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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fuck. What do I do now?!

91 replies

CinnamonVanilla · 17/09/2019 14:36

We put our flat on the market yesterday; I've done two viewings today, waiting for another one imminently. Got a few more this week, too. We've found the house we want to buy and got a MIP, we're all ready for this house to sell...

And my other half has just messaged me that he thinks he needs to resign. His role has been changed from client-facing to technical (a few months ago) and he hasn't grasped the new role, it isn't his forte. He had wanted to look for something else anyway, the big commute has been setting off his disability, but agreed to wait until after the mortgage and stuff was sorted. He's had a very serious email from his new manager... he got a new probation period when his job changed, so he could be let go with a weeks notice.

I can't get the mortgage by myself, I'm self-employed and don't have enough accounts yet.

Do we have to pull out and incur the costs? Do I try and convince him to stay? To take some holiday and hope that he gets it a bit more when he goes back?

We really need to move. He keeps apologising and I have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
Greywalls12 · 17/09/2019 14:38

If you got the house and he lost his job, would you be able to afford the repayments?

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 17/09/2019 14:41

Surely, you have only promised to pay the Estate Agents, when you sell. There is likely to be a cooling off period, especially if you have only just instructed them. Likewise with the mortgage, it's only a promise based on the info you supplied.

ElizaPancakes · 17/09/2019 14:43

What costs would you incur if you pull out now, given you only put the property on the market yesterday?

I guess it all depends on whether you think you can afford it and whether or not you can complete within more or less 6 months (after this time the bank might ask for more payslip evidence which could be a problem).

If you’re going to pull out it’s best to do it right at the beginning of the process.

MaintainTheMolehill · 17/09/2019 14:46

I'm not sure about the legalities sorry but please don't make him feel like he has to stay. It's obviously unbearable if he is saying this knowing how much you both have to lose.

Sh05 · 17/09/2019 14:49

Check your contract with the estate agents. If it's been less than 14 days you can probably cancel without incurring a huge loss. You might lose a deposit for the admin and photos but not the full fee.

WarshipWarrior · 17/09/2019 14:49

Could you get by if he lost his job with the new mortgage regardless of what your self employed income is on paper?

Original poster
CinnamonVanilla · 17/09/2019 14:49

Yes we can afford the payments - I earn enough to cover us, I just can't get the mortgage yet, because two years accounts is non-negotiable.

Looking at the contract, we'd have to pay the EA £3k for taking the flat off the market, there's no cooling off period unless the agent was here in our house when we signed (he wasn't).

We've also paid for a new EPC (£100) and painted (£300 ish). They'd be sunk costs too, although I guess at least the paintwork is nice.

I can't believe this has happened.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/09/2019 14:49

It's obviously not the right time to buy and sell. Take your flat off the market, cancel the purchase and help your husband get sorted with his job before you make any lifechanging decisions.

YobaOljazUwaque · 17/09/2019 14:49

Nothing has been signed. You haven't even accepted an offer. You can easily cancel the whole shebang. Do not proceed with a sale or purchase until your long term financial stability is a bit more certain. Good luck!

Derbee · 17/09/2019 14:51

If he left his job, could you afford the new mortgage payments? If so, wait until you’ve moved for him to resign.

I don’t understand what costs you could have, with your property going on the market yesterday.

Derbee · 17/09/2019 14:53

Ah, just seen your update. If you need to move, tell your OH to deal with it until the sale has gone through.

Beautiful3 · 17/09/2019 14:54

I would pull out. When he gets a new job then looking at moving.

Baguetteaboutit · 17/09/2019 14:54

What? You have to pay the estate agents £3k to take it off the market? Shock

Ok. Phone them now. Tell them you've had a rethink and you'd like to market it at ...Add a ludicrous amount of money. Then when it's covered in dust they'll drop you. Cheeky fuckers.

Original poster
CinnamonVanilla · 17/09/2019 14:55

I'll query our contract with the estate agent; if everyone thinks it should be cancellable. It only mentions cancellation within 14 days if an agent was with you in your property when you signed.

