your home (don't let her keep any in your home)

If you are giving her money then stop, if that is what she is using money for then cut off her money from you

If she is using her lunch money to buy it then stop giving her lunch money and give her a sandwich and snacks to take with her...yes she may feel embarrassed if her friends are buying lunches but she cant go and buy weed if she doesn't have it

In other words ban it being kept or used in your home, and make it very hard for her to buy it (don't give her any money)...if she is still getting it after having no money, then you need to ask yourself and her what is she doing to pay for the weed if she has no money..

Don't let this go...while she is 17 and under your roof you have a chance to straighten this out ..once she is 18 and moved out you won't get a say

Thanks for the replies.

With regard to money, when she first started college I agreed to give her £20 a week for coffee / drinks / snacks and any odd materials she needed to buy. Now I give her £3 a day but I can stop that. I’m not sure it’s a solution though because I can’t never give her money again for anything and she is with a group of friends who all smoke and I think she saves bits to smoke at home. When she does smoke at home it’s on the balcony of her room after I’ve gone to sleep or when I’m at work. Hard to catch her but I can smell it / tell by her behaviour that she has.

The mental health risks are what scare me the most. She’s always suffered from anxiety and OCD - which is probably why she smokes, to escape that. But yes the strong skunk - I’ve read awful things about psychosis and I think she is someone who could be vulnerable to that.

I’ve talked to her repeatedly and we’re now at the stage where she blanks me if I raise it and becomes hostile. She knows the health risks and my concerns but I don’t see anything stopping her. It seems to be such a focus of her and her friends. I discovered her Instagram picture is now her holding a spliff in profile.

I feel that the more she smokes, the more alienated we become.

It's a normal teenage phase

It really isn’t a normal teenager phase, when did taking illegal drugs be seen as normal

"maybe some do, but not the majority."

I really disagree actually. When I was young, everybody smoked it. I was the only one who was never very interested. So I think it is pretty normal but a lot of teenagers are better at hiding it than OPs daughter.

Lying to your parents, unfortunately, is also normal at this age. God knows I did, about basically everything.

I would definitely keep lines of communication open. Punishing at 17 is too much imo (though I'd be expecting her to pay for her own phone anyway esp if she has money for weed). You just risk pushing her away and more into this kind of stuff. I got really into drinking and shagging around at university and part of it was not having a good relationship with my parents.

She's becoming an adult and that involves rebelling against family norms. Just keep talking to her and not blaming her.

I wouldn't be letting her smoke at home though, not least because the smell turns my stomach.

I discovered her Instagram picture is now her holding a spliff in profile.

A future problem may be that some potential employers trawl back through candidates social networks to see what the person is really like. This isn't going to help with employability.

It's very difficult and I empathise. My eldest has smoked weed since he was 14, he's now 24. Yes he holds down a full time job, is well thought of at work, but his temper is vile, he's utterly mercurial, with bouts of paranoia. It's all due to cannabis psychosis. There is a clear and consistent link to psychotic episodes

I presume the NHS is a credible website to all posters?

www.nhs.uk/news/mental-health/cannabis-linked-to-psychosis/

Half the posters on here will deny such thing exists of course because they do drugs and see nothing wrong with it. But you ask any psychiatric nurse on locked wards who the majority of the inpatients are, and it is males with a weed problem, often with a West Indian or Caribbean background

thinker sorry your son was so affected by it. It drives me crazy when people say it's not dangerous. It can be a horrible drug and I hate how normalised its usage is becoming.

At the very least, people who take it a lot often become extremely fucking dull as it's all they can talk about.

It's not 'herbal' as he keeps insisting,. It's cut with things like weed killer and other substances to make it addictive. The strains are much stronger.

The dealing is blatant on the high street, the police seem to be powerless to do anything about it. My younger boy works in McDs through 6th form and often walks home at 11 or 12 and he's accosted from every door way he walks past to buy this filth. And I live in a reasonably nice area. It is everywhere.

LiveInAHidingPlace it does make people dull. Dd looks dead, her humour has vanished and she retains nothing I say so conversation is useless when she’s high.

How about a trip to your nearest big city/town? Seeing young people in a spice coma in the streets gave my teens a reality check about drugs and how fragile their mental health is.

"Seeing young people in a spice coma in the streets"

I don't think taking children on a tour of local drug users is very ethical.

Besides which, teenagers never think it will happen to them. I literally had no concept of death or illness at that age, it was something that happened to old people or people with bad luck, but never to me.

Unfortunately it is very very common and a huge percentage of teens will at least try it, even the ‘sensible’ ones. It’s also a platform for stronger drugs for those with certain personalities.

However I really can’t see what else the OP can do.

The vast majority of MN smoke weed?

I genuinely LOL'd at that!!!

Thank you, that made me chuckle.

From experience it's a normal teen phase. The two thing that would worry me would be failure to complete the college course and becoming addicted to nicotine. This is how I started smoking actual ciggerettes - I ran out of puff but craved the nicotene.

Problem is, everyone smokes weed now. It's so strong! What's wrong with solids or a bit of pollen??

I always laugh when I read people say "it's a normal teen phase" - not just about drugs but all manner of things, such as treating your parents like a piece of shit. Because my friends and I obviously lived in a parallel universe. My teen years were 1987-1993 and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many smoked cigarettes, let alone anything else, and I had a very wide circle of friends in and out of school/sixth form.

Tokanismjest we live in London and see plenty of people strung out on all kinds of things when we go into town but it’s v hard to equate them with dd and her friends. They are mainly v pissed and a lot are homeless.

NoDontLookAtMeImShy what are solids and pollen?