I'm fully aware that some schools pay only lip service to charity and others need to improve. But many do a great deal. However unless you have firsthand experience, you are unlikely to know which is which.
Dc's school does little, if any outreach with the types of school most mc dc attend. Disappointing as it may be to the average mc parent, they aren't providing tutoring to help mc dc get places at grammar, encouraging them all to apply for small bursaries or offering free sports clubs. But they are very hands on in schools with more deprived catchments. And community wise anything the school does, or anything the pupils are encouraged to volunteer with is aimed at those in genuine need.
Surprising as it perhaps is to those determined to malign the private sector, even then it isn't publicly announced. Teachers and pupils aren't introducing themselves as rich people from the private school, honouring the peasants with the crumbs. No doubt some parents and secondary age dc are fully aware of the school, but the average primary pupil will only know that Mrs. X comes in to help with maths, or x,y and z come and listen to them read. Ditto community wise. It isn't 'greetings my dear underclass, one hopes you are grateful to swim in our vair expensive pool. Fyi our fees are no doubt more than your parents salary'. Simply x school know they go to x place for swimming lessons.
And yy re how insulting it is to other parents to imply we can do so much better than they to improve state schools. Funny that nobody seems to think involved and capable state parents should opt for the worst school in the locality in order to improve it, oh no, it's entirely understandable they'll pick the best school at their disposal. But somehow it will help if we swell the ranks at the best state schools.
Tbh, I think most of the hatred towards private comes from those that already profit by the huge variance in state education. It's quite ok for them to use their privilege to do the best for their dc, but when we do the same and pay for private, they can't deal with the fact someone else might have something better than them. One rule for them, one for everyone else.