AIBU to ask how you deal with teenage cannabis use?

[TheLittleDogLaughed]

Dd is17 and I honestly never thought I’d be in this situation with her as she was kind of scared of drugs until around 6 months ago when she started college.

She started smoking some of a friend’s weed after college. I could smell it and see her different behaviour but she lied about it - also a new habit that she’s become very good at. Since then it’s escalated to being most days and her donating any bits of money she has towards it. She has v little money in one go as I stopped giving her lunch money at the start of the week because it all went on weed. She smokes sometimes alone at night. Always lies. Some days she’s completely out of it and goes to sleep at 8pm.

I’ve removed PS4, changed her smart phone for a crap phone, trued talking to her over and over. I’ve got upset, I’ve been understanding. Nothing is changing what she’s doing.

Does anyone have advice or similar experiences? Should I learn to live with it? I can’t tell you how she’s changed in such a short space of time.

I don't know how you would stop it, but do not ignore it, my son smoked it as a teenager, and had awful mental health problems, through his teenage years and early 20s.
He died at 26 .

You can tell someone who’s been into weed for years a mile off...slower, ever so slightly slurred speech and actions (when not high). It seriously fucks you up.

How healthy is she in general op? Could you indirectly point her in the direction of ‘general’ wellbeing? Such as asking her to be your running partner as you want to look great in your Xmas party dress...finding a new skincare regime supposed to do wonders for xyz...go pay £x and have your teeth professionally whitened. And all the while drop in that running would be easier/skin better if she didn’t smoke. And you’re happy to pay for her to have her teeth done/expensive treat facial when she won’t wreckre results with smoking.

queenMab99 I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s my nightmare. Dd has suffered from mental health problems since she was around 13 already. I think she’s self-medicating.

JadeDragim23 I think you’re right re offering an alternative to strive for but none of the health / ‘beauty’ stuff cuts it with dd as she’s a grungy art student. I was wondering about singing lessons though because she’s always wanted to do that and smoking would seriously affect her voice?

JadeDragon23 I mean sorry.

I went to a very "naice" girls grammar and most of my friends smoked cannabis from 5th form upwards, and in our uni days. I steered clear of it then but had a little dabble in my early 20's. I think DS 2 had a little experimentation in the way towards the end of his time at school too, though not now he has graduated. I wouldn't be too concerned myself, I suspect arty types are more interested, as they always have been, as in my day the girls doing science subjects and languages were far more sensible.

We all lied to our parents about nearly everything. Happy days of buying a child's ticket on the train, putting our make up en route and then getting served in the pubs of the local county town. I think teenagers have behaved in this way since time immemorial and a bit of pearl clutching isn't going to help at all. OP, try developing a better relationship with your daughter and please don't be too judgemental, it will only drive her away.

Don’t ignore it.

Could she be ADHD? That can cause many problems and most undiagnosed sufferers self-medicate with nicotine, alcohol and drugs.

Not ADHD I’m certain because she is v quiet and, if anything, depressive. Low energy, an introvert. I know she worries and finds socialising hard. I imagine the weed is an ice-breaker socially. Escapism too.

"Not ADHD I’m certain because she is v quiet and, if anything, depressive. Low energy, an introvert. I know she worries and finds socialising hard."

Sounds like me and I have ADHD. It appears very differently in women and girls. Maybe consider it, a LOT of women have it and don't know (I didn't til late 20s).

Do you mind me asking how you found out you have it?

Well I was a teen in the 90s and I was about the only person who didn't smoke it or hadn't tried it. I now live in quite a nice area and I smell it all the time. I do think it has been fairly normalised now. Unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do. The more you push this, the more it pushes her away

I don't think it should be ignored at all, as a parent it is your job to navigate them through these situations. Maybe you could call frank or other drug helplines for advise.
My brother smoked weed from the age of 15 he is now 40 and is homeless with serious MH issues and there is nothing we can do for him. We can't get a mh diagnosis (possibly bi polar/schizophrenia/psychotic break) until he is 6 weeks clean so therefore no medication to help with these issues and he refuses to get clean because he is so paranoid he thinks the FBI are watching him from drones in the sky (just 1 of his many delusions)
The stress this has put on my parents is unbelievable with them having counselling and taking medication, not eating etc... this has all stemmed from his cannabis use. If someone had intervened we might not of found ourself in this situation.

