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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They buried their cat in our garden!!!

232 replies

OpiesOldLady · 20/09/2019 09:35

We rent our house and we live at one end of a five house terraced row that has a communal garden stretching from one end to the other behind the houses. The gardens havent been seperated just to make it easier to mow. At the back of the garden and going round either side is a fence with shrubbery and bushes/trees in front of it. We haven't lived here long and havent really used our part of the garden much. NDN knocked and introduced herself when we moved in and asked would we mind if her grandchildren played on our bit of garden as well when they come to visit. Of course I don't mind.

Sadly, our ndn's cat was recently run over and killed out on the road. I've just been to peg out our washing and have noticed that they've buried the cat in our garden. Not just a little bit in, but proper under the tree halfway down the edge of our garden. Complete with headstone and flowers.

I can't understand why they would do this. They have trees/bushes in their own garden they could have buried it under, and they didn't even ask!

*WIBU to dig up the deceased moggy and deposit it on her doorstep and tell her to rebury it in her garden?

*Obviously I won't but still..

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 20/09/2019 09:54

I think you need to let your landlord know about this. The situation over ownership and use of the gardens sounds really confusing. If the garden is private, I would want it fenced in and I would be cautious about letting others use it on a regular basis as it may form the basis of a future right to access claim. Burying the cat is one thing, putting up a headstone is quite another. I think your landlord needs to be informed and he/she needs to decide what to do next.

CircleofWillis · 20/09/2019 09:54

notacooldad but the headstone etc is above ground and in the IP's bit of garden.

As PPs have suggested I would inform your LL and ask your neighbours to remove the visible evidence.
(They don't suspect you of running over the cat, do they?)

Sparklingbrook · 20/09/2019 09:54

Sounds like a very strange set up. Maybe they see the garden as communal, or the cat used to sit in that spot or something? I don't know, just ask them?

I would expect them to be fairly upset if their cat has been run over and killed though so be gentle.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 20/09/2019 09:55

Speak to your landlord and see what she/he says, before you speak to your neighbours. Hopefully the landlord will deal with it.

TriDreigiau · 20/09/2019 09:55

I'd contact the landlord and tell them this has been done - they may know, they may not and want to take it further plus as pp says it males it clear to LL that it wasn't you.

HeronLanyon · 20/09/2019 09:57

Could be that tree was special place for the cat and they have been irrational about it all.
Obvs they should not have buried it there and/or without speaking to you etc.
How about talking to them and agreeing to let the memorial be there for a certain period then to be returned to them/their own garden. The cat itself wouldn’t worry me as long as deeply buried.
Obvs they’ve been unreasonable and you should talk to them but remember losing a loved pet can be just like losing a person and they’ll likely be very sensitive and perhaps still unreasonable. You’ll need to be bigger person whilst still getting memorial dealt with.
How bizarre !

Beautiful3 · 20/09/2019 09:58

If you own it then put up a fence. If you're rented then ask the ll if he can put up a divide. I would leave the cats remains alone. Perhaps it was his favourite spot? Maybe because the boundaries are undefined they thought you wouldnt mind? Needs clear boundaries I.e. fence.

Sparklingbrook · 20/09/2019 09:59

Does the landlord own all the houses in the row?

LannieDuck · 20/09/2019 09:59

I feel the need to ask whether it was wrapped in a Tescos bag? ;) But that's maybe a bit too meta, and referencing a totally different forum...

Pamplemousecat · 20/09/2019 09:59

Just the poor soul to rest in peace. They obviously loved their cat. It must have been a special little spot for him/her. To the posters encouraging digging up - you are vile.

dollydaydream114 · 20/09/2019 10:01

I think you need to clarify all this with the landlord.

If the garden is a communal space and the 'everyone has their own section' arrangement is purely informal and unofficial there isn't much you can do. But if your section of the garden is definitely, officially yours and yours alone, they obviously shouldn't be burying a dead cat in it.

It sounds to me as if people are simply assuming that they 'own' their section of the garden because people have made it look that way with garden furniture etc, when in fact it is perhaps a communal space that simply hasn't been used that way. (Although even if that is the case, it's actually still quite odd that your neighbours didn't bury their cat on 'their' bit.)

dollydaydream114 · 20/09/2019 10:02

They obviously loved their cat. It must have been a special little spot for him/her

I loved my dog, but I wouldn't have buried her in someone else's garden without asking.

