Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My gut feelings are telling me something is up

71 replies

Perfectlypoised · 17/09/2019 10:44

My partner of 18 months has a friend that he works with that I felt he was too close to. Each time I opened my social media he had either loved or commented on her posts . His comments while seemingly innocent were sometimes a little tongue in cheek. I knew by the way he spoke about her that he thought a little too fondly of her . I never met her. There was no opportunity to do so as we are cities away from each other. He was forever on his phone and I knew it was to her or their work group. I got pissed off with this and got shitty aboutit. I told him I was unhappy especially when he didn’t even acknowledge me on social media and hadni relationship status . His only posts which are rare are about his friends . It improved . He hardly interacts anymore .. it was usually him that startedthe interactions ,and when he does it’s just a simple love or like with no comment .he isn’t in his phone as much when with me but when apart he is constantly on Sm and WhatsApp .he does not mention her any more which is bothers me as I feel like he has gone underground with his friendship. There were feelings there on his part but he says they are gone since he met me . Is there something up?

OP posts:
WarshipWarrior · 17/09/2019 10:48

I'd sack him right off. You're not happy, he clearly isnt either. Life is too short.

HollowTalk · 17/09/2019 10:54

A man who doesn't acknowledge you isn't in love with you, OP. He's wanting to keep his options open. Bin him.

Perfectlypoised · 17/09/2019 10:56

Sorry I should have been more clear . He does acknowledge me but not on social media. We don’t live together

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 17/09/2019 10:57

If it looks like shit and smells like shit...
Your gut feeling is there for a reason.

dollydaydream114 · 17/09/2019 11:10

He does acknowledge me but not on social media

So basically he's compartmentalising. Not a great sign, I have to say.

Perfectlypoised · 17/09/2019 11:20

What does that mean?

OP posts:
Goodlookingcreature · 17/09/2019 11:22

I wouldn’t like my partner dictating to me who I can be friends with or what I could write on social media. You can’t police another person. If he isn’t making you happy then leave

MashedSpud · 17/09/2019 11:25

He’s not mentioning you on sm because he wants people to assume he’s single.

He probably puts his phone on airplane mode when he’s with you.

Chances are he’s up to something.

NorthEndGal · 17/09/2019 11:30

This isn't your happily ever after
Set yourself free, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel confident and sure, not fighting off but feelings

Ringdonna · 17/09/2019 11:32

You sound a bit jealous.

smokeytoby · 17/09/2019 11:33

I'm with you on this OP, he's more than likely hiding it better now.

You're not happy, you won't be if you stay with him and I don't see that a relationship built on trust issues and secrecy can ever work.

Like PP said, set yourself free, not every man is like this! I promise :)

Boysey45 · 17/09/2019 11:35

He doesn't sound like a partner, he sounds like someone you are seeing casually who is keeping his options open.It sounds like you are on different pages in life and hes not that into you.

Perfectlypoised · 17/09/2019 11:48

I think he is in to me very much . That is why he stopped interacting but I still think there’s contact but I think it might be hidden so as not to upset me and that doesn’t upset me very much .

OP posts:
Goodlookingcreature · 17/09/2019 11:49

Well then stop dictating who he can and can’t talk to

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/09/2019 11:55

He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't, isn't he?

If it's giving you this much grief, OP, then move on. Life shouldn't be this hard.

Perfectlypoised · 17/09/2019 11:55

Sorry I mean it does upset me
Very much

OP posts:
SeaViewBliss · 17/09/2019 11:58

It honestly could be either.

A - he took on board what you said and has reduced contact or B - he is hiding it from you.

Either way, you don't trust him so there doesn't seem much point in continuing as you are. You either need to talk to him honestly about your concerns or you need to end things if it is making you unhappy.

IncrediblySadToo · 17/09/2019 11:58

Not sure what you want anyone to say if all you’re going to do is defend him.

18 months is nothing, he is hiding his contact with her now, if he was that into you he wouldn’t have been in his phone all the time until you told him not to be bin.

The sensible thing would be to ditch him before you get in any deeper

Mollie3 · 17/09/2019 12:00

Some men like having female friends and flirting with them. If he was with her, guess what? Another female friend would most likely materialise. Some men are not this way inclined but it sounds like yours is. If his female friend/s are an issue for you perhaps you should reconsider your relationship.
Unfortunately I don’t think you can stop this, apart from policing all his devices and social media. That’s a recipe for romance!
Why don’t you get a male friend 🤔

Mollie3 · 17/09/2019 12:03

Have you met this woman in person? Sorry you are upset did but mean to be harsh just then! My partner similar female friend and he’s a flirt but I’ve met her few times with her OH x

Mollie3 · 17/09/2019 12:04

Did not mean to be! 🤦‍♀️

Millie2016 · 17/09/2019 12:19

OP, just wanted to say, I’m not even friends with my DH on social media. I guess my relationship status is single as I’ve never updated it and I don’t share any photos of us together at all. We’ve been together 10yrs. The reason being my relationship is no one else’s business. I don’t feel the need to splash photo after photo on Facebook or announce my relationship/engagement/marriage.
Thinking about it, his must say single too! Some people may find it odd, but to me it’s my social media account and I share what I want to. If DH ever got funny about it with me, it would ring alarm bells.
Your post does feel a bit controlling to me.
You’ve asked him to cool contact with this colleague and he has. What more do you want from him?

BumbleBeee69 · 17/09/2019 12:19

You sound a bit jealous.

well obviously Hmm if your boyfriend was directing his affections in the direction of another woman than of course it ignites jealousy, it's a normal emotion.

OP dump his ass, he's really not focused on you anymore. Flowers

Perfectlypoised · 17/09/2019 12:19

Haven’t met her. He has loads of female friends but he doesn’t talk or behave like this with any of the others.
Just needed to find out if I was being unreasonable or paranoid

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/09/2019 12:26

All you can do is talk to him about it again and ask him to be honest about what he wants. Why doesnt he acknowledge you on social media. What would he do if you acknowledged him. Ask him all of this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread