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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours don't like me

68 replies

Cheeselipbalm · 21/09/2019 10:25

So I've had a somewhat frosty reception from our neighbours since moving in. I think they find me irritating as I always say hello in a really loud voice and I have quite a few people over/ garden party's (never late.) I invited them a few times but they always said no so I stopped bothering.
Recently the police came round to talk to us as they'd been harassing our other neighbours apparently! I still said hello as I thought maybe the neighbour was in the wrong/ wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Now they're straight up ignoring me. Even on the school run which is so awkward! I think they think that I told the police something about them. I'm a people pleaser so I find people not liking me really hard to deal with. Now I'm worried to play music or talk in the back garden or let the children play on the trampoline in case it annoys them, which is ridiculous as I haven't done anything wrong.

OP posts:

AutumnRose1 · 21/09/2019 11:52

X post

What’s the purpose of your neighbour saying “you’re too noisy, I hate it?”

Do you enjoy rows?

Original poster

Cheeselipbalm · 21/09/2019 11:56

@AutumnRose1 because some us don't realise what we're like? Take the difference in cultures. British people are quiet compared to Mexicans. British people are loud compared to the Swiss. This is what I've experienced from being in different countries. But if you were born into that culture you wouldn't necessarily know that you were any different. It's the same with being a loud person, if no one tells you, you just carry on unaware.
I'm not judging them. But just because they don't let their children go in the garden, why should I have to stop mine?

OP posts:

midsomermurderess · 21/09/2019 12:31

You sound as if you are living on tip toes, trying to preempt annoying them. Live your life. Deal with your neighbours if and when issues arrive.

dottiedodah · 21/09/2019 12:34

You dont have to stop your children from going in their own garden!.Their children may be happy to play inside on their playstations watch TV etc .If they have been harassing the other neighbours then maybe best to keep a safe distance anyway!

Tiresiasmum · 21/09/2019 12:34

You've made every effort you can to be a friendly neighbour, but they've consistently shown you they're unwilling or perhaps unable to reciprocate. It's hard when you're an open and warm person to deal with this - I know as this happens to me all the time - but everyone's different and it's clear they're just not your kind of people and you're not theirs. Don't make any more open gestures like calling out hello or inviting them in. Stay civil and friendly but maybe just respect that they've put that boundary there and for you to keep pushing it would become an unfriendly gesture to them. You might find they slowly come out of their shell and make some polite gestures towards you eventually. Or they might not. It sounds like you have a good social life - just enjoy the people who want to spend time with you.

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2019 12:38

You sound like a perfectly normal person, living a perfectly normal life.

As long as your children aren't screamers when they're in the garden then you just carry on as you are. (Just don't bother saying Hello to them as you're wasting your breath)

PhilCornwall1 · 21/09/2019 12:40

I think they find me irritating as I always say hello in a really loud voice and I have quite a few people over/ garden party's

I think that would piss me off too. Why say hello in a loud voice, why not just be normal?

Yellowbutterfly1 · 21/09/2019 12:54

I think you may not realise just how much sound travels.
You say that you have worked hard for your house and think you should be able to sit out and enjoy your garden with music, children chatting etc which is fine.
You don’t seem to realise that your neighbours have also worked hard for their house and probably also want to enjoy peace and quite in their own garden without having to hear other people’s music, conversations, children etc.

Some people say that if you don’t want to hear children in gardens etc then to move to house in the middle of nowhere but maybe it should be the other way around.
We all need to be considerate and have respect around others, adults and children.

Billben · 21/09/2019 12:55

They both don't work and don't go anywhere

They have too much time on their hands to come up with shit that annoys them. Try to pay no attention. But the one thing I would definitely do is keep a log of every complain they make. I have a feeling you’ll need it one day just like your other neighbours did.

makingmammaries · 21/09/2019 12:58

OP, you sound fine. But maybe you speak Spanish in your garden and that’s what the neighbour doesn’t like. Ignore her, she sounds like a miserable cow and you aren’t doing anything wrong.

Dutch1e · 21/09/2019 13:01

They've had the police called on them for harassment and you're worried that YOU'RE unlikeable?

madcatladyforever · 21/09/2019 13:01

Why don't they go and live in an over 50's place if they don't like any noise? I'm considering a park home at the moment and also a bungalow complex with mostly people my age on it even though I still work.
You cannot complain if you live in an area of mixed ages, kids will be kids and they are being totally unreasonable, it is up to them to find a retirement place where there are no kids.
If they want complete silence then they need to move end of.

NoSauce · 21/09/2019 13:01

I think they find me irritating as I always say hello in a really loud voice

Yes that is irritating. Why do you do that?

