To not tip when eating out?

[JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle]

Saw a thread on another board that mentioned tipping when eating out and whether or not you should. The majority of posters seemed to think of a person as being tight fisted or ungenerous if they don't tip. I disagree and don't tip as a matter of routine, only if the service is exceptional. AIBU?

Do the people who always tip waiting staff also tip the hotel housekeeping staff who clean the skid marks off the toilets in their rooms, and who earn exactly the same as the wait staff? If not, why not?

I'm going to guess most don't tip many people in lower paid jobs. Why? Call me cynical but because nobody is watching them. A meal out is a perfect opportunity to get on a high horse about caring about wages and being seen to be doing the right thing (due to long standing tranditions in hospitality), but when it's just them and other workers and no audience suddenly all their care about minimum wage jobs vanishes.

It's like people who share their charitable giving on social media, or seek fundraising for this and that, who try to guilty trip others into doing likewise when actually many of us are quite happy with our own donations and giving behind the scenes but don't need to make a fuss about it.

if it was social convention to tip all cleaners, for example, you'd be doing that too.

Surely you do tip your cleaners, even just at the holidays?

I’ve grown up in other countries where it was customary to tip the hairdresser, plus the person that shampooed your hair, any repairmen, delivery drivers etc. Also, at the end of the year, a sizable amount was given to the refuse crew, the postman and members of the local fire brigade would come around and be given a certain amount too. So, a wider part of those who would provide either a public or personal service were thus rewarded. Here in the UK, I do tip at the hairdressers if they were friendly to me and gave me a good service. On a few occasions, when I get a big and heavy delivery and the driver helps to bring it to my door, I give a tip too. Generally, I tip in restaurants too but again only if the service was friendly. I see a tip as recognition of someone actually giving me a decent service. I always cross out any service charge on a bill though. I decide how much or if I leave a tip. We tend to have more take-out deliveries these days. We do tip them though most of the time because they come very fast. Well, we did not tip one grumpy delivery driver on the weekend though who virtually dropped the bag at my feet. It is however never an automatic payment but very much depends if someone goes above a mechanical and basic service and shows me some respect too. I will give zilch to sullen, sourfaced waitress staff. I am there for a nice night out and expect a professional service. Mind you if staff were rude and/or the food was crap, I also leave a review.

What a depressing view of humanity you have Lola or maybe that is your own view showing through? We tip discreetly. I tip when I am on my own.

Saying thank you is also a “social convention” but most will think you are rude if you don’t say it. Don’t tip then but be aware you may be judged for it.

MsTSwift
I've already said I tip if the service is really good and am more likely to tip in pubs/independent places where I know the tips go to staff (Vs large chains with silly service charges or people going through the motions).

Most people will tip or not based on how they feel the service was. Most won't make a big deal either way.

I do think people who make a big fuss about how they care about wages/couldn't possibly go for food with someone who didn't are more about the feel good, I'm a good person and care more vibes (which is why I view their behaviour similar to people who make a fuss about their charitable giving too). I also doubt the people who make a big fuss about their morals for tipping tip everyone they meet who is on minimum wage as well, which makes them hypocrites.

I think tipping only if the service is good is merely a justification for tight people to hold onto their money.

You tip because they’ve served you. If the service was good you might tip extra.

@JemimaPuddleDucksPuddle, I don’t think your latest post really adds anything. Those of us who tip are still going to think non tippers are tight and miserable. You’re right in that it’s a social convention which is why it’s not as commonplace in other industries to tip staff.

No it doesn’t make them hypocrites at all,@LolaSmiles. You’re just clutching at straws trying to find character flaws in us to try and excuse your own tightness

You tip because they’ve served you
So you also tip:
The bus driver for driving you
The cashier at the bank for serving you
The shop assistant for serving you
The person in the food truck for giving you a smoothie
The childminder for having your child
The nursery staff for educating your child
The teachers for teaching your child
The mechanics for fixing your car
The builders for building an extension

You too everyone just for doing their job?

This is my point. It's not about people being tight. It's about people deciding (usually selectively) that some jobs mean you should give more money just for them doing their job. It's some weird expectation and entitlement that gets a few on their high horse about how you just should every time, but then they're hypocrites because they don't do it for everyone who provides a service.

