Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have given up on holidays?

59 replies

PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 20:09

3 boys, all under 9, youngest is a toddler.

Holidays are just so hard, DH doesn't enjoy them as children are so loud and excited. Means I carry the majority of childcare / taking all 3 together all the time.

Tried caravans, tents, villa with extended family, apartments.

All have been hardwork and didn't seem worth it. A few moments of happiness but most of my time is spent cooking, shouting or feeling guilty.

We didn't do anything this year and I am tempted to not do anything this year either. 😐

OP posts:
Stripyhoglets · 22/09/2019 21:01

Centreparcs. Send H off with the older kids in pool. You sit with younger one in smaller pool. Easy food from shop or eat out. Plenty of things to do and in Sherwood theres a fab playground near the lake perfect for kids. CP saved our holidays when ours were small.

Stripyhoglets · 22/09/2019 21:02

And it's only 3 or 4 nights!

HerkyBaby · 22/09/2019 21:19

Classic case of same shit , different location . Your DH needs to get better on the home front before contemplating a holiday again. Spend the money next year on getting a cleaner in every day for two weeks and a caterer in to do evening meals. Oh and buy one of those enormous paddling pools. Have a stay cation with bells on and enjoy a good rest . Start planning now - it could be a kind of therapy/ escapism .

kateybeth79 · 22/09/2019 21:28

I have a 5 yr old and a 7 yr old and we always do all inclusive at a family friendly hotel abroad (TUI Family Life is great!) Loads of fun, minimal stress. DH does his fair share of childcare so I don't feel the need to use the kids club to have a break. Could have cried when we had to come home!

MoonageDaydreamz · 22/09/2019 21:31

I'm coming to the same conclusion tbh, and my dh does do pretty much 50/50 on childcare but he's crap with cooking so I still have the brunt of responsibility for that and it's so much harder abroad.

I think we'll def do next summer in the UK and maybe the one after that too. When all kids are old enough to do kids club might venture abroad and do AI.

cookingonwine · 22/09/2019 21:35

Holidays are extremely stressful, however we have discovered 4 nights / 5 days work really well for us. I can honestly say I will never do a weeks holiday with the kids again.

Twinkles72 · 22/09/2019 21:37

The holidays aren't about you though, they are about the kids. My favourite childhood memories are from holidays we went on with our parents. In hindsight my mom probably spent a lot of her time chasing after us, feeding us, cleaning up after us, but she did it with a smile on her face because she knew we were having fun. If you need an adult holiday of your own then go for it. But family holidays are for the kids.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 21:39

Yes, I understand they are for kids and I feel really rubbish for not being able to provide that environment for my children. 😭

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 22/09/2019 21:40

I think your husband is a major part of the problem here - of course children are going to be excited/noisy on holiday! Doesn't give him the right to abandon his childcare/family responsibilities though!

I found holidays hard when DS was very young (2 and under) - really didn't enjoy them at all. It got better from 3 onwards though as he enjoyed the beach (Cornwall) and small walks (Lake district) plus could generally cope with lunch out.

He's 5 now and we really enjoy holidays but I make sure we are near a beach or can spend a lot of time outside. Thankfully, he seems to love the lake district as much as is and can do a good 6-7 mile walk now. Then he is tired and goes to sleep fine.

Maybe once your toddler gets a bit older it will be better?

Can you afford to do takeaway or meal out for lunch then snacks for tea to ease the pressure of cooking?

FlashAhHaaaaa · 22/09/2019 22:23

If budget allows, you need an all inclusive family resort hotel place with a giant buffet that the kids will love, plus kids' clubs that they will love and will give you a break!

IdblowJonSnow · 22/09/2019 22:41

I disagree with PP. Holidays are expensive and should be for everyone, not just the kids.
Yes it's hard to get the balance right and some hols will be better than others for some family members. Adults also need to get something out of it even if it's just a couple of half days or an hour here and there.
Your husband needs to step up.

Darbs76 · 22/09/2019 22:46

That’s a shame, I enjoy holidays with my kids. But they are older now, 25, 15 and 11. I go on lots of breaks with my eldest, we have a cruise in 2wks. Kids prefer holidays like Florida where there’s loads to do but obviously that’s not every year, more like every 5yrs. They enjoy an all inclusive but do start to get WiFi withdrawal if not in Europe. Go all inclusive so you’re not having to do any cooking etc

IsobelRae23 · 22/09/2019 22:57

OP we went all inclusive to a hotel in Tenerife last year. We hadn’t a bedroom, living room, dining area, bathroom and kitchen, right next to the pool. You don’t have to be in one room! Our lounge had 2 sofa beds, and a king in the bedroom. Theres family rooms in most hotels.

Original poster
PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 23:06

How much are all inclusive holidays roughly? Thank you for all your help. I want to give the boys the memories they deserve.

I bought a tent so I could take the boys away on my own but couldn't put it up alone so that stopped me further. 😣 Thought some weekends away would help.

