How do you and your SO view inheritance/gifts of money/value?

[letsjog]

So it got me thinking with recent threads and how messy it gets.
How do you and your OH view any monetary/high value gifts or inheritance the other gets?

Me and my OH generally have a pretty laid back attitude about it. I wouldn't try to lay claim on anything he is due to inherit and likewise. However I know we will both turn to each other to discuss what the best course of action would be.

Any monetary gifts would probably go towards the credit card and a small sum for a treat if we could afford it. Neither me or OH would go crazy and just buy expensive things for ourselves without consulting each other.
I'm due to be gifted something soon and he said he is happy for me to do as I please with it and it's mine. But I know I will turn to him and ask him to make a decision on it together as I want it to benefit both of us and DCs also.

Any large or small sums of money that might come as a gift from family we would leave to each other but then again I know we would both do something to either benefit the family/pay off something or at least use a bit of it to treat the other person.
Unless the money was gifted for a specific purpose in which case we would use it for that purpose.

I wouldn't dream of dictating to him what to do with inheritance from his side but I also trust and know he would be very sensible with it and do what's best for our family. If he was to blow 10k on his hobby whilst we sit up to our ears in debt then he wouldn't be who I thought he was and likewise.

So I was wondering how does everyone else view inheritance / monetary gifts / property in their relationships?
Is it all 50/50 or not ?

It would be pooled. DH is pretty generous with money and doesn't spend a lot as he isn't interested. He earns about 4x the amount I do. It just goes into one account. I do all the home finances as he's terrible at it (an accountant - go figure)
The only inheritance I'm ever likely to have is if my step-mum dies. Which is unlikely as she's the sprightliest 75 year old you ever could meet. That would go towards paying off our mortgage and crossing off the house 'to-do' list. And uni fees although that's a few years off yet. (DS2 is already asking how we will fund it as he's planning on Cambridge. He's 9 )

If DH's relatives pop their clogs, then the same thing would happen.

If it were a specific gift, say a car for instance, that he was gifted, I would insist he have it. and vice versa.

We are married with one DC , we do still have separate as well as joint accounts, run our own cars, mobiles, hobbies etc, DH is inheriting some money next year, we already know how much, there's just some legal stuff to be dealt with first (house sale, probate etc) , we're getting a new kitchen. I earn more than he does and whilst I save separately as well as what we pool, the money has gone towards house renovations, wedding, holidays etc. It's essentially all joint money it's just in different pots. If his car blew up I wouldn't sit on an account full of money if he couldn't afford to repair or replace it. We have shared priorities and values so it isn't an issue, we are also financially comfortable and our only debt is our mortgage, one of us wouldn't be blowing £20k on a watch while the other had holes in their shoes, it isn't really complicated.

We have a joint account for bills and general living expenses that we contribute to monthly. We have our own bank accounts where we have separate spending money for ‘fun’ things eg new clothes, nights out etc. We both save a set amount jointly every month.

DH recently had some unexpected inheritance and though I said it was his money to spend as he wants, he put it in the joint savings. I sold my house recently (owned before I met him) and made a profit and that went into joint savings, though it was my money (though I did treat myself to an extortionately priced handbag!) He is set to inherit quite a substantial amount later in life and I would never assume to make demands on that money for myself. Though luckily he is very sensible and we work as a team so any money coming in would be saved/invested/put towards something jointly eg house renovation or DC’s education etc

Married no kids. All shared.

DH won't inherit - his parents died leaving nothing.

V likely i will - and it will be ours.

All money is in one pot. DH doesn't get bonuses as such, his salary is re-calculated quarterly so it just ends up in the account anyway.

My bonus goes normally towards a holiday or something for the house. There is the odd year i buy something just for me as there are times DH buys something for himself of a larger value but that is discussed.

It would be different if money comes for a certain purpose, I was once given money to buy me a specific expensive item so that wasn't even discussed if it was to be used for something else.

If you're married then it's shared money. I know people can do what they like with their own inheritance but honestly if my husband inherited a load of money and then spent it all on himself instead of something for our family I'd be extremely shocked and would reconsider the marriage. I'm sure he'd say the same if roles were reversed.

For context we have DC together so maybe that changes my view compared to couples who don't have DC, or have DC from a previous relationship.

We are married and with DC, we are both assuming that inheritances we receive will be joint and will be used towards mortgage/next house when we need to move etc.

My DH stands to benefit a lot more than me from this arrangement as his family have very little money and mine have quite a lot more. But what would I do with big pots of cash which I'd just be sitting on for years as it was "mine"? Might as well do something useful for the family with it or put it towards our retirement, otherwise it's just numbers in a bank (depreciating in value what with crap interest, and inflation!).

I have a question for some pps who have said that they keep their inheritances separate from their spouses - what do you do with it?

Savings in your own name, fine - but then what? At some point you'll be spending it on something, whether that's retirement or house deposit for the kids etc - I'd consider that to be "joint" spending anyway. What are you doing/planning to do with that money which is solely for your use?

I do have a little bit of money which is "mine" which I saved long before our relationship - we also both take out a small amount for fun money each month before we pool the majority of our income - but that money is just sitting in savings as I'm not really a "spendy" person and don't have a need for anything really. If I wanted optional surgery, or to go on a yoga retreat or something (chance would be a fine thing) that's the money I'd use - but I don't have the need/opportunity for that. So to be honest I'm not quite sure what to do with it - ideas welcome What do you do with your fun money?!

DH has inherited in the past, it has always been family money and has mostly gone into property and savings.

Everything is "our" money apart from small amounts we receive for birthdays. We use those to treat ourselves

Salaries goes into one account once bills are paid anything left is for us to spend as we choose. We only have one "rule" that any large purchase (over £200 usually) are run by the other first just so we can keep track of how much we have left over but in general we just get on with it.

