Neighbours don't like me

[Cheeselipbalm]

So I've had a somewhat frosty reception from our neighbours since moving in. I think they find me irritating as I always say hello in a really loud voice and I have quite a few people over/ garden party's (never late.) I invited them a few times but they always said no so I stopped bothering.
Recently the police came round to talk to us as they'd been harassing our other neighbours apparently! I still said hello as I thought maybe the neighbour was in the wrong/ wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Now they're straight up ignoring me. Even on the school run which is so awkward! I think they think that I told the police something about them. I'm a people pleaser so I find people not liking me really hard to deal with. Now I'm worried to play music or talk in the back garden or let the children play on the trampoline in case it annoys them, which is ridiculous as I haven't done anything wrong.

Well if they don’t like you when you try to be friendly, you may as well just do what you want without worrying if it annoys them. Sounds like they’ll be pissy either way.

Recently the police came round to talk to us as they'd been harassing our other neighbours apparently

Best steer as wide a berth as poss I think.

I'm a people pleaser so I find people not liking me really hard to deal with. Now I'm worried to play music or talk in the back garden or let the children play on the trampoline in case it annoys them, which is ridiculous as I haven't done anything wrong.

Your neighbours don't have to like you or be your friends. Tbh, I would be irritated if my neighbour felt that they had to loudly say hello everytime they saw me and kept inviting me to parties I had never shown any interest in going to. That doesn't mean you have to start making up that they will be annoyed by you using your garden.

Just stop thinking about them so much and get on with your own life.

Imo they are perfect! No asking you to feed the cat! Pointless chatter when you are busy! Their dc rampaging through your house whenever they like! Making advances towards your dh! Asking your to take parcels in!
Embrace the peace op!

I always say hello when I see my neighbours out the front. I don't always make a conversation though. People don't always want to be too paly with neighbours as can lead to problems. Nice to keep your own personal space a bit as well. I hope things sort out for you

Maybe the previous occupants were really quiet, so they got used to it.
The only issue I might have is the playing music out loud in the garden.
I think that’s fine occasionally when you have friends over for a BBQ or party. But unless your garden is isolated, I wouldn’t do it routinely.
Music is quite intrusive and being forced to live your life to someone else’s playlist is annoying.
With the prevalence of wireless speakers (love them - we have two) it’s more and more common to go to the beach or the park and find yourself listening to someone else’s music rather than the waves/ gulls/ birds/children playing/ distant lawnmowers. I think that is a bit rude.
But as long as you are not blasting it out daily, it sounds like YANBU.
They don’t have to like you, nor you them. Civility is required but anything more is a bonus.
Are you a very loud family do you think? When I was growing up I started noticing that some friends’ houses were very different to ours with everyone shouting from different rooms or even just shouting as a first resort. In our house people only shouted when they lost their temper or couldn’t find someone.
It sounds like you are just different people to your neighbours. Doesn’t mean any of you are horrible.

My neighbor sent me death threats and is due in court for stalking in the next few months so I wouldn’t sweat it now about someone ignoring me lol

There are often threads on here about noisy neighbours, ones who have parties and with kids on trampolines which annoys the poster etc etc

I suspect you’re not as quiet as you think you are

I would be more than annoyed if your visitors harassed me when they came to your parties,there is nothing wrong with having people over but why should they bother other people who may just want a quiet life,not everyone wants to be in everyone elses pockets.

I think we're quite 'normal'. I work full time with two small children so there's a lot of going in and out and then coming back and going out to a park or recreational activity.
They both don't work and don't go anywhere apart from to school and back. I don't ever hear the kids in the garden.
I guess we annoy them because we're different. I like to socialise, I like having people over as I've worked very hard for my house and I think I should be able to sit in the garden with my mum friends on a Saturday afternoon whilst the kids play. The parties are kids party's, we haven't had an adult one yet, more friends over for dinner etc.
I've sat in my garden by their fence and can only just hear the music coming from my kitchen. I don't think it's a big problem. I know they lent over and told my brother in law off for talking too loud in the garden once so I think they really would say something if it bothered them.

Live your life and ignore the ignorant.
And pleas let your dc`s play in the garden,they have a right to be happy.

why do you "always say hello in a really loud voice"?

@AutumnRose1 I'm Spanish, apparently I'm loud even when I think I'm being quiet

I don't speak to my neighbours - why would I?

I would be very annoyed if people were having frequent parties and playing music in the garden and talking loudly at night. What time do these parties end OP?

4pm? They're for the kids

Quite honestly next door neighbours trampoline and kids annoy the hell out of me but I've always maintained happy relations with them because I know I am being unreasonable. The menopause does that to people.
If they cannot come over and tell you what their beef is then just totally ignore them, it doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong to me.

And pleas let your dc`s play in the garden,they have a right to be happy.

Children can play happily and also be respectful to other people. The neighbours also have a right to happiness in their own home.

My last neighbour - a middle aged man - would hammer on the wall and scream if I hoovered in the middle of the day. Apparently my unatural hoovering was making the ornaments fall off his mantlepiece
His house looked like the worst kind of hoarders house, inside and out.

You admit that you say hello really loudly. Is it possible that you have no volume control in other areas? Such as playing music and talking in your garden or your children making unacceptable noise on the trampoline? Perhaps your family and friends all speak loudly while in your garden? Perhaps the several kids parties have been unreasonably loud? Perhaps really give some thought about the noise levels frequently emanating from your house and garden.

@cheeselipbalm I suspect that you think that your noise levels are fine, clearly they don't.

With your coming and going do you do it quietly or is there lots of noise and slamming of doors and your entertaining visitors - what time do you do it to (and are you possibly my neighbours who I can hear through 2 lots of closed doors and separate walls....)

@ShirleyPhallus but please how can I make a 4 year old and 2 year old play in a respectful way? I don't let them into the garden till 9am on weekends and then they play like kids do. Sometimes water fights, sometimes playing pretend. I don't want to have to tell them to be quiet all the time. We are out a lot but the times we are in they should be allowed to be themselves. If they start excessively squealing or shouting then
I tell them to be quiet (not shouting.) I don't know what more I can do.

OP, you don't need their validation. Especially the validation of people who have seemingly had an issue with other neighbours. I would try and put it out of your mind entirely and carry on as normal and possibly be grateful rather than upset they are ignoring you, given what you say.

Why are you all not more honest with your neighbours? Honestly is there anything more British than secretly seething away indoors whilst your neighbours are unaware that they're such pains in the ass? Just tell them! And not through a note through the door which is so passive aggressive it's untrue. Man up and say it face to face!

“ I don't want to have to tell them to be quiet all the time”

Well you’ve answered your own question then. And the neighbours might not like noisy people so if you don’t like not being liked but don’t plan to be quiet, then you’ve made your choice.

Why do you want your neighbours to like you? I much prefer mine to keep themselves to themselves. I wouldn't care about noise in the garden from the DC and early evening parties but I wouldn't want to be invited or to be expected to actively approve of them. You sound equally judgey of your neighbour's "quiet life" as you seem to suspect they are of your lifestyle.

If you accept that you have different lifestyles and are happy to "live and let live" then perhaps you should question the impact of your "loud" outgoing approach on your neighbours.