To ask if SAHM on benefits also have it hard

[Tryinghardereveryday]

I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend.

This morning a was taking LO to nursery,
Which costs me a fortune. I am considered to have a good wage and I work FT. I own my own home.

A woman was walking her dog with her children. She lives in a council house, Her home is identical to mine.She’s single and doesn’t work. I am assuming she is in receipt of benefits.

I thought what’s the point of working so hard... I get limited time with DD whilst she gets to see her children full time. If I don’t work my home gets repossessed. I pay council tax, childcare fees and receive no financial help with anything.

Am I better off than those who have financial help? Does working FT provide me with a better lifestyle? This woman is not struggling. She also claims free childcare. A part from my annual holiday away (which I am grateful for) I don’t think I have anything more than she does and I don’t think that’s completely worth it.
The good thing about working is the contribution to my pension. But poorer older people also get additional assistance. Very few of us will get to pass inheritance to our children as our equity (anything above £23000) will possibly be used to pay for our care in old age.

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

But the “childcare” is for the benefit of the child.

Also I was still working until ds2 started nursery and as he didn't get a diagnosis until he was at nursery when he was there he didn't benefit from the two year funding ,he is a child with complex disabilities and is non verbal ,he would have benefited from the two year funding more than most children .

It maybe for the child but it doesn't stop people being resentful when they are struggling and exhausted .

When he was three not there!*

@Whatisthisfuckery I totally get your rage.

People on benefits are on a constant knife-edge where one small calamity, like a washing machine repair, can tip them into penury and put them at risk of homelessness. In the SE, where rents are high, a single mum of two, living in "affordable" social housing can be benefit capped, which means that they receive less than the mythical "amount the law says they need to live on".

A former client of mine was left with £70 a week to live on, after paying the top-up on her rent and her bills (energy, water, and 20% of her council tax). She cried when her 14-year old son came home with the sole hanging off his school shoes, she had no idea how she was going to get him a new pair. It's just shite.

OP, what you're working for is choices. You've got options, and those options will increase as time goes on, until ultimately your kids will be grown up, your mortgage will be paid off and if you want to rent your house out and sail round the world or whatever your dream is you'll be able to. You may, like my friend, be able to retire at 50 and go and live in France or, like another friend, spend the summer months travelling the waterways in their narrowboat, while their house earns a good lump of money thanks to Air bnb.

You'll also be able to help your kids through uni so they don't have to work all the hours god sends or to buy their first home. You'll be able to pay it forward. And you'll be setting them a great example.

It's bonkers that childcare is so fucking expensive though. I know a couple of people who are worse off working f/t than p/t, because of childcare costs and the fact that the extra income means they have to start repaying their student loans.

My single SAHM friends are not hard up. They have more spare cash than I do 🤷

Isn't the assumption that wi king parents will be better off if they're building a career? What about those in retail outlets dead end jobs? They still have to work on MW with no career prospects.

I've been where you are op. Working silly hours for c£30k and paying more in childcare than mortgage, plus commuting costs, clothing for work etc, no spare money, no time with my child, no family help. It was lonely and depressing and more than once I considered giving up work. I would have been financially as well off in the early years, and would have been able to have time to myself too.
I think the other thing no one seems to get is that there are additional things you get if you are a sahm on benefits, that are only available in working hours-there was eg free childcare at the council gym, free classes at sure start (classes only on during working hours, though).
It felt very alll or nothing-you seem to get no help at all if you work and it seems really unfair. In addition you never meet people with children because all the activities are on when you're at work and people are having fa.ily time at the weekends when you're free.
My advice would be...hanging there. 12 years on I see clearly in my industry sahm trying to get work and being rejected because of lack of recent experience, whereas I have moved on and had several promotions since then. O n reflection though hard at the time it was worth hanging in there.

I do believe that we should live in a society where working pays. There should be no ‘better off calculations’

In any welfare system, this calculation will always exist for those on the cusp. In order for it not to exist, benefits would have to be much lower which would leave children at risk. Or wages would need to be much higher which would impact the economy.