Notajogger · 20/09/2019 10:04

It's weird but I'd probably be inclined to just leave it. Or perhaps ask if they got permission from your LL - say you're worried about the fact that the upkeep of the garden is your responsibility and you're not sure how this would factor in or something.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/09/2019 10:05

'Hi neighbour, I see you buried your cat in our landlord's part of the garden. Just to let you know that when we move they will absolutely remove the grave or at least the headstone, they won't like it at all - so do you want to move Moggy now to somewhere more permanent? It would be very upsetting for the grave to be destroyed I'm sure.'

CassianAndor · 20/09/2019 10:10

How strange, you'd think they'd want their cat's grave in their own bit of the garden, what with the headstone and all.

I think you'll have to ask them. And then report back to us!

I have to say, I quite like the idea of your garden set up, it sounds really nice and friendly.

jessycake · 20/09/2019 10:10

Tell your landlord , if he owns the garden he may not be very happy about it and it will be easier to remedy sooner rather than later. It is a strange thing to do

familycourtq · 20/09/2019 10:11

This is a classic!

HeronLanyon · 20/09/2019 10:12

Can’t believe this but I think I may be the first to ask for a diagram ?

rosesandcashmere · 20/09/2019 10:15

It's weird she didn't do it in her own bit of garden but it's not like it's going to wake up and shit in your bit of garden. No harm done, leave it be

Kaddm · 20/09/2019 10:17

That’s fucking weird and I’d just get on to the landlord to get it moved.

You let someone take the piss once, they’ll carry on taking the piss.

Why did her grandchildren need to play on your garden? What’s wrong with hers?

ElizaPancakes · 20/09/2019 10:19

I think you need to talk to them - I like @FizzyGreenWater’s suggestion.

notacooldad · 20/09/2019 10:21

notacooldad but the headstone etc is above ground and in the IP's bit of garden
I know but I'm guessing ( and I could be wrong ) that it is not human gave stone size but more of a small plaque. It's a communal garden that doesn't even belong to the OP.
In the circumstances described it still wouldn't be an issue and I can't see why there is so much upset about it.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/09/2019 10:23

It's more the fact that they didn't ask or mention it at all. Of course I'd have said yes but would have asked why they couldn't have used their own garden.

It would have been nice of them to ask you, but legally, I think they'd only need to ask your landlord. If you're not sure if your landlord knows, you should mention it to them - they may not want cat bones in their garden, and even if they don't mind, they should be aware incase they ever let to people with dogs etc.

It seems a really odd set up for the gardens... I wonder if they are actually private, or if it is communal with a gentleman's agreement that everyone "owns" their portion. Does cat lady own her home, do you know?

cardamoncoffee · 20/09/2019 10:23

This is a really odd thing to do without asking your permission. I have a dearly loved cat and I'd want him to be buried in my garden. It's just odd altogether.

I'd also contact the LL, having a headstone in a garden would put me off buying/renting a property. I wonder will the neighbour be turning it into a memorial and regularly placing flowers etc on it?

OP I'd be tempted to hire a JCB and turn over a section of her garden. When she asks what's going on i'd say that you've always wanted an allotment and didn't want to disturb the cat's grave.

Patnotpending · 20/09/2019 10:23

Tell your landlord and ask for legal clarification on the status of the garden and what you may and may not do in it. It may be that legally you all have access all areas and it's just habitual use that has led to the situation of sheds and clear 'sections'.

I would also go round to the neighbours and have a grown-up conversation along the lines of you're sorry about what happened to their cat but the fact that they've chosen to bury it in what you regard as your bit of the communal garden has upset you. Could they explain why they had done that please because the fact the fact that they asked if their grandchildren could play in 'your' bit clearly indicates that they regard it as your garden, requiring your permission for access – so why didn't they ask before buying the cat there?

I speak as someone who had an upstairs flat and a private section of the back garden which I rarely used. One day I went out there to find that one of my neighbours had started storing building materials in it. 'You're not out here much, I didn't think you'd mind' he said. People will push boundaries until you start pushing back.