To think raising a child was much easier for previous generations?

[wondering7777]

For my parents and certainly my grandparents’ generation, bringing up children must have been so much easier.

Mortgages were a hell of a lot cheaper for starters, but now the average home costs something like ten times the average salary. As a result, in most cases both parents have to go out to work whether they want to or not, and pay extortionate childcare costs to keep a roof over their heads. In the “old days” mothers were far more likely to be able to take time off work and the family could pay the mortgage on one salary.

In addition, my grandparents’ generation were much more likely to have family living nearby and a more close-knit community to help raise the child.

Judging from what I read on Mumsnet, there’s also a lot of competitive parenting these days, and a lot of parents feel they have to put their child at the centre of their universe, which causes stress. Children from my grandparents’ era were left to their own devices and would play out for hours.

There was no technology then so no angst about children accessing the internet and the reams of inappropriate content that is readily available at the click of a button.

Uni was free so parents didn’t have to save up to send those kids who did go, and jobs were far more readily available when children left school.

Also, the cartoons were better

AIBU?

No, they did not have it easier. The challenges were different and in some ways harder. (This is in the US I am talking)
My grandmother was a child during the Depression. So her family lived in a tent city and every day was a battle to not die of starvation. She only got as far as 4th grade (age 9) insofar as schooling goes. As an adult, she lived through WWII but since her husband had not made arrangements for his pay to be paid to her she was essentially a single mother and had to work a factory. Leaving my aunt in the care of my great grandmother. After her husband returned, she divorced and remarried. Three kids later, she did not want any more kids but because of society her husband was legally allowed to rape and keep on impregnating her. No abortion either. She was forced to have three more kids before her husband ran off with a younger woman. She then got breast cancer and with no universal healthcare died before she was sixty- a broken and worn out husk.

Have you paid 15% on a mortgage? In the 70s. 10% deposit was the norm and wages were all low. My DH had a weekly wage of £11 for 40 hours week working shifts including Sat and Sun. My wage was £7.00 a week for 40 hours. I did go out to work when children were young and no family support. With shift work childcare was juggled between us most of the time but did need to be supplemented with nursery.No assistance with costs. People didn't go out to pubs when they had children I usually a very special occasion. Alcohol was hardly drunk in the home, it was far too expensive. Clothing was worn and lasted a lot longer no cheap outlets in those days. No car, again too expensive, very few low interest loans or hire purchase to be had. Shopping was done about 3 tines a week walking to a d from shops. There was very little tv for kids so no screen babysitting. Microwave!? What on earth was that and certainly no ready meals. Disposable nappies were very very rare and useless. Children had to be entertained but did learn that boredom caused them to think for themself about what they could do. Holidays were not expected to be in an all inclusive venue with childrens'activities, there was of course Butlins! And certainly not abroad. Yes there was no problem with screen dependancy and parents very rarely asked children what they would like or prefer to do. They basically made decisions for them up until secondary age anyway. Not everything in the previous generation's life was coated in honey nor was the one before that. We are all so easily lulled by the marketing world into thinking we can't live without all the junk and lifestyle image they throw at us. Was life easier then, nope. Just different.
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Haven’t RTFT, but the hardest thing about raising kids now is the research that we all have open access too. It’s great that we know so much about what kid’s bodies and minds need, and means we can give them the best start possible. But it’s also a big responsibility and pressure for parents (often mothers).

You can’t just ‘get by’ with parenting these days, hoping for the best. Once you know how important a fresh diet is to brain development (for example) it’s on you to provide it. That’s true across so many areas, it is quite hard to navigate.

On the upside, so many childhood problems are talked about and well-managed (or cured) now.

How far back are you thinking? I was a mum and bought a house in the mid 70's, mortgage interest did go up to 17%. There were automatic washers in the 60's, my mum had one and a Tumble dryer, and I was on the pill in 1969, coils for contraception were available in the 70s, so not really primitive as a
ok states, although no morning after pill as far as I was aware.
There was less technology, so no mobiles or microwaves, but it wasn't easier just different problems for different times.

Hmm, how old are your parwnts and grandparents op?

My grandma was born in 1912 she was quite wealthy. Her father went away to war. Her mother kept the four dc and farm afloat. No CH, copper in the wash house for laundry and a mangle. Grandma and her sister were v lucky as they were quite well educated. Grandad was born 1910 and fled Russia in 1917 arriving in England c1920 with very, very little.

