Sorry I should have said, I don't do all the cooking for DH. I cook 4 nights, he cooks 3, and we get our own lunches. He's not a total arse. But he is an arse about his diet. He did get his blood sugar down to normal then promptly went 'Oh I'm ok now I can eat what I want' and surprise surprise it went back up. We are both aware, as someone up thread pointed out, that NHS guidelines are a bit in need of updating as to best diets. I am also disabled and have health issues so to help myself I'm pretty clued up on nutrition. So naturally DH relies on me. Then moans. And if he wants to eat crap he justifies it with, 'the NHS don't know what they're on about' - true to an extent but no health expert is going to recommend steak and chips followed by a mars bar every night.
The trouble is he doesn't serve me the healthiest food either often when he cooks, but I supplement it with a side salad and fruit and ask him to give me small portions of chips etc. He also cooks a couple of things for our DD - he makes extra when he does cauliflower cheese or when he makes toad in the hole - these are on our DDs 'allowed but not too often ' list so natch she likes those (my recipes he nicked I might add as we have to make special batters and sauces gluten and grain free for DD) but the stuff she's supposed to eat a lot (less liked) I get to make.
I do think DH was telling the truth though because DD has come across as a bit rude and ungrateful on other odd occaisions . When I point it out she does apologise and says it's because she's tired (she does suffer from intense fatigue, as do I and it can make you cranky, but I am genuinely grateful when someone does stuff for me)
My fault for letting it slip, I know. Had another chat with DH and he admits he's out of order cos he hates the diet. I pointed out he would be worse off if he had to cook the healthy stuff AND eat it, and that anyway his taste buds need re-educating.
Going to wait until DD asks for something specifically or says thank you for a certain thing and asks for it again. I've been doing too much of the work following the guidelines for her, if she asks for it and gives me the recipe and doesn't like it - tough.
Thank you for all your insights. I do think I do too much for them (and maybe even take over a bit without realising it) because I'm genuinely scared for them but I suppose no matter what I do if they want to eat stuff that's bad for them they will. I mean I suppose if she put my food in the bit she ate something else...
Too tired to respond to you all individually but I have read all your comments and between them they have helped me see where I am probably going wrong. Thanks all.