Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have given up on holidays?

59 replies

PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 20:09

3 boys, all under 9, youngest is a toddler.

Holidays are just so hard, DH doesn't enjoy them as children are so loud and excited. Means I carry the majority of childcare / taking all 3 together all the time.

Tried caravans, tents, villa with extended family, apartments.

All have been hardwork and didn't seem worth it. A few moments of happiness but most of my time is spent cooking, shouting or feeling guilty.

We didn't do anything this year and I am tempted to not do anything this year either. 😐

OP posts:
FaFoutis · 22/09/2019 20:11

The problem is not holidays, the problem is your DH.

purpleolive · 22/09/2019 20:13

I agree your DH is the issue here, how is the rest of your family life?

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 20:15

Poor, his attitude tends to extend into normal life too and not just holidays. I'm trying to make the best of it. 😣

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 22/09/2019 20:16

Yanbu if that's how you feel for now, but when you do fancy a holiday again, go to a hotel! Tents and caravans and even apartments were never going to feel like a holiday, you need to rid yourself of the cooking.

ConstanzaAndSalieri · 22/09/2019 20:17

I have a massively engaged DH, with equal share of the load... but came back from our holiday (3 children under 8) fairly convinced it was a waste of (quite a bit of) money. Children didn’t enjoy being away from home, same crap, not quite as helpful surroundings, and two of the three are poor sleepers (and the third never sleeps later than 7).

No frigging way I would do it with a DH who didn’t do anything though. Does he bring anything to the relationship?

Ponoka7 · 22/09/2019 20:18

I agree that your DH is the problem.

But, all inclusive is slated on here, but it's the only way that many women get to enjoy their holiday.

Manicpixiedreambitch · 22/09/2019 20:18

He doesn't like the noise? So what happens when you're on holiday?

Pinkypurple35 · 22/09/2019 20:18

No, he shouldn’t just opt out of childcare and cooking because it’s too hard or the kids are too loud. He needs to step up and do his part too. No wonder you don’t enjoy them.

which1 · 22/09/2019 20:23

Why are you choosing not to stay in a hotel?
Then you need not worry about cleaning and cooking.

Elieza · 22/09/2019 20:24

DH is the biggest child here. Sorry OP but his reasoning sucks.

SherbetSaucer · 22/09/2019 20:26

Can you leave the kids at home and enjoy a proper holiday? A holiday with children is just the same old hard work but... elsewhere! Basically paying extra money to stressed in a different location!

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 20:27

Haven't stayed in a hotel as then we would all be in one bedroom all the time and thought it might be even louder and more pressured. Will give it some thought.

I appreciate all your comments, thank you.

OP posts:
StephenKingsHappyEnding · 22/09/2019 20:27

All inclusive is the answer. With three little children in self catering you will spend your days preparing/clearing up meals.
All inclusive with adjoining rooms/ or family room with a separate bit. And a zero entry swimming pool.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/09/2019 20:28

The problem is not holidays, the problem is your DH

Pretty much hits the nail on the head. Your dh is happy for you to have a shit time so long as he doesn't have to bother to parent his own dc. That is not how a living father and spouse should behave.

Montyman · 22/09/2019 20:30

I have a 9 year old and 3 year old and after the stress of a sun holiday with the airport, and trying to keep both entertained for a full week this year, I’ve decided that next year is going to be day/weekend trips or long weekends over the course of the summer where we aren’t away long enough to get bored/annoyed. He should be helping more obviously too but maybe a big block of time in each other’s pockets when that’s not something that happens normally outside of the summer is more stress than it’s worth.

Symptomless · 22/09/2019 20:32

Holidays with kids are not worth it! We have to go and visit family abroad and that's bad enough.

pumkinspicetime · 22/09/2019 20:34

Yup, your DH is the major issue here.
In your situation I would get an apartment in a hotel complex, so you have full catering options, serviced room but also a fridge and hob for simple meals and breakfast if wanted. I would get a two bedroom room.
I would also go somewhere with a kids club and a Spa. Then I would be clear with DH that I was having a couple of mornings off without family and he could sort kids club or do other activities. I would also give him the same and spend the rest of the time as a family.
A fair few of our holidays work like this.

managedmis · 22/09/2019 20:34

YANBU

CuntForThisOne · 22/09/2019 20:39

OP, I gave up on holidays a very long time ago (pre divorce). I decided it was more fun to spend the money on day trips with the DC (and without XH). Holidays just meant transferring my normal day-to-day duties into an unfamiliar place, which in turn meant DC who were out of routine and out of sorts. Miserable for everyone.

I could take them on holiday now, but I still do the days out thing instead. and not many of those due to school fees, though that's a different thread

Mixingitall · 22/09/2019 20:43

You wouldn’t all be in one room if you book a family room. We book a suite or interconnecting rooms as we would never sleep, and it’s no fun being sat in the dark at 9.30pm!
We do also like a children’s club so that we can have the perfect balance of family time and a rest.

I agree that your husband needs to do his fair share of the parenting on holiday, otherwise it is easier for you to be at home.

We have stayed at both the Insotel hotels in Ibiza. Cala Tarida has all inclusive and family rooms and Santa Eulalia has inter connecting junior suites and is b&b or hb. They have been super easy holidays for short flight times, sandy beaches, and child friendly food.

Zebraaa · 22/09/2019 20:49

Not everyone can afford all inclusive or family suites Hmm

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 20:52

You see everyone having amazing holidays on Instagram, all smiling, happy, husband's getting stuck in. Makes me feel even more rubbish that I am denying the boys the same opportunities.

OP posts:
VeThings · 22/09/2019 20:52

There are places where you can stay in an apartment but still have half board or all inclusive. Fine one with stuff to do in the kiddy pool (mini side, buckets that tip over the children) and you have a shot at enjoying the holiday.

Purpleartichoke · 22/09/2019 20:55

aim for short trips where you have a defined activity and don’t have to cook

Something like a nearby hotel with a great pool

Actaea · 22/09/2019 20:56

We’ve given up on holidays for the same reason. Staying away overnight just isn’t fun with DC in tow. You can’t enjoy eating dinner in nice restaurants or drink or stay out late. And most of your time is spent supervising DC instead of enjoying yourself and relaxing. We just do day trips now.