Mother was born 1936. Grandparents had little. War in 1939. Grandma's brothers and grandad were called up and she returned to the farm, partly as a safe home and partly to help (work). Brother one was shot down in 1942, brother two returned from Japanese pow camp and shot himself in 1962. Grandma inherited the farm.

Mother met father and married in an empire line dress in early 1960. Sent away to the South Coast for a "respectable" period due to the shame of having a baby five months after marriage. Apart from that life was ok becausd we were quite well off but the food we ate was exotic wven compared to my peers because my parents were a bit exotic. Things like garlic, pasta, parmesan were not available locally. Black and white tv, three channels, shops shut on Sundays. I remember many people with outside toilets, tin baths, no ch - rural poverty.

DH's grandad born 1909, eldest of 9, sent down the mine on his 14th birthday - his teacher begged for him to stay at school he was so clever, but they needed the money for food.

I also remember lots and lots of people in the 60s and 70s in rented accommodation - I don't recall home ownership being the holy grail. Also, very few went to uni - mostly people wemt tonteacher trainong college, nursing locally, secretarial college, civil service at 16 or 18 or into the high street banks.

I started work in 1981 - some of my friends lived in grim shared houses. My first flat built in 1962 did not have ch. I recall interest rates of 12% regularly in the 80s.

Had my first baby in 1994. Had to have two years' service for mat leave which was 6 months tops. I think SMP was about £35 pw. Tax credits didn't exist, nursery vouchers were scrapped. You were lucky to get 12.5 hrs pw at a state nursery if your child was 3. The day nursery opened at 8am and closed at 6pm so full-time work was almost impossible with a commute.

I can't see that things are harder now. I really can't.

Swings and roundabouts I think. Previous eras faced high infant mortality, malnutrition, no welfare state or nhs and utter dependency on your male breadwinner. Doesn't sound like much fun. Maybe it was great for a while in 1975.

Rose tinted glasses... YABU

Oh, the good old days.
Some of it seemed good.
More freedom to play out seemed good & that meant my parents weren't spending time or money on me whilst I was doing that.
They didn't have to make the effort to walk me to school or anything, I was walking home alone (including crossing multiple busy roads) at 5 years old by myself.
More expectation for girls to work in the home, so I spent most of my time I was not at school childminding, cooking, cleaning, washing once I got to about 10 (I'd babysat many times before then for a very small baby) until I got a real job at 14 then I did that too.
That must have made us easier to raise - leaving me to do most of the work (I was the oldest)

There was less overthinking every single thing about your childs life & less judgement from others but that did leave more children vulnerable, so it wasn't so good for the kids & that only held true if you were a married woman.

Every office was a cloud of smoke because people smoked in the office.
I remember walking through M&S holding my mothers hand whilst she smoked as we cut through to the car park.
Cigarettes butts on the floor in the supermarket.
Smoking in the cinema, the pub, the restaurant, the car (with no seatbelts)
The smoking room in the maternity ward that made the entrance to the maternity ward actually look foggy it was so jam packed with mothers the door was constantly going.

Office work where men thought nothing of smacking the backside of the new office junior as she walked by.
Benny Hill on the tv & people laughed.

Only knowing one woman who managed to get a mortgage as a single woman (but not a single parent) which she managed by saving a colossal deposit.

Children being referred to as being bastards because their parents were not married & it really mattered.

Gay kids? Don't ever tell the rest of the family, or the neighbours or anyone you know.
Gay parents?
Don't even go there.

Someone who was a different colour dating or marrying into your family?
Move away & never tell anyone.
I literally only found out a few years ago by accident that one of my relatives married a 'black' man (no offence intended with that word, it's the only one she used, I have no idea what race he was/is, my mother is so racist that could mean Greek, Italian or Aboriginal).
They were 'made' to move away & nobody in the family ever mentioned them again.
Racism then was even worse than it is now.
How hard must it have been for that couple raising kids?

1970s NHS dentists? Don't get me started on the horror that was NHS dentistry. There's a reason being told you have British Teeth is not a complement.
If a modern dentist did what a 1970s dentist did to my mouth he would have been convicted of assault or child abuse.
Health Visitors used to recommend Ribena, you have never seen a mouth like a childs would be with next to no brushing & a lot of Ribena. There was no such thing as sugar free squash.
Tooth loss was an expected side effect of pregnancy & it's not so long ago it was common for women to have false teeth in their 50s.
Is that easier?
Food was mostly beige & vegetables were boiled to within an inch of their lives.
Midwives used to recommend Guinness to up your iron intake & didn't even ask if you smoked.

