Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset and not sure what to do next

63 replies

looondonn · 19/09/2019 14:12

Help please from all you lovely people who helped me escape abuse

So the ex who abused me and in the end took me to a Room to kill me has been asking fathers 4 justice organisation to contact me re facilitating contact

There is a police investigation at the moment so I tried to explain as nicely as I could to the support worker that there may be a court case etc

He emailed back saying ' well it seems as if he was released without charge, the police are still gathering evidence but that will go nowhere' !!!!

I'm fuming

How dare a man who does not know this say this to me

How dare me minimise all of this

What shall I do
Please help guys
Please 😢😢😢😢😢

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 19/09/2019 14:14

I have no experience but I would be speaking to the police and letting them know about this. I would also suggest contacting someone higher up at f4j and reporting this email. It seems totally unprofessional to me. I assume you have a solicitor so please let them know about this too.

Sorry you are going through this and well done for being brave enough to leave Flowers

MisunderstoodMaleficent · 19/09/2019 14:15

I agree with speaking to the police. I would just ignore all contact and keep screenshots and a diary of Everything.

Splenny · 19/09/2019 14:16

Are you sure the email is genuine? I know nothing about this organisation but would they really say that?

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2019 14:17

From everything I've heard about them, yes. They're idiots (being polite)

Original poster
looondonn · 19/09/2019 14:19

Oh my gosh !!!

Wow guys thank you
So I meet my solicitor next week

I totally respect organisations who support both parents

BUT
This man assaulted a 7 week old baby and then took me to a room to kill me
However
The guy who emailed said it will all he dropped very soon as they are allegations and I have no case !!!

It has sent me to darkest despairs of Depression
I feel like giving up

OP posts:
MMadness · 19/09/2019 14:26

He's possibly minimises his actions.

Do you have a restraining order?

In Aus there has to be mediation for access. If mediation fails or is deemed unsuitable (violence etc) then it's listed for Family court.

I'd not engage further. Block and take whatever measures you need to protect yourself and any children.

messolini9 · 19/09/2019 14:34

The guy who emailed said it will all he dropped very soon as they are allegations and I have no case !!!

"Dear Guy
As far as I am aware, you are a civilian & not qualified to comment or assess police matters. I am forwarding your email to the investigation team handling my case, & formally asking you not contact me again.

My Ex - about whom you preposterously state there is no case - assualted his 7 week old baby & took me to a room with the intent to kill me. I do not wish to ever see him again, & am not interested in any representations you make on his behalf.

Yours sincerely
Loondonn"

Send this, OP, & make sure you contact the police about this intrusive & insensitive contact. They may be very interested in why F4J guy is telling you there is no case. Any further contact from this guy would be intimidation - he is telling you a load of rubbish, no doubt based on your ex's skewed version of events.

Well done for getting rid of ex, good luck with the case, & stay close to your investigation team - keep them updated about EVERYTHING.

MisunderstoodMaleficent · 19/09/2019 14:35

That’s really good advice @messolini9

SplintersOnTheFence · 19/09/2019 14:36

Why are you engaging with these people?
Block.
Report.
Ad infinitum

Do not respond

SleepWarrior · 19/09/2019 14:40

Don't let it suck you into despair. It's just one email from one man who doesn't know what he's talking about. Is your ex charming and convincing? He may have spun a good son story to this man. It's unrelated to your police case though. The email replay above was good Flowers

RitaTheBeater · 19/09/2019 14:47

I had a similar thing when My next door neighbour was harassing me. A lot of things happened and when the policeman went to see him he rang me and it was like I'd set him up on a date with my next door neighbour. He called him charming and told me that his car (that the neighbour had chased me in) was 'impressive' and much more.

It was horrible. Ten years later I wrote to the policeman and tried to explain how damaging it had been.