I am being very supportive of him in real life, and I've been encouraging him to look around for something else. He's lovely and doesn't deserve this... I've told him that it's fine and we'll find a way through. I'm just stressing on here.

OP posts:
Derbee · 17/09/2019 14:57

Also, if it’s true that you have to pay £3k to remove your flat from the market (I suspect you’ve been misinformed) all you need to do is refuse any offer you get. Nobody can force you to sell your property

SmellMySmellbow · 17/09/2019 14:57

Pull out. You can't force him to stay in a stressful job. Demonstrate that his mh is more important than £3k and don't put any pressure on him/make him feel worse. I know it sucks, but in the long term it's the right thing to do. It'll work out in the end, I'm sure.

NearlyGranny · 17/09/2019 14:59

First, don't panic. This can be sorted and there will be a way through.

Second, reply supportively telling OH to stop apologising and you'll be there when he gets home to listen to him.
Next, take the viewings. It won't hurt to test the market and you're under no obligation to sell.

OH has had a nasty shock and his impulse to resign is a knee-jerk first response, not an accomplished fact. You know best how he will be feeling and what will give him a boost.

Lots of listening when he gets in, then get him talking about what bits are going well in the new role, and then encourage him to voice his thoughts on what he thinks would help him do better in the wobbly bits. He needs to prepare to meet his concerned manager with some ideas, so he can rehearse with you first.

He would be wise to do as well as he can to meet the demands of the new role while shopping around for a different job if that's what he wants. Jumping ship before the next job is secured is never a good idea.

Emails can be bald and scary but talking to the manager may make it seem less of a disaster.

Is he inclined to catastrophise? Is there any chance he could, consciously or unconsciously, even be sabotaging the house move?!

If he does get finished by work, you can always stay put and postpone the move until he's employed stably again. If you'd already sold it would be much scarier!

I hope this sorts itself quickly so you can go ahead with your plans.

SmellMySmellbow · 17/09/2019 14:59

Check if you can 'freeze' things with EA. Take the flat off the market, they keep your £3k, but if you're in the position to re-list within x months you won't incur the fees again? Explain the situation honestly and grovel for leeway.

AtillatheHun · 17/09/2019 15:00

how long has he worked for the same employer? does he have a period of continuous employment of more than two years? if so the role change is nonsense and they can't give him marching orders on a weeks' notice

GU24Mum · 17/09/2019 15:03

It's much better to stall things now rather than find yourself in a worse situation (though hopefully not) once you are committed.

Seriously what agent has a clause saying that you need to pay £3k if you take the house off the market? I agree with a PP - just refuse offers or make sure you start cooking really awful food so that you put buyers off and don't get any in the first place.

squee123 · 17/09/2019 15:04

can he stsrt applying for jobs now? He could have started a new job by the time you get an asking price offer. The market for selling is pretty slow at the moment. Presumably your agent can't charge you for refusing to take an offer so just don't accept any offers. Presumably there is an expiry period in your contract? Hold out until it expires if necessary

terraform · 17/09/2019 15:04

If he's been there more than 2 years phone CAB or ACAS helpline about the probation period - my work tried to do this to a colleague when she changed role even though she's been there years.

verticality · 17/09/2019 15:06

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry this has happened.

I think the PP's idea of freezing the situation is a good one. Hopefully your DP can find something new relatively quickly, and you'll be back up and running within a few weeks.

Flowers and Wine - what a day you must be having!

EerieSilence · 17/09/2019 15:09

Pull out, buying a house is bloody stressful as it is, you don't need another stress on top of it.
Hope he finds a good job soon.

PooWillyBumBum · 17/09/2019 15:10

Can you not just reject absolutely every offer you get on the house "not found another property yet", "their chain is too long", "offer too low"...etc?! Or put it up by £50k. If anyone is then stupid enough to buy it use the money to rent for a while to give DH a chance to sort out job stuff.