There is plenty wrong today too.
Some of the problems we had are gone or lessened but now there are new ones to take their place.

If you are a woman, right now it's much better for you than it used to be so as a woman raising children in some ways it's easier.

While it’s not a whole generation, when I had my first baby 17 years ago I remember feeling very isolated as I was the first of all my friends to have children. While I joined NCT, there were no social media mums groups and I found it hard to find out what was going on locally and meet other like minded mums. I think that’s all much easier now and there also seems like much more on for mums and little ones. But I also think the pressure that comes with seeing people with insta perfect lives and things like breastfeeding apps must also create their own problems.

Lots of interesting comments and I agree with most the YABU and many things today are better

And uni is still free if you are Scottish and go to Scottish uni

Yabu.
You do know that being an unmarried woman was frowned upon don’t you and that women who werent married had their babies taken away from them.
Only men could have a mortgage.
When a woman had a child she was often told her job would no longer exist.
I could go on.
My grandfather had to work down a mine aged 11.
His father died and he was the oldest son so that was the only way the family could survive.
You think children have it bad today.
Tv was crap when I was a child. No tv on demand, no screens.
Had to walk everywhere.
I remember the blackouts of the 70s. I couldn’t do my homework because we had no lights.
A relative of my mums was a miner and went on strike for better pay. Winston Churchill sent in the army and told them to “Shoot the bastards.”
Yep great times.

My grandma had 11 brothers and sisters. They lived in a 2 bedroomed house!
I remember her saying that half her siblings had to work nights in order to have a bed to sleep in.

Anyone who was cohabiting was referred to as living over the brush.
Divorce was frowned upon.
Illegitimate children were called bastards unmarried women were referred to as sluts.

There were so many women who tolerated cheating, violent, abusive husbands rather than face the shame of divorce.

I agree with you about the cartoons, but no. Life wasn't much easier. Just different.

Women werent allowed to work when they got married. Imagine what happened if you lost your husband? Again, women were not allowed a career or to have any expectations above getting married and having children.

The cost of mortgages to income again, is subjective. If you choose to live in an expensive part of the uk, that's your choice. If you go anywhere north of Watford you'll find houses still cost 3 or 4 times your salary.

And, nobody has to go to university. There are hundreds of employers who will sponsor an apprentice through university if you want to do that.

In the 70s there were several high profile cases of celebs marrying 14 year old or younger girls.

So no i definitely don't agree with you.

@Treacletoots Some slight exaggerations there! It's not that women weren't allowed to work once they were married, just that many chose to leave in those days because the culture was different and women often became the homemaker and cared for their children. Many women still worked though-the country couldn't have operated without women working!

And how did anyone marry a 14 year old?

In the 70s there were several high profile cases of celebs marrying 14 year old or younger girls.

Who?

@fresta I'm only going from what my grandmother told me. Her company policy was that they didn't employ married women, and that all companies has the same policy.

Also. Mick Jagger..?

And Celine Dion? She was groomed by her manager, now late husband!

@Treacletoots

Did either Mick Jagger’s wife or Celine Dion get married at or under the age of 14?

I remember hearing from my mum and others, that had to give up their jobs when they married. I think it must have been certain professions.

In some ways, you are absolutely right. No overthinking was done; you went to the local school, and that was that. Children really did get to play outdoors for hours, and I'm glad I experienced that as a child. Of course this made the parental role easier! And parents certainly didn't spend their time ferrying their kids around to clubs and activities.
On balance OP, I agree with you, but like in any point of time, life was easier with money behind you.

I don't think so Treacle, Nobody can get married at 14 in the US or the UK as it's illegal. Mick Jagger has only been married once as far as I know and she can't possibly have been 14. Celine Dion was young when she met her husband and he was older than her- but groomed? I don't think so- they had a happy marriage as far as I know and didn't marry when she was 14- she was much older.

Yeah, im sure life was super easy with a world war going on. Blackouts and bombers flying overhead.

Bill Wyman and Mandy Smith perhaps

Bill Wyman and Mandy Smith perhaps

Who was 18 when they got married, not ‘14 years old or younger’ because that is and was illegal here.