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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that surely this is child abuse?

110 replies

FiveFarthings · 18/09/2019 11:23

An episode of Stacey Dooley Sleeps Over is airing tonight which features a family with three children aged 8, 4 and a baby and the parents let the kids do whatever they want and it’s so extreme I think it’s verging on abuse.

The kids are ‘home schooled’ but the 8 year old cannot write his own name. The parents say it isn’t a priority and that he will pick it up eventually. The kids all sleep in the same bed as their parents, they have no set time for bed and they can eat whatever they want whenever they want. To be fair the kids do seem to eat a lot of veg so I can’t knock that. The four year old is still in nappies.

They don’t enforce teeth brushing- tooth brushes are available to the kids but if they don’t want to brush their teeth, they won’t make them. They also don’t believe in main stream medicine (including antibiotics and vaccinations).

Surely this is child abuse?! Also aren’t there any checks made if children are home schooled to ensure they are actually been taught properly?

Here is a link to an article about it- www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7473545/Father-lives-social-housing-insisted-no-intention-finding-time-work.html

I can’t stand Stacey Dooley but I’m going to have to watch this tonight because I really can’t believe this!

OP posts:
Neveam · 18/09/2019 21:56

I think if you home school you still follow a curriculum and there's some sort of inspection every so often. Not completely sure what unschooling is but you can deregister your child from "the system" and they won't legally have to go to school, I think that's right. So if they're not having to go to school then no, their education is not being regulated. 🤔

Cryalot2 · 18/09/2019 21:57

I agree op, but is it neglect or abuse?

They will suffer dentally at least. Not vaccination is wròng and puts lives at risk.
The lack of education I find extremely worrying
They need to brush up on their contraception .

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 18/09/2019 22:13

Neglect is a type of abuse

MyDcAreMarvel · 18/09/2019 22:57

I think if you home school you still follow a curriculum and there's some sort of inspection every so often.
No there is no inspection, why would there be?

savingshoes · 18/09/2019 23:03

The family have been on This Morning (twice) and I think one of their children had a little accident live on air - can't remember if they did or not.
The family have been investigated on more than one occasion by social care yet continue to not have their children removed.
The family would likely survive a zombie apocalypse with their alternative life style, unlikely with a full set of teeth mind.
Saying that, don't most skulls from our ancestors 100s of years ago have a full set of nashers? None of them had toothbrushes like we do today - didn't even have Colgate?!
Maybe the family are just not interested in normal though perfectly happy for tax payers to contribute to financing their life choices.

Timandra · 18/09/2019 23:31

I'm OK with children not being able to read and write at 8 as long as they have the resources and opportunities to explore the world and drive their own learning.

I'm fine with children choosing their own bedtimes. We had to do that with our DDs who had ASD, along with long periods of co-sleeping.

I'm fine with children eating what they want, when they want it, as long as they are choosing from a healthy balanced selection of food. If you don't buy biscuits, sweets and potato smiles, they can't eat them, can they?

I'm fine with people not punishing children if they do that too. It hasn't featured in my parenting either.

A four year old isn't going to come to harm from being still in nappies.

I disagree with not vaccinating but I can only criticise withholding antibiotics if it puts the child is at significant risk of harm and I don't know that this has happened.

Not forcing tooth brushing is something it's hard to criticise unless you know a lot more detail about what else they do to support it and the reasons for making that decision.

All in all, the children may be being neglected but they may also be healthy and well cared for in every way apart from the vaccinations.

Thankfuckitsfriday1 · 19/09/2019 00:33

Madcatlady - erm... I've lived In Brighton my whole life and never met anyone REMOTELY similar. How odd an assumption.

Thankfuckitsfriday1 · 19/09/2019 00:35

It's not normal but it's not abuse or neglect.

They are loved, housed, fed and cared for. Not conventionally but they are.

Durgasarrow · 19/09/2019 04:29

I knew a family like this. It drove me out of my mind.

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2019 05:26

Lack of dental hygiene is neglect imo

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2019 05:27

And vaccinations.theyre going to need those antibiotics when their teeth rot.

