How hard is IVF?

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I don't know anyone personally who has gone through IVF but my impression is that it is mentally and physically incredibly hard, and a long process. What have your experiences been like?

I recently found out it would be too dangerous to try for a natural conception but have been offered IVF straight away.

But if I'm honest with myself, don't think I'm emotionally robust enough to cope with the mental and physical trauma IVF seems to be, with no guarantee of success. And even with success, you then have the mental and physical stress of pregnancy. It seems like an endless stretch of stress and battle no matter what.

I've always liked the idea of adoption; should I turn down IVF, accept I can't have biological DC and consider fostering/adoption for the family I so dearly want?

It’s an open-ended question, OP.

I went through it for almost 20 years, didn’t get ANY NHS funding at all due to goalposts continually moving. Spent nigh-on £50k on achieving my dream.

The hardest part for me personally was tryitto get others outside of the situation that were fortunate to not have to go through it it to understand how shit it is. At every level there are a thousand things that can go wrong, that you have to be prepared for. No-one outside that hasn’t been through it will understand it no matter how much they say they do.

IVF/ICSI could work on the first round for you.

My DD is donor & not many people know publicly. Even the GP who rang today asked about her history, hadn’t even read her notes. People generally just don’t think outside the box.

When people ask me ‘Wow, you must have been surprised to have finally got her?’ my response is ‘Actually no, not at all, it was simply relief, I wasn’t going to stop until I was successful’.

Everyone relates differently to the drugs. My cousin felt at her best when she was on them whereas I blacked out and eventually did drug-free cycles. Some get funded, some don’t. Some get donor, some don’t. Some are treated in the UK, some go overseas.

Pop over to the Fertility section- you’ll get loads of answers there xx

I had IVF and it was very straightforward with no real side effects from the medicines. BUT not all women react well to IVF. Some of my friends who went through it had terrible mood swings.

my IVF worked first time at 42 year old by the way.

trying to conceive no matter how is mentally draining as every month you hope and can be disappointed.

Should add...I was a qualified NNEB Nursery nurse at the time of applying to adopt privately and through the council and got rejected by both. Their reasoning was that I was too dedicated to my work....even though I was expected to quit. Go figure.

I am hoping things have changed now.

I was just explaining that this was my reason for continuing the fertility treatment.

I had it it was tough financially and emotionally but not as bad as I feared- but it worked for me. I think it’s much much tougher for people who go through multiple failures.

You have to be probably more emotionally and mentally robust to adopt, so I think it would be a great idea to go to some open evenings and meetings and talk to people who've experienced both or either.

Only you can make this choice ultimately and I'm glad you're considering the wider implications

I had it in 1995 so I expect things have moved on since then. However, we had just one cycle and I was lucky enough to conceive first time. After that it was just a normal pregnancy.

I had to have daily injections - don't know if it is the same these days. DH was shown how to do them so that I didn't need to go to the hospital or GP every single day. He was nervous about it but did well bless him!

I did IVF and it was very tough emotionally - physically childbirth is a lot harder. I did a 2 week cycle and it worked first-time, lots of complications in pregnancy, bled 10 times, small for dates, tested for ovarian cancer (negative), expected to miscarry due to large blood clot but survived, 3 day induced labour, kept in hospital 7 days. Then lots of people who had no issues telling me I was lucky.

Then got pregnant again with no IVF and no issues, water birth. Really surprising as male factor but very happy.

Adoption can be very difficult - I knew someone who did it took a year for. The people I know with adopted kids they are lovely children.

Thanks for the replies.

I feel incredibly lucky to even be offered IVF on the NHS, without pushing for/asking for it, and my fertility specialist is highly sought after, so saying no is even harder.

To be honest, it's the potential of the mood swings and emotional rollercoaster that I'm concerned about with IVF.

And of course I didn't mean to imply adoption would be an 'easier' option by ANY means, only that I wouldn't have to consider the physical stresses in terms of hormones etc. If we did go down that route then I'd research heavily first.

Lots to think about.

I went through IVF ICSI for our first. It was tough, but not as hard as I'd thought. The drugs sent my emotions haywire, but on the whole the process was fine. I think that was because I was relieved to finally be in for a chance at actually getting pregnant. The hope got me through and thankfully it worked first time, despite the odds being stacked against us. I'd say you need to be strong as a couple, rather than individually mentally strong. Mentally at that time I was not in a good place, years of trying for a baby and the crushing infertility diagnosis put me into a bad place, but DH was strong and positive which really, really helped, as it's a hard process to go through as a couple, it tests every fibre of your relationship.

I went through one round of IVF. It's emotionally (and financially) difficult because you've already gone through (and failed) to conceive naturally before even getting to the IVF stage. You have to be able to give yourself injections for days on end to boost egg production. The needle was extremely fine so I didn't find that too hard. Egg retrieval was a bit uncomfortable, but ok. I personally didn't respond well to the drugs so didn't produce a huge amount of eggs, of which only a few were suitable to be used. Then after you've had the embro(s) replaced (no worse than a smear) you have the two week worry, but then every woman has the two week wait so I guess that's no different. My attempt was unsuccessful so we had the crashing disappointment of knowing it hadn't worked, plus the worry of finding money for a further attempt (NHS only funded one attempt in my area at the time). I was very fortunate to conceive naturally after this, despite being told it was highly unlikely to ever happen, but I would have found the money somehow and tried again regardless.

trying to conceive no matter how is mentally draining as every month you hope and can be disappointed

Exactly; we've been trying for five years so this has a factor too (only just found out it would have been dangerous if I had succeeded but DH has male factor)

I'm mentally exhausted from the rollercoaster, physically exhausted from two operations which had complications that I needed to help rectify fertility issues, so now to consider IVF just seems like such a big mountain to climb.