WombatChocolate · 21/09/2019 13:05

Sounds like their problem not yours.

Clearly they aren't interested in being friendly for whatever reason, so back off a bit and an occasional nod or 'hi' will be fine.

Regarding living your life and your children being children......just carry on. Children won't play silently in the garden and don't need to. If children live next door to me, I expect to hear laughing and shrieking during the day time at weekends or in the holidays if the weather is nice. That's not the same as rowdy kids at 11 at night or loud music played until the small hours......but normal life is perfectly reasonable. Anyone who lives on a street with neighbours cannot expect silence or to never be aware of other people or for children to be silent.....if they do, it's their problem.

Perhaps they do think you grassed on them or have done something you haven't......again, you can't do anything about it.

Don't give it any more thought, but back off from being friendly and carry on living your life in a normal way which includes coming and going, having people over and children playing. As long as you don't make lots of late night noise or behave anti socially during the day, you've nothing to worry about.

SoupDragon · 21/09/2019 13:11

Why don't they go and live in an over 50's place if they don't like any noise?

Perhaps they aren't over 50. Given they appear to have primary aged children it's more likely that they aren't.

howyoulikemenow · 21/09/2019 13:11

You don't sound like you've done anything wrong, they just don't want to engage and you need to respect that.

PeoplesPoet · 21/09/2019 13:13

My neighbours hate me and ignore me too. I have two young children - couple on the left have grown up kids that have moved out, girl on the rights 4 year old lives with his dad (she didn't say why, I didn't ask). My kids dad left us, the youngest is still sore from surgery and when I clean him & put cream on, it hurts, even with me being as gentle as possible - he SCREAMS. Youngest in particilar has had the year from hell. Eldest has had to leave all his friends and move schools. I hand on heart do my absolute best to keep the noise level down but they play and they get over excited and loud. Sometimes all I feel like I do is say "shhhh" and "Boys please can you be quiet", "That's way too loud", "Think of the neighbours"... it drives me insane, amongst a million other things I have to deal with at the same time!..... To be honest them ignoring me is better than them complaining, because if they did I'd have to try really really* really hard to bite my tongue. I honestly do my best.

OP it doesn't sound to be like you're doing anything wrong at all. Just keep it all in reasonable hours and they have nothing to complain about.

pumkinspicetime · 21/09/2019 13:14

OP if they have behaved badly enough to have the police visit then I wouldn't worry about them ( not sure I've completely understood this part)
If your noise levels are more Mexican than British they may find you rather noisy. But equally they may just be miserable people.
I wouldn't give them too much headspace.

IncognitaIgnorama · 21/09/2019 13:14

I, on the other hand, hate my neighbours...

bridgetreilly · 21/09/2019 13:17

But just because they don't let their children go in the garden, why should I have to stop mine?

Literally no one has said you should. Not on the thread, and more importantly, not your neighbours. Why are you spending so much time working out what you assume they think about you instead of just asking them, since you seem to think that's what we should all be doing?

Just get on and live your life the way you want and stop obsessing about your bloody neighbours.

Deadposhtory · 21/09/2019 13:24

Do you speak loudly in Spanish?. My neighbors often have hoards of relatives in their garden all talking and laughing really loudly in another language. It's inconsiderate and annoying

Original poster

Cheeselipbalm · 21/09/2019 13:28

@Deadposhtory I don't but why is it anymore annoying in another language than in English.

OP posts:

saraclara · 21/09/2019 13:32

I don't see why the languuage makes any difference @Deadposhtory. In fact if people are going to be loud I prefer they do it in a language I don't understand. It's easier to ignore, somehow!

But yep, OP, I know what you mean about Spanish people being loud. And maybe you do need to try to tone it down a bit over here. Just as I'd hope that Brits living in Spain will adjust elements of their behaviour to fit in with their local neighbours.

Dutch1e · 21/09/2019 13:32

Do you speak loudly in Spanish?

I didn't know it was possible to speak quietly in Spanish When I'm with Spanish friends it's all I can do to avoid being smacked by a wildly waving hand let alone convince any of them to dial down the volume. It's endearing as hell, I love it.

CBCB7992 · 21/09/2019 13:32

If it was me, I would be the bigger person. Still carrying on saying hello even if they ignore you. They sound like assholes.

My partner hates our neighbours. In fact my partner hates most people. I admit my neighbours Seem a little strange, they are a bit messy, not really out tupe of people, their garden is a tip but he will ignore them, call them names (not to their face obviously) and it’s cringey. I always make a point of speaking to them.

Just be respectful neighbours. There’s nothing wrong with having a good time in the garden unless it’s really Late, let your kids play outside. I assume they have children too if you see them on the school run?

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