HennyPennyHorror · 19/09/2019 06:01

My town in Australia is full of people like this. Their kids are all happy, confident if a bit hippyish. They all tend to grow up, move to Sydney and become hot shot lawyers and the like.

This town's been full of hippies since the 60s. Ancient, stoned people wandering around with yoga mats.

I like them generally. They all grow their own veg and offer you Kombucha on hot days.

Jesaminecollins · 19/09/2019 06:02

I have seen this family on This Morning and their children are out of control. I call them "hippy" families and feel sorry for the children because what kind of future will they have? I expect they will end up living off the grid or claiming benefits with no real purpose in life.

Jesaminecollins · 19/09/2019 06:04

I just googled the father - he looks happy enough but his teeth need some attention

To think that surely this is child abuse?
SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/09/2019 06:09

I’ll be avoiding this along with “Bodyfreaks: Britain’s Largest Buttocks”.

Jesaminecollins · 19/09/2019 06:12

@ShadenfreuderPersonified

Another one to watch is Men Who Wear Nappies I happened to come across this little gem pm sky while having yet another sleepless night Grin

Jesaminecollins · 19/09/2019 06:13

I don't where the pm came from oops!

Toastymash · 19/09/2019 06:15

I don't think any of that stuff is classed as abuse. It sounds like awful parenting but if SS have been in and assessed them then I guess they can carry on as they are. Poor kids.

99problemsandjust1appt · 19/09/2019 06:38

I hope they will visit other homeschooling families to balance it a bit. It gives home education a bad name when in reality the majority of home schooling families are committed to delivering a good education.
I know many, many such families. They have meet up and groups, they have weekly plans and although it’s not as rigid as school the children are taught lots and learn some amazing skills.

Not brushing teeth. Sorry but never any excuse for that. Maybe extreme sensory issues perhaps but 99.9% will get painful dental issues if they never brush which is really not fair at all

Not vaccinating. Fair enough it is a choice and they are choosing to exercise their right not to vaccinate.
Doesn’t sit well with me personally. We wouldn’t not vaccinate unless there was a good reason not to we had to get one dc mmr done in hospital as his allergy so severe and the consultant advised against another vaccination for them but apart from that they are all done, there’s really v little genuine reason to not vaccinate children. I think a nasty epidemic reminiscent of times long gone will be enough to have these groups queuing round the corner to gp surgeries and panicking for the very vaccinations they now shun

pictish · 19/09/2019 06:43

Having clicked on the Daily Mail link I am not surprised to see their angle is focused on the fact that the dad doesn’t work.
“Oooh look at the long-haired layabout, doesn’t want a job!”

Spreading the hate as ever.

Puzzledbyart · 19/09/2019 06:49

Children in my country don't start formal schooling until 7, and some of them won't be confidently writing their name at that age yet.
I don't see any neglect issues apart from anti-vax / anti-medicine views.

Rubyupbeat · 19/09/2019 06:52

I have seen this family on t.v. before.
Probably got evicted because the kids were allowed to draw on walls, furniture etc...and toilet where they wanted.
They also set up a just giving page so they could buy a remote property and live completely off grid!

LolaSmiles · 19/09/2019 07:29

99
If it's the family I'm thinking of, they don't claim to home educate, they claim to unschool and generally let the children do what they like with no rules or boundaries and the parents themselves seem to lack an ounce of intellect and common sense to even begin to offer an appropriate education.

GoneToTheDock · 19/09/2019 07:32

My DH just said (we were discussing) that he had reason they are not self sustaining, they have a garden but it is overgrown and not used for food or anything

They let them eat what the want (mushrooms, Brussels and crisps? Broccoli and monster munch) hardly balanced, protein dairy etc

Lazy fuckers, cant be bothered to work to pay for themselves , cant be bothered to parent either

Shutupseaguls · 19/09/2019 07:41

Wasn't there a programme about families who unschool on TV a couple of years ago. Some did it well and had things for the children to explore etc and it turned out that they had more structure than they let on. whereas there was one boy who was a teenager as I remember who couldn't read or write and was very isolated from children his own age. It was really sad but seemed like it was more a way of keeping him reliant on his parents.