It maybe for the child but it doesn't stop people being resentful when they are struggling and exhausted .

That resentment is entirely misplaced. Blame the Government for having a system that doesn’t help you rather than blaming people on low incomes for having a system which helps them.

Isn't the assumption that wi king parents will be better off if they're building a career? What about those in retail outlets dead end jobs? They still have to work on MW with no career prospects.

Yes, exactly. It's taken me 16 years to get a £1 an hour more than min wage, pay rise. 16 fucking years of f/t work, and I still now get tax credits because I can't earn enough on 40hrs a week to live on. Luckily childcare isn't an issue now, so I'm saving a bit there (I was funded 75% through TC back then for childcare) so I paid 25% out of my wage, which was still enough to worry about having.
Forget being ill, forget ill children, you don't work, you just lose that money.
That £1 an hour makes a difference though, it means I can finally afford some online training to hopefully better myself -totally out of reach for 15 years. But there's been times I've been tempted, 4 x12 hour shifts back to back and a teething baby at night, and still too skint to put my heating on.
But that's not the fault of other people on benefits, it's the fault of a government that actively encourages employers to exploit people, and a government that do the same.

@LakieLady

This is very true and always the unseen side. The fear - can’t describe it.
I also live in the SE and my social housing rent is £880 per month. I’m just lucky it’s not more.
Actual council housing is nowadays very old and not in the best shape. The new houses you see that are HA are rent to people at 80% of the market value

Every household has to do what works for them. The OP is most likely assuming a lot about the lady in question. I am a lone parent to 3dcs. Dd15, dd9 and ds 17 months. Some people must think I live the life of riley. I work part time and get some maintenance. My children get a lot of hand me downs from family. These are often designer or unworn. I am a massive bargain hunter too. Dd15 has OCD, anxiety and is we attend appointments weekly for various different things. There is also a CAF ( think this is right) due to dd15. I would be unable to work full time at the moment due to child care and dd15. The benefits I get enable us to survive as a family at the moment. People know nothing about individual circumstances.

And she also claims childcare benefits - 15 hours a week. Why the fck does she need it if she doesn't work?*

It an entitlement for children not parents.

You have a lot more than her.

What happens if your washer breaks? Can you afford to have it fixed? Do you need to take out a loan that comes out of your benefits?

If you manage to save some money are you penalized for that?

If a relative dies to you have to grovel to DWP to afford to attend the funeral?

@Marzipane. Your post made me a bit tearful, a story with a happy ending but sad at the same time. I know your MIL is OK now but I'm so upset that she did all that, had no time with her children because her ex didn't pay her a penny.

There are lots of people who are working that would also struggle to replace a washing machine if it broke down ,and don't have savings and live month to month Sashh, I can see it from both sides ,as I said in my previous post when I was working ,on paper it looked like a good income ,but when everything was paid out we were left with little disposable income, now I'm my child s carer ,we still.don't have much disposable income ,but we are not worse off.

🙋‍♀️I’m a benefits scrounged! It’s fantastic being at home doing nothing all day. See before I became a scrounger, and I was well, I was on over 45k, 68k at one point (I have 2 degrees too!), so that made me a net contributor too.

I love it when people tell me they work so I can stay at home 🤣 for a lot of those I paid more in tax and insurance then they bring home each month!

But that’s it with life, I wasn’t expecting that stupid bitch that sunny morning to not have her eyes on the road when she drove into me. I now swallow 32 tablets a day, am in chronic pain 24/7, I’m unable to work, due to the problems it has caused, I lost my career that I worked so god damn hard for, and sacrificed seeing my children for over 10 years. I have nothing to show for it.

But hey, why whinge the government gives me money and a house, and I have all the time in the world.

Now let’s be honest, which life would you prefer of mine? My before or my now?

"It maybe for the child but it doesn't stop people being resentful when they are struggling and exhausted ."