All bonuses go into our savings accounts and usually Cash gifts (that aren't birthday or Christmas related) go into savings too but if it's gifted for a specific reason ie DH mum paid for his sisters kids new beds and furniture so she gave him and his brothers the same amount for the purpose then we spend it on that ...

Unfortunately we've both inherited recently. All the money went into our joint savings.

I also put money that was mine before i met DH and marriage (equity from my first house) into the pot as well as it's for our / our kids joint future

We pool all money, although I had a small inheritance recently and he insisted I spend it on myself. Money for birthdays is separate now, but when we we skint that would be joint and go towards bills/ food.

All money is pooled regardless of where it comes from.

We’re married (nearly 20 years, no DC), he brought more assets to the marriage than me, earnings have varied as to who brings in more. Both of us have had times of not earning while retraining.

Current account and savings are joint, with the exception of ISA’s which have to be in one name, but we add identical amounts to each.

Since we married I have had one windfall of a bit over 30K, he has had 2 inheritances, one of 4K and the other over 300K.

My windfall all went to savings

With his small inheritance, he bought a couple of nice paintings to remember the person by, the rest went to savings.

With his big inheritance, we both had a new car, he bought another nice painting to remember the person by and the rest went to savings.

So, basically it is all shared, but the person who it’s come to is able to nominate what to do with some of it to mark the occasion, as it were, if they want to.

Normally we’d share, though birthday and Christmas gifts are our own to do as we please. Bonuses are shared but usually the person whose bonus it is would spend a bit of it on themselves.

It’s not something we’ve ever really discussed, it seemed a natural pattern to fall into. When my grandmother died though my OH insisted that I spend some of my inheritance on myself rather than pool it all. I’m glad he did - I bought a beautiful piece of jewellery which I treasure and I think of her every time I wear it. If I’d spent it all on the house I’d likely not remember what it went on as we don’t own that house anymore.

Everything is pooled here including inheritance. I inherited about £80k from my dad and it all got put in the joint pot; we both decided how to spend it with some of it saved, some spent on house, a bit spent on frivolous stuff / a nice holiday.

We are married with children, both work full time (I earn about twice as much as him). I get a bonus every year which goes in the joint pot and we usually both agree an 'allowance' of, say, £300 each to spend on something fun, the rest gets saved.
It wouldn't occur to either of us to do things differently

I'd be interested to hear what others think. Dh and I have always pooled money since being students. These days he is a high earner while I have a part time job which doesn't pay much. About twenty years ago, he inherited property in his home country from his dad. I know little about the details but basically he's used that to buy and sell property there with his db. He doesn't want to bring it into the country for tax reasons. It's always been treated as his money which I have no problem with. However I got a small inheritance last year from my dm and I've put it into my pension fund because I have very little put away. He got quite arsey and said I should put it into the house.

MissEliza do you have children together?

separate accounts, inheritance will be up to the person who gets it to decide if they want to share.

We’re married with two kids. All money is shared family money. Bigger purchases are discussed first. We’ve inherited two small inheritances. One was 10k to me from a great aunt. Half paid off a joint credit card and half did up the bathroom. DH got 10k from his granny a couple of years ago which we put towards house moving expenses.

@speakout yes we do.

MissEliza

So your OH is a high earner while you have a part time job. I am guessing you provide most of the childcare between you ?

So realistically your OH has been able to be a "high earner" and a parent because you have been taking the burden of family and children?

No judgement- I did the same thing, but in our family equal effort means equal share of funds. And "effort" does not always mean paid work.

Interesting - DH is due to inherit some money when a family member's estate is wound up within the next six months. I asked him what he wanted to do with it, and he told me clearly that it was a joint decision. It's probably headed for the mortgage account (or possibly some of it for an improved kitchen).

We have both separate and joint accounts - each get paid to our personal ones, then put money into joint and savings. That way we have individual freedom for stuff, but big ticket items and bills are covered from the joint account. We tend to go with the idea that we're a team so we split stuff. If I inherited money/won the lottery then I'd be discussing with DH what we should do with it. He makes more than me, but we budget so we have equal amounts of spending money on fun stuff as well as the basics!

Married almost 20 years, together 30. I got a decent inheritance which has all gone into my savings so I can retire early. DH has a decent pension and hopes to retire early too. But the inheritance is my money. If he gets an inheritance (likely to be more), I will consider it his to do what he wants with. His share options are due to mature too, they are his and that's fine.

I have mixed feelings & probably hypocritical ones about this. I think smaller amounts maybe 80k and under should definitely be shared & put towards mortgage/home improvements/kids/holidays etc although would think it's ok to keep a bit back for the person to do something they choose with it. However if I inherited a significant amount say 150k plus I would probably want it ringfenced for me/& dc. I have no reason to foresee a separation from dh in the future but if it did happen I would want that money.

@speakout Yes I do most of the domestic side which has freed him up to be able to concentrate on work. We both agreed on that. I am aware that I sacrificed a lot of pension in order to do that and now I'm back working I'm trying to save as much as possible for my pension. When we first married, I was earning much more than him and managed to save a lot so I was the one who paid to get us started in our first home in terms of furniture and white goods etc. He didn't pay a penny then. I didn't mind then but I find it bloody ironic he's now looking me to put my savings back into the house again when he's got stocks, a pension and an ISA and I have nothing.

Everything is pooled. No his or hers. Joint bank accounts for everything. It was my money that was our deposit on our first house and then DH became the only wage earner when I gave up work to be a SAHM to our 3 children and now I'm a HW (just call me Hyacinth ) After 30 years married I've just inherited a considerable sum of money but it is our money and I would never ever consider it to be just mine. Just as he would never consider his wages as being his. Our plan now is to spend it