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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to this sleepover for my 13 year old son...

77 replies

Cactus76 · 19/09/2019 15:56

Please help me out here!! 13 year old son (yr9) - am I being an a overprotective parent or not?
He’s come home from school asking if he can go for a sleepover at X’s house tomorrow night. I’ve barely heard of X before, he’s not one of DS’s close friends (he doesn’t have many unfortunately) and he lives in a small village a fair way from where we live - area is quite rural so we’re all spread around. I’ve said that he can, providing that I’ve had confirmation from X’s parents that this is ok and that I have their contact details. He’s not happy about this at all and has said that no one else’s parents behave like this and he ‘just won’t go then’. Because he’s not had lots of friends and we don’t live near the school, I don’t know many parents in his year to talk to / get more info from. We’ve had a bit of a history of deceptive behaviour lately and he was caught smoking at school this week, so I do have concerns about the direction things are heading.
He’s my eldest, so this is all new territory for me. Is it normal for kids to head off to sleepovers with unknown parents / kids etc at this age?
Thank you.

OP posts:
drinkygin · 19/09/2019 15:59

Ha! Not a chance. He’s up to something...highly doubt he will be where he claims he’s staying. He’s got a huff on because he’s been caught out.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 19/09/2019 15:59

I think you trust your gut on this one-

you don't sound over protective to me-alarm bells would be ringing-
especially as this is coupled with the smoking in school etc...

how was he planning to get there and home?

Quartz2208 · 19/09/2019 16:00

you havent said no though. You want to (rightly) confirm with the parents that they are ok with it and touch base.

The fact he wont tell you is the issue because he is clearly not telling the truth

Hoppinggreen · 19/09/2019 16:00

Dd is 14 and in Y10 and I do know most of her friends but I still need parental confirmation of sleepovers

Stressedout10 · 19/09/2019 16:01

It's a classic plot to get a night unsupervised and you've just caught him out hence the strop 🤣

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2019 16:03

It's not normal and it would be extremely irresponsible of you to allow this "sleepover." I would be telling him you've reconsidered and this sleepover isn't happening. He's a 13 year old child, he doesn't get a vote.

Brakebackcyclebot · 19/09/2019 16:04

No way would my DS be going to a sleepover this weekend if he'd been caught smoking at school earlier this week!

As to your question - I would be happy with other parent's contact details and a chat with them over the phone. I think.

HeadintheiClouds · 19/09/2019 16:05

No chance.

LL83 · 19/09/2019 16:05

Not a chance would I allow even the most trustworthy child to go for a sleepover without contacting parents.

Onatreebyariver · 19/09/2019 16:07

Ha ha no chance would I let him go without contacting the parents first.

He's in a huff because he's been caught.

yearinyearout · 19/09/2019 16:07

When I was that age myself and three friends all told our parents we were sleeping at each other's houses. We camped in a field and drank cider.

ALoadOfTwaddle · 19/09/2019 16:08

Trust your gut.

Bouffalant · 19/09/2019 16:08

I agree with you.

When I was 14 or so and said I was going on sleepovers I was actually getting pissed on cider in a playing field and camping under the treehouse in the children's play park.

Bouffalant · 19/09/2019 16:09

@yearinyearout Snap!

RedskyLastNight · 19/09/2019 16:10

I know scarcely any of my DC's friends so going off to sleepovers with unknown children is absolutely normal.
I always ask for a parental contact number so I think that bit is fine, but I wouldn't expect their parents to actually confirm (and on the flipside, I've never been asked to confirm that I am actually having a sleepover when we have DC's friends over).

But ... my DC are pretty trustworthy and have not been recently caught out with deceptive behaviour. That does change things.

hanahsaunt · 19/09/2019 16:10

Common practice here for parents to check with each other.

OrchidInTheSun · 19/09/2019 16:11

I agree with everyone else. He's just cross because he's been busted

Catsick36 · 19/09/2019 16:11

Yea sorry mate, you ain't going if I haven't had a conversation with an adult that is going to be there.
Don't let him guilt you

mawof3soontobe · 19/09/2019 16:12

Haha, definitely caught out in plans to camp out or get pissed in a field or someone's older sibling has been left in charge of the house and is allowing them to party

Whatevskev · 19/09/2019 16:14

Adding to the universal not a chance!!

And if mine had been caught smoking they would be grounded anyway

Choufleur · 19/09/2019 16:15

YANBU. DS is 13 in year 9. I'd want some details for the parents, or as an alternative I might agree to drop him off and talk to the parents when I did that.

JetPlanesMeeting · 19/09/2019 16:16

Mine are 16 and 13, and I would also want a phone number and confirmation with an actual phone call not texting as that could be any phone!

No way would I let my child just wander off to a "sleepover" without knowing the full address, who else will be there and a phone call confirmation.

And my mates did the whole we are staying at X's house which was camping in a field too! My sister and I snuck out and scared the shit out of them by making noises outside the tent Grin Good times back in the 80s.

Chewbecca · 19/09/2019 16:25

YANBU
It's up to him if he goes or not, he's just to facilitate that call with the parents to confirm all in order.
I am suspicious...

pointythings · 19/09/2019 16:25

Nope, no chance. My lot are allowed short notice sleepovers, but that's because as parents we all know each other and are in touch with each other.

And coupled with the general deceptiveness, no way would I agree. He's got to earn the trust back.

higgyhog · 19/09/2019 16:27

When my sons were this age I often came down on a weekend morning to find half a dozen or so of their friends asleep in their sleeping bags, I considered it normal and would never have asked for their parents phone numbers. They weer always polite and friendly and didn't stay long into the morning. We live in a rural area but there is a bus service.

i fo;u;nd it hard to remember all their friends names, so wouldn't have questioned a sleepover with Harry/Josh/Will anyway.

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