OP posts:
ILiveInSalemsLot · 22/09/2019 23:15

We go on lots of short breaks with our kids. I didn’t do any long holidays when they were young.
A pp already mentioned but 4 or 5 days is the best.
We don’t do hotels because of the one room so we always have apartments, cottages or villas.
Go to places that you want to go to so even if it’s a bit of a pain, at least you’ve been there.
4 day breaks in the uk is easy for taking prepared food as well. We’ll do bolognese and chicken curry in advance and cook the spaghetti and rice there, pizza and salad another night and fish and chips out on one.

The more you do it, the easier it gets. Same for your dh, the more he does, the more pleasant the holiday will be. He needs to be pulling some weight.

flyingspaghettimonster · 22/09/2019 23:15

Save up, go to a place with a child entertainment club. Drop kids each morning unless you have a daytrip booked. Get a few hours by yourself at the pool or beach or a museum or shops, have a few peaceful meals with husband without them. Refind your old relationship. Has to be a hotel not self catering.

And make him step up more at home. He sounds like he needs a boot up his arse.

FaFoutis · 22/09/2019 23:19

I really don't think the holidays are your problem here Pumpity, anyone would struggle alone with three children under 9. It's unrelenting.
The problem is your husband, you deserve to enjoy life too. The relationships board might be a better place than AIBU.

BackforGood · 22/09/2019 23:51

We had 3 dc who were lively, and sometimes hard work too. I'd often have a day on holiday when I'd think 'why do we bother?', but, looking back we've ALL got some fab memories of holidays. Don't think just because they can be hard work, they aren't worth it. They really are.

Would it be easier / more relaxing to go without your dh, if he doesn't parent ? More relaxing if not trying to 'avoid annoying him' ?

Adversecamber22 · 23/09/2019 00:11

It’s mainly a DH problem but any type of self catering holiday means work. You need a hotel with a kids club, just pop them in to it sometimes.

You need to have a discussion about roles at home as well.

macpumpkin1 · 23/09/2019 00:17

I felt the same as you until this year. I have a 6 year old, a summer born 3 year old and another 17 months younger. I am not a brave person and don't have much energy. Earlier this year after a recommendation on here we booked the Manor Hotel in Okehampton. All food (massive buffet) is included in the price and all activities. The decor isn't the newest but to be honest we weren't in the room a lot. There is bowling, ice skating, a massive soft play, pools with flumes, kid's club, climbing wall and my eldest even went on a free training session with Southampton Football Club people. I normally do nothing as I don't get the opportunity but I managed a Pilates class, 2 Zumba classes and a Rock and roll dance class and it was brilliant. It rained and the kids didn't notice as you are undercover for lots of the activities. It is good value and we are booking to go again next summer.

thecatinthetwat · 23/09/2019 00:36

DH doesn't enjoy them as children are so loud and excited. Means I carry the majority of childcare / taking all 3 together all the time.

Right so you do everything to make sure your dh has a nice holiday. Meanwhile, you are not having a nice holiday and your kids are having a pretty suboptimal holiday.

Does your dh not spend time with your kids. This just sounds totally shit, whether on holiday or not.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/09/2019 05:31

Don't go away every year. If you go one year out of three you have a larger budget for AI with more space. Then in the other years try different things, short UK breaks like Center Parcs or similar, youth hostelling in family rooms, caravan at the coast, camping as the 9 YO can help you put a tent up in the absence of your useless sounding DH.

But I don't understand why he thinks it's acceptable or possible to opt out of being a parent, both at home and on holiday. It's pretty obvious to anyone that 3 children can be hard work, noisy etc.

Solitarycaddis · 23/09/2019 05:49

Kinderhotels (mainly Austria but Italy, Croatia & Portugal too now I think) are the answer , aimed at DC 3-12 yrs.

minesagin37 · 23/09/2019 06:13

Book a suite and all inclusive, kids clubs. Leave DH at home. He's worthless.

CuntForThisOne · 23/09/2019 07:52

OP, you do realise, don't you, that there's more to "giving your children the memories they deserve" than taking them on holiday?

Leaving aside all the "making memories" stuff 🤮, children will on the whole remember any outstanding events, either good or bad. Mine remember, bizarrely, a day out when they were both very small, and the ice-creams were frozen so solid that we would have needed a chisel to eat them. They also remember the walks we used to go on, and the shops we used to go to when they were little. I suppose that what they're remembering is all the things that made them feel grounded and safe. There is nothing on Earth that would have persuaded them to go to any kind of "kids club" (though I wouldn't have wanted that, either, so can't complain).

Unfortunately mine also remember XH's abusive behaviour towards them.

They also remember really random things which I have no memory of at all!

In short, OP, I really wouldn't focus too much on holidays (or on specific "memory making"). I would focus on doing some nice stuff with your boys - things that they enjoy, and that aren't too onerous for you. Children are quite happy with very basic entertainment a lot of the time - I think at the ages yours are, they will just be glad of your attention for a couple of hours.

(I'm leaving your husband out of this, because it sounds as if he's a dead weight where entertaining children is concerned - in which case, you either need to take him to task about it, or crack on and have some fun with your DC without him).

Swipe left for the next trending thread