I did 9 rounds of ivf to have my family, I'd say it isn't the ivf that's difficult, it's coping with it if it doesn't work. My cousin has one round and had boy girl twins, their experience was very different to mine. If you are lucky enough for it to be successful after round one or two great but if you miscarry after ivf or keep getting failed attempts that's the hard part

I think I had it fairly easy. I had one failed cycle, one which didn't defrost then a successful cycle with twins. This was after losses including ectopics so emotionally I had years of being rock bottom so I felt didn't make that worse. DH was also less emotional about it than me and that was helpful too - the infertility was my 'fault' so the fact he was keeping me real with it helped me manage.

Physically it was fine - no worse than pmt moods wise. Pregnancy was a doddle too although I did suffer badly with anxiety. But that was down to the losses and the situation not the ivf per se.

My advice is always to have clear limits about your stop point. That may be one cycle or it may be nothing but a baby. But have an end in mind.

My husband and I are finally pregnant with our IVF baby from our first frozen transfer after ICSI.
In all honesty, I found the process barbaric in terms of what it does to your body but totally worth it in the end. Your experience will be personal to you and your problems, life style and body type. There are so many different options and protocols that it is hard to specify what it will be like but I had severe reactions to the drugs and ended up in hospital and in a bad condition- no fault of my clinic (we were private as my husband was born in America so we don't qualify on the NHS) and we had to try to start again 4 times. Our process involved me injecting myself 3 times a day for about three weeks, taking suppositories 4 times a day for 3 months, and took a year in total as I was becoming too ill and my clinic put the potential mother's health first and stopp3d to adjust drugs.
Absolutely worth it now I'm 22 weeks with our baby boy but it was painful, working at the same time as a full time teacher was damn hard and every set back heart breaking.

I'd say if it's what you want, absolutely go for it but be prepared. Some people don't ever get their happy ending- we were so lucky. It might not go smoothly- who knows how your body will react to the drugs. It can take years and you may need to restart again and again. I haven't felt well since the day I started the first meds last June.

Despite how ill it made me and how heart breaking the set backs were along the way, I am so greatful it worked for us and we have 18 more embryos frozen. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat and probs my will in a few years for a second! I am all for it but it's no walk in the park.

I was fine but my husband struggled massively with it and became depressed even though it was successful. Ultimately he left me and we separated when our daughter was 2 years old. It cost me my marriage ironically.

Thanks all.

DH is more emotionally affected than me, which I find hard. He gets quite stressed and so I try to be the strong one, the positive one; when I crumble he crumbles more.

That's a big factor too. Not just considering IVF but the bigger picture of parenting, too. He's always been on the fence regarding having DC, so he's a clear 'no' for IVF but says if I felt strongly then he would absolutely agree.

I reached your point through a different route. It’s hard trying to muster the emotional resilience to try to do something that may not work. As I went along my journey part of the process was trying to balance the idea that things might not work with the optimism needed to dust myself down and try again. I think it was my DH who was the push for the last try. It was a case of we don’t want to regret not trying.... but it was hard emotionally. Physically IVF was fine. Pick your clinic wisely. They are all very different it’s worth travelling to a good clinic. I wasted time on my first clinic and 3 rounds of ivf and it really got me down .....second clinic was like going to first class and not much difference in money Good luck x

I have had 3 rounds of ivf. First cycle I had a baby boy, he was a twin but lost at 16 weeks, it wasn't an easy cycle because I had bad reactions to the meds and had to cancel half way through and pick it back up when well enough. The second cycle i had an ectopic pregnancy and currently on my third cycle and on the dreaded two week wait and test on fri. Im certain this cycle hasn't worked and have made plans to try again very soon.
Be prepared for fertility treatment to take time. The emotional impact can last for a very long time. It has impacted on my marriage and spent thousands on cycles that are unsuccessful. You need to prepare for the losses as well as still having hope it will bring you the happy ever after.

My DH struggled to accept it (azoospermia and seeing me struggle through ‘his fault’ as he saw it’) FertilityFriends online chatting was good for him.

A lot depends on your situation. I already had a child so didn't feel under such pressure. I didn't really find it hard physically. Pregnancy was much harder.

I found it very hard emotionally. I was 27 when I started treatment, and perhaps quite naive about the whole thing. I went through 3 stimulated cycles, and 14(!!) embryo transfers before I became pregnant.
The emotional difficulty took its toll on my marriage, and although we got through it, it was a very very hard time.

Thanks again to all.

The reality of going through IVF when I've been through so much physically/emotionally already and then going through (even much wanted) pregnancy feels like too much. Like I'd be so utterly depleted by the time the baby even arrived, if we were lucky enough for it to work. It all feels uphill.

We have considerable savings that we put aside in our minds for DC (education etc) but now my DH is starting to talk about what we could do for ourselves if we chose to be childfree. So I think I know where he stands.

This is so tough.

I had 6 rounds before success.

We were very, very lucky in that we could afford it (insofar as anyone has 6x5k laying around), but that was a pressure we didn’t have.

I didn’t get sick or find the drugs a problem.

I handled the entire thing like a project. I’m pretty sure the nurses weren’t always big fans of being project managed, but it meant I found it easier to detach from the regimes and the medical procedures.

The hardest and most frustrating part by far was handling the disappointment of it failing. Then again that’s not so different from any couple TTC (or any unsuccessful project ).