To ask dating advice as out of touch

[Outoftouch11]

It’s so long since I dated. Basically going to have a second date at the weekend. I’m really attracted to him. His communication by text in between is scarce and sometimes quite short.
I reckon he’s probably still seeing other people, but it’s only our second date next week anyway.
The advice I want to ask is- what does asking in for a coffee mean these days?! He’s driving to my side of town at the weekend and we will go to dinner then I’ll ask him back for a coffee as he will be driving me back to my place.
I don’t feel comfortable though either sleeping with someone on the second date or even having them stay over as I feel I don’t know them yet.
So these days, does asking in for a coffee mean that you can be amorous, kissing etc, then he needs to leave ? So out of touch so tell me if this would be normal? Thanks x

no42- I think the same way as you. Can you confirm that you still think that with fact re him getting concert tickets (£22ish each) on first date. I did offer but he paid for these.
Still confused and not 100% sure but will go on 3rd date and, as I said, will split bill

As many, many other posters have said...you do really need to work through your own issues re dating. You sound really hard work, if I'm honest.

Regarding paying? The guy bought £22 concert tickets and you still expected him to buy your dinner? Honestly? So you're essentially expecting him to fork out around £70 (or more!) on a first date...that's crazy. He might have wanted to and offered (all well and good) but you expected it...(not well and good...in fact, rude!)

Do you have real life female friends? Good, emotionally stable friends, who would be able to give solid, stable advice? Because you probably need to hear it from people you feel safe with, and trust implicitly, rather than a bunch of randoms online.

It’s a tricky one OP. The thing is, I think things have changed a lot with internet dating because it’s much easier now for people to be dating more people more frequently and more casually so, in those circumstances, it wouldn’t be fair for men tonne paying all the time. I think this is why it’s become more common to split the bill.

Did he say anything about his dating history recently?

If I think of most men I know now, also in their late 40s, I think they wouid have paid for dinner as well as the concert tickets (seeing as you got drinks etc that night).

If I’m absolutely honest, I think if I was on a first date and he wanted to split the bill, that would put me off completely. Call me old-fashioned, but there it is.

But, in this case, maybe give him a chance because he did pay for the theatre at least? But do bear in mind if this becomes a pattern - if he won’t even treat you in these early days, what the hell will he be like in five, ten years?

“if he won’t even treat you in these early days, what the hell will he be like in five, ten years?”

Disagree

If he treats her as an equal now hopefully this may indicate that he will continue to treat her as an equal in the future.

stealth agree fully. And/or a pattern of treating back and forth but on a second date you don’t know whether you or he will want a ‘forth’ so I definitely wouldn’t want to be paid for. Why???

(Shouldn’t it be ‘Forth and back’ anyway ?)

Op, well done and glad you enjoyed the date!

Paying is a tricky one. Of course, guys who want you to pay is not a great sign, but A lot of guys I think are scared to offer , or certainly to insist on paying these days, as it may be seen as patronizing or expecting something....

There is of course the actual reality of having enough money, and/or who earns more.

And I think for many women, it is a tough one emotionally - partly enjoying the traditional 'wooing' of being paid for, but also not wanting to be seen as high maintenance/ dependent or that they owe anything in return..... personally, I had to teach myself to let the man pay without feeling that created an obligation....because there is a little bit of the hard ass in me, that wants to show my independence while I also struggled to assert my boundaries deep down, and letting them pay did make me feel more obliged to give them another date/ something physical. That was obviously wrong and I managed to get rid of that after a while.....

So it is an area I tend to suspend judgement on ,- it's tricky for everybody and people can easily end up doing something that doesn't suit the other, without it meaning you are not a good match......