How do you and your SO view inheritance/gifts of money/value?

[letsjog]

So it got me thinking with recent threads and how messy it gets.
How do you and your OH view any monetary/high value gifts or inheritance the other gets?

Me and my OH generally have a pretty laid back attitude about it. I wouldn't try to lay claim on anything he is due to inherit and likewise. However I know we will both turn to each other to discuss what the best course of action would be.

Any monetary gifts would probably go towards the credit card and a small sum for a treat if we could afford it. Neither me or OH would go crazy and just buy expensive things for ourselves without consulting each other.
I'm due to be gifted something soon and he said he is happy for me to do as I please with it and it's mine. But I know I will turn to him and ask him to make a decision on it together as I want it to benefit both of us and DCs also.

Any large or small sums of money that might come as a gift from family we would leave to each other but then again I know we would both do something to either benefit the family/pay off something or at least use a bit of it to treat the other person.
Unless the money was gifted for a specific purpose in which case we would use it for that purpose.

I wouldn't dream of dictating to him what to do with inheritance from his side but I also trust and know he would be very sensible with it and do what's best for our family. If he was to blow 10k on his hobby whilst we sit up to our ears in debt then he wouldn't be who I thought he was and likewise.

So I was wondering how does everyone else view inheritance / monetary gifts / property in their relationships?
Is it all 50/50 or not ?

@MissEliza - i wouldn't put up with this set up if I were you - he can/should be paying into your pension too, you should be saving equal amounts into an ISA in your name as he is in his (from the joint account, or he halves his contribution to his and puts half into one in your name). He could/should stop contributions to his altogether until you have the same amount in an ISA in your name. Same with stocks etc.

@eeksville -what would you do with that ringfenced money - the portion you'd ringfence for yourself? Would it not just sit in savings? But then what could you spend that much on which would solely benefit you? If as you say you don't anticipate splitting up, won't that money at some point have to be joint? Trying to understand how people view this inheritance thing!

@Notajogger Im not sure & as I said I have mixed views on it. If we were in dire financial straits than it would defo be family money, if we were comfortable maybe I would use it for a holiday home in my name. When I say ringfence I mean if we separated I would want that share back, although I have no idea if that's even possible.

@cptartapp
I got a decent inheritance which has all gone into my savings so I can retire early. DH has a decent pension and hopes to retire early too. But the inheritance is my money

How would you feel though retiring early with the inheritance you keep, while DH still has to go out to work every day? Would it not be better/cause less resentment if you retired at more or less the same time as you pooled inheritances? And then were able to spend more time together etc?

And I know you said he has a decent pension so hopes to retire at the same time - what would your mindset be inheritance-wise if that weren't the case? Would you still ringfence and retire early?

I ask as our inheritances and pensions are due to be wildly uneven.

Everything in the family pot and shared.

@eeksville ah I see what you mean! Yes not sure on legalities. I'd imagine with a decent length marriage property in sole names would be classed as a marital asset anyway. But that's a whole other conversation i guess!

I’m in a similar quandary. I’ve inherited an unexpected amount of investments, properties and cash which will change my life. DP is keen to start planning the future which means me spending the £££ which he’d benefit from. It’s hard because our relationship has been so on/off. Ultimately I think it depends on the amount. For me, it would be ludicrous for me to expect him to match my investments, he simply couldn’t so he will gain the benefit.

Everything is shared between DH & I, other than money gifted for birthdays.

One of my mums friends who has now passed was divorced from her DH. He remarried & died recently & his new wife & her children have inherited over my mums friends children. Those scenarios scare me.

We’ve had a number of bonuses/inheritances so have had this discussion a few times now. We both feel that it is all ‘our’ money but the person who has earnt it/been gifted it has more of a say if we disagree with how to spend it. We’ve never disagreed on inheritance money (always on something sensible like the mortgage) but we have disagreed on bonus money. My husband has been more inclined to spend that more frivolously but I don’t feel I can argue too hard as he worked for it. We’ve generally compromised so some has been saved and the rest spent on fun.

as one of the posters who had a thread about buying a house with my inheritance, this has been a very interesting read!

