Visiting in laws

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My aging in-laws have recently moved to the same town which has been great for them and us. They are in a much better house and the location has much better amenities.

They're 10 mins walk from our house.

They've been looking after our youngest one day a week and the eldest after school, mainly at our home as it took a while to move into their new house, but it's nearer to the school plus the kids have all their toys etc.

A very small but slightly irritating question to me:

AIBU to expect them to ring the door bell if they pop round for any reason? Or like today, they've come round for lunch.

My family would ring the door bell, and I would too. My mum felt it was important that they do this as did a friend, before they moved up. If my parents lived nearby they would do so, and do so at my sibling's house who they live near.

I never knew it would annoy me as much as it does when they just wander in! I think it's my upbringing v theirs?

And I'm really not sure how to broach the issue. I feel it's been happening for too long now to say anything (a few months.)

Did you know they were coming round? Presumably yes because they are coming for lunch so I don't see any reason to ring the bell. Arriving unannounced? I would expect the ring the bell. It's people test or call before visiting though these days don't they?

We did know but not exactly what time as it was after church for them.

I can't square it in my head! I don't like them suddenly appearing in the kitchen personally.

We got in the habit of locking the door if we were home, and keeping the key in the lock, when we were renting. The landlord had a habit of just wandering in, it meant we could hear him trying to get in. Eventually he started knocking. We still do it now, out of habit.

Christ lock your door, anyone could come in!

Put your door on the chain when you are in the house... I presume they have a key and that is why they come in unannounced? If they dont have a key then just lock the door.
I always put the chain on my door... cant stand people coming in without knocking. I think it's perfectly legitimate to do that.. unless it's your kids or partner people should knock on the front door at the very least

I’m guessing they’ve got a key, if they’re doing childcare.
Personally although I understand it’s irritating I’m thinking it’s better to just go with it in your situation. They’re family, and if they’ve got a key then they should let themselves in with it. They probably think they’re saving you a journey to the door!

I put the chain on over the hols partly as it was so hot and partly as I was so annoyed. They seemed offended.

They have keys to the house as they look after the kids. So would let them selves in...

Is this going to descend into one of those threads where you come up with increasingly crazy reasons as to why you don't just lock the door like 99% of the population

I may start to put the chain on more frequently. Or pretend ds has, who likes to do so

I'm afraid I let myself into my DDs house when she knows we are going because usually she is busy with the children and it's easier for her if we walk in. Both my DC walk into our house. It wouldn't occur to them to ring the doorbell.
Maybe your in laws don't want to disturb you? What does your DH think?

Snuggy, it's a good point. It's ridiculously safe round here. I feel. But we probably should. I often do if it's just me in the house. Actually I probably will start to as the youngest is more mobile now.

They would use their key though.

I just feel it's polite to ring or knock or even to call out!

Someone told me it was semi culturally linked to different areas of the country.

Ask your DH to remind them it is a common courtesy to ring the bell. Whether they agree or not is neither here nor there as it is YOUR home.

My toddler is always trying escape too. I don't see the harm in putting on the latch. Just say you want to be extra careful or something.

They were offended? Don’t be passive aggressive then, that’s not going to end well. If they think they’re entitled to let themselves in always, even when you’re in, then I’m guessing they’ll be even more offended if you tell them you need them to knock. I think you’re irritated because you know you don’t really have a choice.

It annoys me when my in laws knock, when they've got keys and I'm up to my elbows in a dirty nappy, on the toilet or breast feeding, just let yourself into the hall and call out hello, I'll let you know where I am

We just walk into mils, and she walks into ours. If I want to stop her walking in I lock door and leave key in the lock.

I don't know if they were offended; they seemed surprised.

I’d put the chain on and kind of feign ignorance that you’d forgotten to take it off and it’d be better if they knock. At my in laws and my mums I always knock on the door even though they know we’re coming as I think it’s rude just to walk in and they do the same at mine even though we all have keys.

I'll just have to get a dog, extra reasons to lock and chain the door! And it'll bark.

I’d put the chain on and kind of feign ignorance that you’d forgotten to take it off and it’d be better if they knock.

Yep did that in the summer. Will do so again.

Totally with ssd on this.
It only needs one nutter to see someone walking straight into your house and hey presto...… you look up and a total stranger is looking at you.

Mention it to them. In a light hearted way. "sorry but can you just ring the bell before you enter? I might be in my knickers doing the hoovering and neither of you would really want to see that! Best to give me a chance to run for cover!!"

“Ask your DH to remind them it is a common courtesy to ring the bell”

Well, only if he agrees. Otherwise why should he?

FYI the carer who comes to look after MiL one day a week has access to the key and could just walk in but always rings the bell just to warn us she's entering.