You’re just clutching at straws trying to find character flaws in us to try and excuse your own tightness
It's not tight to choose to tip based on service.
It's an optional extra, not a basic entitlement.

LolaSmiles well no, because the things you just listed aren't people serving you, with the exception of the bus driver possibly. Servers literally serve you, hence their name. As in, you sit there for up to two hours and they bring you whatever the fuck you ask for (or demand in the case of entitled people). They might refill bread or drinks without asking. They might anticipate when you want to order a second, different drink. They anticipate when you want the bill and when you want to pay etc. For about 4 to 8 tables in most places.

uni
But that is their JOB. They have signed up to a job description and a contract that involves serving food and drink, just like many other people in many other jobs have signed up to complete a job description. They get paid for doing the job and the job description they've signed up for and they are paid for.

Some of what people have said on this thread is that people should tip every time because it's a minimum wage job, in which case they should be tipping any minimum wage worker who does their job by offering a service.

Now if they're great then sure, I'll tip. But I'm not being pushed into paying people for doing their job when they're doing the very basics expected of their job. Nobody feels entitled to extra cash for going through the motions in any other line of work.

Yes I understand your point. But you're asking why people differentiate between minimum wage industries and my theory is that it's because waiting tables requires you to literally serve people. And as a PP said, it makes people feel a bit odd I guess, that they are sitting their "being served". I'm not arguing as to why servers EXPECT tips. I work in a restaurant where my team get about £30-40 per shift because they're good at their jobs. None of them expect it though and if they leave with nothing they're not bitter.

Disingenuity or deliberate obtuseness doesn’t get you off the hook.

unihorn
As you've said, they're good at their jobs. They must be providing good service. Of course people will want to tip people who provide good service. They're doing more than the minimum of their job.

Your servers may not expect tips, bit this thread shows it is an expectation for some. should anyone be expected to tip for people doing the bare minimum in their job description, for which they are already being paid?
People are saying here that you should tip just because they're doing their job and failure to tip make people tight and miserable. So they are saying that tipping is an expectation, because failure to tip each time is being viewed as some sort of character flaw by some.

I tip in restaurants due to social pressure but draw the line at hairdressers and taxi drivers. These aren't unskilled minimum wage jobs and a lot of them are making quite good money - hairdressers should set their prices so they can afford to live. Cabs and haircuts are very expensive as it is.

How many of you non tippers are going to be back on here complaining in a few years that your dc's aren't given a tip?

Er... my dc are of an age where they work PT, indeed, now one of them FT is low paid jobs, including jobs where they work until late at night or start very early in the morning. None have been jobs where they get tips. Between them they have worked in shops (4 different sorts of shops), delivering newspapers, lifeguarding, front of house in a theatre, on a camp site, and cleaning that I can think of, off the top of my head. Some have meant getting up before 5am to start their early shift, others have meant working into the evening. All have been min wage (lifeguard fractionally more - they are on NLW, but that is same as the bar staff at their club) . None have received, or expected tips.

Iv worked long hard years in a kitchen, waitressing, barmaid and it really does make your day of being covered in food, sweating from running around/covered Inn beer, often dealing with many rude drunk people and being hit on by old men that little bit better

I don't work in that industry now but I tip fairly. If I have a meal I will tip unless something the staff did was awful, if I just pop in for a coffee or pick up chips to go for example i won't.
Tho as a server I didn't expect every customer to tip. It isnt mandatory

surf but your mistake there is it is very much mandatory for some on this thread. Failure to tip on every occasion makes you tight and miserable.
It shouldnt be up to you to decide how and when you tip. Someone served you food to drink so you have to tip them else the tip police will be judging you.

YABU. Tight and miserable.

@57Varieties I'm posting because I want to whether or not you think it adds anything you think I'm tight and miserable, I think you're rude and ridiculous

@LolaSmiles your post at 14:54 sums it up perfectly!

Well I am rude and ridiculous then because I also think you are tight and miserable. Meanness is an off putting quality. Dh always tips and checks it goes to staff if added on the card. Wouldn’t have married a non tipper.