We're both in the second marriage camp, with children from both sides, none between us ( too old!)
Over the years we've had money from various house sales, bought and done up houses etc. He works full time and I'm part time. I've had redundancy money plus several insurance payouts, but each time it's been decided jointly what to do with it, after giving ALL the children some money from it.
Any inheritance we receive from parents will be spent jointly, although

All inheritance and ppi payments for example would/has been shared as family money regardless of which side it came from. Small monetary gifts (under £500) would be our own to spend. Never had a bigger money gift than that but I imagine we would share it if it happened! We are a family - all money goes into the family pot except for christmas/birthday money gifts

Sorry pressed the wrong button!
Although any money from our respective parents that we would be due from the sale of their houses would go to our respective children should we die before our parents. We've not been together that long that our kids had the other partners parents as "grandparents" so there isn't that emotional connection.

We reason that anything we inherit from our parents is ours, the kids will inherit our house etc from us.
It's very complicated but I will stress to everyone, make sure everyone knows what's in your will and how it is worked out before you die so there's no surprises. Treat everyone fairly, because it's total shit when you find out differently. Trust me, I know that one!

I'm single right now, but when I was with ex, any monetary gifts/inheritance that came to him was viewed as his only (we weren't married, by his choice, more fool me).

Any money that came to me was also viewed as his, or at least "shared" and earmarked for things to do with the house, and not necessarily discussed with me either.

So I took some money gifted by my dad and took me and the DC off to our own house. OK, rented but at least I can make decisions now.

The worst pain I could ever give him would be to find some legal way to extract money from him. Even better, winning the lottery and him not being able to get his hands on the money. That would cause him actual physical pain.

Small presents like for birthdays, Christmas etc, we use for ourselves. We haven't had any colossal one offs but have had a few four figure payments because of bonuses, inheritance etc and it's been a joint discussion. I'm not sure where we'd draw the line, couple of hundred maybe?

I think we are both of the view that they should generally go towards improving our family as a whole, but we aren’t uptight about that (or finances in general). We both work full time (with 2 dc) and we have a joint account for joint household expenses and also our own personal accounts. I have no idea what dh has in his personal account and he has no idea what I have in mine, but our household expenses are paid proportionate to our incomes and neither of us ever goes without. We have both gotten inheritances in recent years (or in my case, I had an inheritance from when my dad died when I was 18 that I’d saved and decided it was time to do something with it). Both in the region of £10-20k. We invested them jointly as we want to buy a house next year (been very mobile the past few years so haven’t been able to buy). I will get a very large inheritance eventually (probably £1 million+ as my mum re-married a very wealthy guy). I plan to use that to jointly buy investment properties. But dh got £1000 from a very distant relative a few years ago. He used it to buy a piece of equipment that badly needed replacing for his business.

So basically all money does something that ultimately benefits the family even though we don’t operate by the ‘one pot’ principle (as someone who has always had her own money, I think that’s weird, I don’t want to share all my money and financial decisions with anyone). I don’t think either of us would begrudge the other a few grand to enjoy, but the bulk has always supported things to benefit all of us as a family (which makes sense when you’re a team and plan to build a life together).

We pool everything of this kind.

Everything is shared, every penny

We are married and there are 3 adult children from my previous marriage. My dh helped me bring up the youngest from 8. We both have our own bank accounts but both pay in £1k each into joint account each month to pay mortgage and bills including food. We both keep our inheritance to ourselves. I have had two one from aunty and one Mum. I gave each child £2k, paid for holiday for me and dh and paid deposit on 2 btl houses which are in my name My dh's parents are still living but he will inherit providing they don't need to sell house if they need care. I went fown and moved in with my Mum with my sister to look after her when ill.

When I leave my money I leave it to my kids and it’ll be up to them what they do with it. However I’m trying to structure it so that their inheritance gives them an ongoing income and is outside any divorce and can’t be taken from them

SO spends as he likes, 10k car engine, few more thousands on other bits, keeps buying more cars.

I’m not nearly as well paid, a little envious of his spending habits. But we both pay 50/50 into the house and bills. If he had an inheritance he would spend it on something car related. He’s mentioned putting my inheritance into paying the mortgage off so we can get a bigger house.

Very one sided. Always causes an argument so now we keep our finances separate.

Wow. What a CF! Does he think the house would still be 50/50 owned if you did this or does he at least think you're entitled to the value of the extra equity?

@WellButterMyArse I’m sure we can all guess the answer to that