How hard is IVF?

[ClassicTracks]

I don't know anyone personally who has gone through IVF but my impression is that it is mentally and physically incredibly hard, and a long process. What have your experiences been like?

I recently found out it would be too dangerous to try for a natural conception but have been offered IVF straight away.

But if I'm honest with myself, don't think I'm emotionally robust enough to cope with the mental and physical trauma IVF seems to be, with no guarantee of success. And even with success, you then have the mental and physical stress of pregnancy. It seems like an endless stretch of stress and battle no matter what.

I've always liked the idea of adoption; should I turn down IVF, accept I can't have biological DC and consider fostering/adoption for the family I so dearly want?

OP my husband was on the fence too and only did it for me (he is a totally doting dad and always has been). We had some difficult discussions as he was always against adoption for us - rightly so in retrospect.

You can get specific counselling for you both and separately . Is that worth considering?

I do short protocol mild ivf so only do injections for 10 days and I find the whole process fairly easy

The week after egg collection until you know how many have made it to say 5 was horrendous

I've had 5 mc and 2 ruptured ectopics - no tubes left so IVF is our only option - that being said in the last couple of weeks I've started to plan a life without constantly thinking about fertility issues and it doesn't look as bad as I feared it would when we started ttc 5 years ago

I found it very tough mentally. It's all the unknowns of when or if it will work. It is all consuming during the treatment. Physically it was fine, apart from the trigger injection, that was probably amongst the most stressful few moments of my life - you've come so far by that point and the stress peaked in those few exact moments you have to inject as it's timed to the minute.

We had a little girl and instantly the stress of it all disappears and I'd do it all again without a moments thought.

For what it's worth we went abroad and had a fantastic experience at a fraction of the UK cost.

@ClassicTracks I think your question is a bit like how long it a piece of string. Everyone is affected differently. I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant from a frozen embryo transfer. The process yes was brutal and hard and exhausting but the thought of having a family was enough to get me through. It does put a strain on the relationship. My DH struggled seeing me going through a that you have to especially as the reason we couldn’t conceive naturally was Male factor infertility. I think he felt very guilty but I kept reminding him we are in it together. You have been offered a ‘golden ticket’ in terms of the nhs but this should not be the driving factor. I would say if you go ahead you both have to be 100% committed to it but hopefully totally worth it!

I did it 5 times (twice with own eggs and 3 times with donor eggs) I had a cancelled cycle, 2 negatives, a miscarriage then a live birth, physically it was ok I didn't have any bad side effects and the injections were fine even the intramuscular ones, emotionally the first cycle was a killer when it failed as I had put so much into it including 2 laparoscopies and waited so long that I was convinced it would work, after that I got a bit of a thicker skin. The hardest part for me was that nothings a given, you don't know how long it will take, how much you will spend, that it will even work at all! Plus there's so many hurdles and so many points things can go wrong, bad test results, delays due to failing to down reg, poor response, low egg numbers, crap fertilisation rates, all that was the hardest part for me, I would do it all again though without hesitation

The responses you get will depend on whether it worked or not. Anyone who was successful will say it was worth it. I found it incredibly tough, I didn't respond well to the drugs and everything that could go wrong did.

I had IVF with PGD as I carry the BRCA1 mutation so we never tried naturally. I found the process of the IVF such as the medications, scans etc much better than I thought. The emotional side I did find difficult such as the ‘what if it doesn’t work then we’ve wasted all this time’ etc but as PPs have said, this is no different to how people who TTC would feel anyway. After I had my embryo implanted I was SO anxious - I felt sick everyday with anxiety and I was crawling the walls during the 2WW. Very happily our first round was a success and we have a 19 month old DD who is perfect in every day and I am SO grateful to the NHS for her. It is such a hard decision to make and it is personal to you and DH. Best of luck for whatever you decide x

I did IVF 3 times ( 2 X NHS and 1x private). I now have my dd ( and a massive credit card bill) and although the IVF was emotionally exhausting (made worse by my sister's two accidental pregnancies during the same time) it was completely worth it and I am considering if I could afford to do it again.