@TheLittleDogLaughed Another one here who wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until her 20s. ADHD in girls/women often manifests as internal hyperactivity, not the stereotypical physical hyperactivity you'd expect. THANK GOD it got diagnosed and treated in my early 20s - I was very lucky to have parents who never stopped trying to find out "what was wrong with me". One day they shared something they'd found online about ADHD and it was like a lightbulb going off. I was very similar to how you describe your daughter (happily I'm relatively sorted now as an adult). She might look low energy to you but I bet she's got a million thoughts buzzing around her head at any one time. Feel free to ask whatever you like, if my experience can help somebody else that's a great thing.

Make contact with ukna.org/
and have a look here: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/

DerbyshireGirly she has always complained about having too much going on in her head and I do feel that she finds it very difficult to retain any information I give her. This is much worse with the weed smoking. She is under CAMHS at the moment - should I ask them to assess for ADHD? What is the treatment for it?

Yes, you could ask CAMHS for help getting an assessment. That’s a great idea. It might take a while, so do also ask them about getting a private assessment too.

If you google “women and adhd symptoms” you’ll see that women are far more likely to present as ADD, and to be the dreamy, “world of their own”, withdrawn and preoccupied type. It’s boys who have the typical “bouncing off the walls” symptoms.

I’m really glad you’re looking into this. It could save her from a lifetime of self-medication, and going from job to job, never fulfilling her own potential and feeling really bad about herself.

How is she with basic life-admin tasks like returning books to the library, remembering to buy and post birthday cards, following through on plans, and managing her money? Those are the things I struggle with. But the upsides are great too - creativity, and bouts of intense hyper-focus.

Treatment is usually medication. You can manage it with lifestyle changes too. But medication is an option.

"HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo* (great name btw) - she has absolutely no organisational skills whatsoever and no concept of time or timetables. What kind of medication is usually prescribed?

My friends son has smoked since he was a teenager and it's sad to see him now.
Just been kicked out of his rented property and unemployed. Very sad

It IS normal to try weed when you're a teenager... but not every night on school nights, not being late for college and not spending all of your money on it. Once every few months would be normal (like sneaking booze).

@filka those of us who were teenagers with social media know to wipe out all existence of idiot behaviour when we're leaving uni. Most of my friends and I completely wiped Twitter and Insta.

I think more of our children are likely to try it than not

Concerns are that it is cheap, it’s the thing to do for many rather than drinking. it’s very easily available for many and the strains now available are very strong it isn’t what most of us were trying out.

And the biggest concern is the impact on mental health and the risks - it worries me more than alcohol or any other drug. Working in mh this is be far the biggest issues we are seeing particularly with young men many are still boys drug psychosis and the long term effects it’s tragic to see the impact of a drug so many will claim is harmless

The impact on mental health is definitely my major concern and the 'addiction' or dependence side of it. If you start to need it, how do you get away from it / what do you replace it with?

@LemonPrism yes, if you remember to do it. It's a bit like computer backups really. But then you start your SM again and you don't have the same prompt to wipe it clean.

I see plenty of stories of people who have been fired after taking a sickie and posting a FB picture on the beach. And I've seen a real person fired because of an opinion expressed on FB over 5 years previously and in a different country/continent.

If you think you are safe, good luck to you.

Check this out OP. Do not ignore. This is not necessarily something. She will outgrow. drugfree.org/article/prepare-to-take-action/

The talktofrank.com website is better if you’re looking for information in uk.