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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tip when eating out?

439 replies

JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle · 22/09/2019 22:48

Saw a thread on another board that mentioned tipping when eating out and whether or not you should. The majority of posters seemed to think of a person as being tight fisted or ungenerous if they don't tip. I disagree and don't tip as a matter of routine, only if the service is exceptional. AIBU?

OP posts:
bluebeck · 23/09/2019 16:22

Those of you who don't tip - can I ask what you do when you are out with a group of friends, say there's 6 of you celebrating a friends birthday for example?

In my circles, someone will look at the bill and say "It's £50 each including tip" and we all throw in our money.

Do you say "What is it for me - I don't want to pay a tip?"

Genuinely interested what you all do as I have never come across this kind of behaviour in my 53 years Grin

Original poster
JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle · 23/09/2019 16:25

@MsTSwift yes but that is your subjective definition of meanness. I don't think it's mean to not tip but you do. So I might be tight and miserable (or mean) in the eyes of those who tip, but obviously not in the eyes of those that don't.

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 23/09/2019 16:26

I get that there are other workers who work in similar, or harder situations, for equal pay that by social convention do not get tipped

But using that as a reason not to brighten the day of someone who does work in an industry that has this social convention seems a bit stingy and convenient tbh

Also the people arguing that restaurants should pay people accordingly, this will result in increased prices, which will presumably entirely exclude from restaurants those others in this thread who say they can't afford a tip. Which imo is a perfectly valid reason not to

MsTSwift · 23/09/2019 16:28

Yes my opinion plus everyone I know and have ever known and a large proportion of the posters on this thread.

easyandy101 · 23/09/2019 16:29

Genuinely interested what you all do as I have never come across this kind of behaviour in my 53 years

Me either

Which is why I asked about age earlier. This must be a young people's thing

StroppyWoman · 23/09/2019 16:29

YABU.

I tip 10% as a minimum, higher for exceptional service. If I was out with people who didn't tip, I'd think they were petty and stingy. Why be a dick over 10%?

Original poster
JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle · 23/09/2019 16:31

@MsTSwift which is still not everyone on this planet so I'm good.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 23/09/2019 16:32

You’re mean! Own it.

Original poster
JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle · 23/09/2019 16:33

@StroppyWoman dick is a pretty strong word. You definitely sound stroppy...

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 23/09/2019 16:34

@MsTSwift yes but that is your subjective definition of meanness. I don't think it's mean to not tip but you do. So I might be tight and miserable (or mean) in the eyes of those who tip, but obviously not in the eyes of those that don't

Only one of you begrudges a benefit recieved by another

There's nothing subjective in that

MerryDeath · 23/09/2019 16:35

i would rather not but will bow to social pressure. i don't tip in the supermarket or GP reception eg where people are also doing shit jobs for minimum wage.. why would i anywhere else. where does it end. in this country we have legislation which protects a minimum income so i don't consider tipping appropriate. another americanism that has normalised itself into our lives Hmm

bluebeck · 23/09/2019 16:37

That's interesting easyandy but my DC are 19 and 22 and they always tip, probably more generously than I do!! Obviously they are Gen Z and I am Gen X, so maybe it's a Millenial thing Grin

@JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle can you explain what you do in the scenario I described? It will enable me to sleep better tonight if I know Smile

Original poster
JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle · 23/09/2019 16:38

@easyandy101 and I think it's discriminatory to tip one type of server and not others, meaning you are subjectively tipping hospitality staff. I have a subjective opinion and so do you

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 23/09/2019 16:38

Blue she probably pockets her pals tips. Can’t have wait staff benefitting when tractor drivers and jugglers don’t get tips

LolaSmiles · 23/09/2019 16:39

bluebeck
Generally, if I'm going out a birthday celebration or a big meal our social group will tend to almost exclusively go to nice local pubs with good food and good service (the sort of place that will get a tip off me every time because I've never had anything less than great service).

If it's a cheap lunch at some mid level chain (which is rare to be honest) then we generally decide if we'll do our own tip or pay the service charge with it being a big group. If service is decidedly mediocre we pay the service charge because it's a bit group but wouldn't tip.

Easyandy
I think it comes down to whether you think people should be entitled to more money for doing the bare minimum of their job or not.

I'll tip at a cafe near me that's amazing, even though there's no hands on table service. The staff are amazingly helpful if you need anything, they're fabulous if you have allergies and dietary requirements, they're very friendly, the cakes are great.

I won't tip if I go for a meal and the waiting staff are doing the bare minimum to pass for the job description.