They are resentful of the wrong people.

@Itsnotmesothere I feel the same! If only her ex had paid something she could have seen her lovely boys more. She was very young too (had both boys by the time she was 20) so she lost all those young years to work. She has osteoporosis now and struggles (her work was cleaning and being a care assistant) which I'm sure was made worse from the stress and long working hours.

She's happy now, and both her sons are amazing men. Us DIL's love her to bits, she's so positive and caring. But I have huge sympathy for what she went through, and I hope she doesn't regret her decisions.

“have to spend half a day printing out bank statements several times a year just to prove that the money the social have given you isn’t too much”

I’m really not sure why having to do this is an issue for those claiming benefits? Some people do try to scam the system and it’s good that we have checks in place. Half a day printing out bank statements 4 times a year is fair, in exchange for the £1000s available in benefits.

OP - single mothers on benefits are in a poverty trap. Their income will drop substantially when the children grow up. Unless they have used their time to upskill then it’s likely that they will be forced into a minimum wage job and will struggle to make ends meet - there is little financial help available for people who don’t have any dependents.

@TheOliphantintheRoom

Is that 40k per person or is it 40k household income?

Mackerz

Single mothers on benefits are in a poverty trap. Their income will drop substantially when the children grow up. Unless they have used their time to upskill then it’s likely that they will be forced into a minimum wage job and will struggle to make ends meet - there is little financial help available for people who don’t have any dependents

What about those that already in that poverty trap? I have the required qualifications to have a very well paid job, however there are no opportunities where I live and I'm forced to work in a MW job. Because we're both working parents (at MW) we get no help. I don't resent the people on benefits, but frankly I'm not seeing my DC for a difference of £300 a month. I blame the government for not having a universal childcare policy.

I do feel for you OP as it is particularly tough when you're just over the boundary salary wise for getting any help and your child is in full time nursery. I particularly sympathise with not getting much time with your DC. It could be worth crunching some numbers to see what your financial position would be if you dropped a day or even half a day? Or do 4 longer days if possible? Or even spread your mortgage over a longer term (for now) to reduce costs?

As hard as things are, I think keep in mind your earnings will go up, your childcare costs will go down and you will eventually pay off your mortgage. So, in a few years time, your DC will be at school which will reduce the childcare, in 10 years time you'll be on more money with no childcare to pay. In 20 years time (I'm guessing here!) you'll have no mortgage or rent, no child to fund and a higher salary. Also, if you end up living with someone in future then you will be better off and have no difficulty of benefits reducing, needing them to fund you etc.

I've been there too OP. Single mum of two at nursery, working FT in a stressful demanding job. My kids were always to come first so bringing them up as I always wanted in little time and energy was very hard and I was do envious of mums who got to stay home and had 5 times more than me to be a good mum.

When I found out that a friend who'd also found herself a single mum claiming benefits oy had a couple of £100s less than I at the end of month everything included, I felt like giving it all up.

15 years on, I am so happy that I didn't. Whilst my financial.sirustion improve month on month, benefits got much less generous in the recent years. Mortgage interests have to be repaid, ft work has to be sought after the youngest is 12, and now with UC, you can't have much saving any longer. At the time I didn't even think of what life would be when the kids left education, tax credits stopped as well as maintenance stopped. Thankfulky my friend retrained and went back to work almost ft when her kids were still at primary.

Another friend though didn't, her two eldest has left home, resulting in a massive load of income. She is now starting to really panic as her youngest will follow in two years time. She's had relationships and had hoped to get married again, but it hasn't happened. She's had a very nice lifestyle until now and is facing a life of living on nnw or reduced benefits.

Working with little kids is very tough but it really is worth it. The future is at our door before we know it.

TBH you do not know whether she struggles or not. She might have some huge credit card debts, she might be late with bills etc. And when her toddler turns 5, she will have to switch to jobseekers allowance, sign on at the jobcenter and prove she is actively looking for work.