Original poster
looondonn · 19/09/2019 15:01

That email is just perfect

Thanks so so much

How bloody unprofessional

My gosh
Yes I know he is trying to support ex blah blah but how dare he minimise what he did and say it was an allegation and it will all be cleared within a short space of time
What - are you a bloody police officer now??!!
🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Thank you guys

So I will bring all the emails to my solicitor next week and notify police

Many thanks yet again as I have few people I can actually speak to re all of this due to the utter shame and embarrassment

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 19/09/2019 15:09

Don't be ashamed or embarrassed! You've got out, Be proud!

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/09/2019 15:15

It sounds like he has found a new way to harass you and cause you pain. Definitely discuss with your solicitor.

BentlyandPalmers · 19/09/2019 15:15

You are amazing OP, you should be proud

TheMustressMhor · 19/09/2019 15:16

Listen Looondoon you got out and you made the right decision.

I am sure that your ex has totally minimised what he did when he spoke to F4J.

They will have no idea at all what is in evidence. They only have his side of the story to go on and it will not be in the least accurate.

Stay strong and do not be intimidated by this guy. Let the police and your solicitor know that he has been in contact, and what he said.

Send back the email outlined above by messolini9 and remain strong in your knowledge that you did the right thing and that justice will be served eventually.

Well done for getting out and keeping yourself and DC safe.

Flowers and Cake

Hidingtonothing · 19/09/2019 15:21

The shame is all his OP Flowers I would do exactly as messolini9 advises, especially reporting the emails to the police. It's worth remembering that F4J have no authority whatsoever, nor any real legal knowledge, they're a pressure group, that's all. You have zero obligation to have any contact with them and they only ever hear (and support) one side of the story, which means they often end up supporting abusers. Don't let them get in your head, forward anything further to police/your solicitor and don't take any of it on board. Keep going, you're being so brave Flowers

dollydaydream114 · 19/09/2019 15:24

You absolutely need to show the police the contact you've had from this man, and you should keep copies of it for yourself too. Don't delete the email in case it's needed later, but put it into a different folder if you need to so you don't have to look at it.

Fathers 4 Justice are not a remotely credible organisation. They have a history of disruptive stunts and are openly misogynistic. They are a bunch of chancers and run/owned by one bloke who set the entire thing up in a vendetta against his ex. I strongly doubt this so-called 'support worker' is anything other than some random bloke and is clearly not legally qualified in any way. (In fact, are you even sure it's not just your ex using a fake email address?)

Either way - you don't have to engage with anyone from Fathers 4 Justice. You don't have to answer their emails, you don't have to tell them anything. They are not entitled to a response from you. Regardless of what your ex has told them, this case is none of their business. They are not his solicitors. They have no official connection with his case. They are not entitled to 'facilitate' anything with you.

Original poster
looondonn · 19/09/2019 15:25

Thanks so much

I am out and it was mainly due to a lot of great help on here

Much appreciated

This is all too common and I'm sad to hear there are so many women in a similar position !!

OP posts:
FAQs · 19/09/2019 15:34

I would send an email along the lines of @messolini9 but not including the second paragraph, it’s nothing to do with them and they have no need for any details, short and sweet and leave it at that. And do pass to the investigation team.

Topseyt · 19/09/2019 15:35

Messolini's suggested response seems just the ticket to me. Go with that.

Yes to forwarding this email to the police, and any future ones you might receive too. Don't engage any further with them. Take the advice of the police and of your solicitor.

I presume the email wasn't actually written by your ex under this other name in order to try and intimidate you?

eddielizzard · 19/09/2019 15:43

I wouldn't send the second paragraph of what your ex did. I'd be very wary of giving out info like that. You have no idea who this guy is. I wouldn't respond.

keepingbees · 19/09/2019 15:47

Since when have F4J had me authority to contact women like this? Disgusting.
Definitely tell the police, if there's an ongoing investigation then this is potentially serious.
I've been where you are OP, it was the worst time of my life. Stay strong, get a good solicitor and don't accept mediation under the circumstances.

keepingbees · 19/09/2019 15:48

*the not me!

easyandy101 · 19/09/2019 15:49

Sounds like intimidation to me. How can a representative for the defendant be in touch with a plaintiff like that?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.