Based on here I should probably tip the second person for the privilege of them doing their job to a half arsed standard.

easyandy101 · 23/09/2019 16:44

No I'm making use of social convention

My experience of retail (longer than my hospitality experience) is that people quite frequently want to tip me, but I don't accept it because my job is reward enough. On the few occasions where someone has been insistent I just run it into the till or put it in a charity box after they go.

People bring me wine or beers and one family brings me a Christmas meal on Christmas eve (they're polish and Christmas eve is the big celebration for them) and that stuff means more to me than someone giving me some money, so I dunno, no one ever used to do that when I worked in hospitality. Every line of work I've been in has different perks

easyandy101 · 23/09/2019 16:49

Lola- I don't tip for bad service, but I pretty much never experience it either.

I'm utterly intolerant of bad service in any environment and would likely just leave

Willow2017 · 23/09/2019 16:49

If the staff are nice and service is good then I tip.

Having worked in a restaurant and being treated like absolute shit by the owners the tips we got went a long way to let us know at least our customers appreciated us even if the owners called us all.the useless idiots under the sun and liked to humiliate us in front of customers. We worked bloody hard and we don't get to just finish when the last customer leaves!
Even the 20p change put on the plate was gratefully received as much as the big tippers.

Most places till/waiting staff do far more behind the scenes than customers realise and get little thanks for it by owners. And never getting a proper break is more common than you think. It's just expected.

But it's up to.each person what they do. There's no law that says you have to tip nor that you morally should. Who cares what some random.does? Make your own choice. Trust me if you are nice to staff they don't care if you tip.or not , we don't rate customers on their tips just their behaviour😀

bluebeck · 23/09/2019 16:53

Thanks Lola I was more interested in the actions of people who wouldn't tip in that situation.

Do they actually ask "what was it without the tip added/I am only paying that, the rest of you can pay the tip?"

I am cringing just writing that Grin

dayslikethese1 · 23/09/2019 16:56

I don't think it's a Millenial thing bluebeck I'm 30 and have never come across any non-tippers Grin Seems a bit mean to me but up to the individual I suppose. A PP did make a good point about tipping chambermaids though, I rarely stay in hotels but will make sure to do this in future (I did it for a brief time when I was 18 and I think it was the worst job I've had in terms of pay and how tired I was).

Willow2017 · 23/09/2019 17:04

Tipping taxi drivers is something else I've only ever heard of on mumsnet. Have never seen anyone do it in 'real life'.

It's perfectly normal in Scotland. Especially using black.cabs in.the cities.

But that is their JOB. They have signed up to a job description and a contract that involves serving food and drink, just like many other people in many other jobs have signed up to complete a job description. They get paid for doing the job and the job description they've signed up for and they are paid for.

You think? You would be amazed at how many 'extra things' get added on once you are employed. If you want to keep your job you do them. Btw it's not just serving food and drink. There is so much done behind the scenes that customers have no idea of.

LolaSmiles · 23/09/2019 17:05

easy
I hear you
Whereas I think there's somewhere between bad service warranting a complaint and leaving and service good enough to warrant a tip. In the middle there's decidedly mediocre to avergae service where the staff aren't really doing any more than the minimum required of their job.
I tend not to go places wher service is likely to be like that, but when I do I don't tip (because I don't tip anyone for just doing their job).

LolaSmiles · 23/09/2019 17:08

You would be amazed at how many 'extra things' get added on once you are employed. If you want to keep your job you do them. Btw it's not just serving food and drink. There is so much done behind the scenes that customers have no idea of.
That's true of almost every job.
And in every job working with the public there'll be things behind the scenes.

I can understand people saying I prefer to tip all the time.
I can't understand people deciding that it's essentially mandatory for the most basic job doing.
I especially don't understand all these claims linked to minimum wage or things behind the scenes. They are no different to any other job

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/09/2019 17:21

No time to read full thread but I don’t like the percentage thing when it comes to tips. If I splash out on a special meal and want to order a more expensive bottle of wine, it takes the same effort to bring that over as it does the cheapest house wine. If I decide on the filler steak, then it takes the same effort to bring it to me as it does a burger. But the total bill will be higher, and following the percentage rule makes the tip much bigger. Seems nuts to me, that.

CalamityJune · 23/09/2019 17:22

I do it out of social nicety but I don't agree with it really.

They're paid the same as staff in many other industries who also work hard, also do their job to the best of their ability, also put up with a lot of shit etc. but just because they might not be customer facing, they don't get tips.