AIBU to ask how you deal with teenage cannabis use?

[TheLittleDogLaughed]

Dd is17 and I honestly never thought I’d be in this situation with her as she was kind of scared of drugs until around 6 months ago when she started college.

She started smoking some of a friend’s weed after college. I could smell it and see her different behaviour but she lied about it - also a new habit that she’s become very good at. Since then it’s escalated to being most days and her donating any bits of money she has towards it. She has v little money in one go as I stopped giving her lunch money at the start of the week because it all went on weed. She smokes sometimes alone at night. Always lies. Some days she’s completely out of it and goes to sleep at 8pm.

I’ve removed PS4, changed her smart phone for a crap phone, trued talking to her over and over. I’ve got upset, I’ve been understanding. Nothing is changing what she’s doing.

Does anyone have advice or similar experiences? Should I learn to live with it? I can’t tell you how she’s changed in such a short space of time.

@TheLittleDogLaughed definitely ask CAMHS to assess for it, but be aware that it might not be an easy process. It was a bit of a tricky process for me, although this was several years ago so hopefully there's a bit more awareness now. I was prescribed Concerta which I took for a couple of years and it completely changed me. I don't take anything now and I'm by no means symptom free but the symptoms are manageable now. It's definitely worth looking into, it could change her life. Fingers crossed for you both.

My son started smoking weed in his teenage years, and it has ruined his and our lives. He dropped out of Uni and 20 years later he cannot hold down a job, so is always stuck in crap minimum wage jobs, until his paranoia gets him into arguments with other staff and his boss. He has had a few relationships but all have broken up after a few months. It is an absolute nightmare. I regret taking a soft line and believing all those advisors through his school saying it was just a phase that he will grow out of. Clamp down hard on it now, before you have the same experience.

my druggie phase started at college. no useful advice for getting her to stop it, but keep your handbag and money hidden away, along with any household valuables.

I've seen nothing but the bad side of weed. I'm in my early 20's and seen friend's attendance at school poor, drop out of college and in and out of jobs. Most don't work. Relationships/friendships tattered from paranoia or because they are frustated because they can't get weed, so then leads to arguing with their partner/friends. I've been in relationships where an ex got more violent because he couldn't get weed and another ex got paranoid and made things up in his head, it changed them both so much. One admitted he couldn't calm down until he got weed.

I also stayed in a househare and one threw a huge object at us across the room and trashed his room because he could get no weed, they got so paranoid at the tiniest of noises when it was mundane things to me, like rain dripping etc, they became very mistrustful and made up things untrue in their minds. So when people say oh it's only a bit of weed, yes it definitely can affect people, especially if used every day. Weed is addictive in my eyes, but not like heroin or alcohol, it's like a dependent thing where you need to get through the day only if you're high or you're in a depressed strop all day. It has lead to extreme mental health, I've known someone who couldn't leave their home because they thought people were following them in the street and they smoked weed since their teens. My friend who is a huge stoner admitted to me that skunk is the worst and it affected his skin condition and mental health more than other weed. I could go on, but weed does cause issues and is easy to slip into smoking it all day everyday and not care about work, college, uni, relationships. It does make you lazy and can't be bothered, it's called dope for a reason. Some people can smoke it and live their lives, some people can drink and not be violent and take their drink, others can't and the slippery slope with weed is anyone can get dependant on it. If you have mental health issues already, weed is only going to contribute to making it worse. I've met people so desperate for weed they would rob dealers or beg to tick in the end, which means borrow off of dealers until they next got paid but then it soon led to debt because they smoked up the other money. I knew people who got money and smoked the money up within 3 days, and they lived off noodles or even went hungry for weed. Their hygiene became awful and they were a shadow of themselves, they really have this don't care attitude in life. I want to make clear not every single person who smokes weed is like this, but it is an issue and I've seen it myself. Please don't take weed lightly.

TheLittleDogLaughed It might be just a phase let’s hope it is but you are right not to ignore this

As others have said try and get her assessed through CAMHS. They may also have advice to help you along with the young Minds website. Or your GP surgery may be able to direct you to a local service you will certainly not be the only parent in this situation.

As for what replaces or how to get away this is where it is tricky first she will have to want to and secondly it’s individual. Gentle encouragement and lots of support may help her feel more secure. Keeping occupied, having a lot of family support, and whatever she might find of interest that she is passionate about what isn’t harmful support her all the way could be a new direction in education, religion (surprisingly successful) whatever it is accept and show encouragement.

I’m really troubled to hear so many people talk about wrecked lives through cannabis smoking. And yet it seems so prevalent.

The other difficulty will be getting her to separate off from her friends. She doesn’t have many and their main passtime seems to be weed.

well, maybe time for rulez.

'it's my house. smoke weed in in, and I'll be asking you to pack your bags. If you like your nice life, make the right decision'.

Thanks - I'm reading it now.

We’ve had this problem on and off for a few years now. My son is 18 and I will never be OKAY with any of my children taking drugs whether it’s weed or stronger stuff. Their social circle has everything to do with this, I have caught him a few times either with a joint in his bedroom or smelling it on him and have made a big deal every time.
It is such a worrying time and praying every time they are out becomes a regular thing! We talk openly all the time about the dangers of drugs and the damage they cause and sometimes I think it registers but you have to trust them to some point because we cannot be with them 24/7!

Sounds like you need to chill. Maybe you could share a spliff with her.