With regards to your dh being 'on the fence' my dh often spoke about a life without children after we found we needed IVF. I really felt at times that he didn't want to go on with ttc and it caused a bit of friction between us.
However after we had DD he told me that he had said these things to take the pressure off of me. He hated seeing me so upset and stressed with all the tests and treatment. He thought by saying he 'wasn't worried about having a child or not' he was 'giving me space' to turn down the treatment if I wanted to and not feel guilty about it. I'm not saying your dh is that same but TTC is awful for them as well.

I didn’t find the process difficult from a physical point of view. The injections are virtually pain free once you’ve had a little practice doing them. The 2 week wait at the end of the cycle to find out whether it has worked is just the worst though. If you go for it, have lots of nice things planned for after your cycle. Keep busy and have something extra nice planned for if it doesn’t work first time. I also found it helpful to have my plan in place for the next step if treatment didn’t work.

It depends how it goes. IVF with own eggs is a much bigger deal physically than the doctors let on when you start the process. My IVF “egg collection” caused major bleeding and left me with abdominal pain that took a year to heal. (Also the egg stimulation drugs gave me an extra stone in weight). Now my doctor keeps pressing me to do it again, forget that! Research the success rates very carefully, for my age group the chance of success is about 5% with own eggs, yet 50% with donor eggs. The emotional side was also v hard, made much harder by friends/doctors talking as if embryo transfer = baby. I wouldn’t recommend IVF to anyone really, but obvs it works for many. If you do it, choose a top clinic like the Lister or Zita West or ARGC, needless to say I regret using the place nearest to me!

Mine was fine and was lucky it worked first time. Too scared to try again as I feel I'd be pushing my luck. Good luck whatever you choose

To be honest, it's not much fun, physically or mentally, but for me very, very much worth it (personally - and it is all so personal). I was/we were lucky - worked first time.

We then had years and years of failures trying to have a second one before getting far too old and giving up. Trying for a second was soul destroying, so as I said, we were lucky that it worked first time.

I saw someone else mentioned Fertility Friends. That was really helpful at times. I lurked for years before actually chatting to anyone.

My ivf round didn’t work but I breezed through it physically. Did all my own injections including the progesterone (ouch!) and was on max stims. Didn’t feel any different. So it can be absolutely fine! Even though it didn’t work, the process did something because I conceived ds the month after with an Amh if less than 1.

@TSSDNCOP I did the same. Treated it like my job. Sadly we had to have multiple cycles (>10) including frozen, as I had miscarriages. All privately funded. It took us 7 years to finally get DS.

I was fortunate in that I’m mentally quite tough (or had to be otherwise it would have broken me) so didn’t find the multiple injections an issue. We had ivig, LIT (the most painful thing I’ve ever had to endure) because of immune issues.

Dealing with the failed pregnancy test after treatment is the worst thing. As was the miscarriages. I just had to pick myself up and carry on.

For many people, it works first time. Think I was on the extreme other end!

I found the effects of the drugs really unpleasant, not just the stims, but the drugs you have to take in order to maintain the pregnancy. My first cycle failed which was devastating as the consultant had firmly expected it to succeed. Second time around with different drugs it was much better in terms of side effects but A lot fewer eggs were produced and of those not many even got to fertilise or to day 2. I ended up with one successful egg and a baby. I had a horrific pregnancy which made IVF a forgettable walk in the park and its only posts like this that remind me it ever happend.
At the time it was hard. Hormonal moods, stress of expectation always waiting for the next scan and praying something good is happening, people not knowing or if they did know expectantly waiting for updates. Failure is the worst but success makes it seem like it never happened!

Physically it was fine emotionally it was such a rollercoaster. I had dd but rather than feel "i have her" i felt more desperate to have another her.
As glamorusnan said its not the process its if it doesnt work.
I had a day 3 transfer with a very poor quality embryo...the chances were slim but i ended up with id twins.
I said i d give it 1 shot...but i wouldnt...in reality i would have kept going.
Stress doesnt effect the outcome (well doc told me that) and i found it a comfort not to be in the driver seat. The process for me was a lot easier because i felt less pressure and of course you know each step and day which was a lot better than bonking like crazy and waiting every month.
My family said i was cranky but when your so focused and emotionally invested its really hard to listen to someone moan. (It wasnt a problem just less inclined to hear what mary down the road was doing)
Its a means to an end and i d never hesitate to recommend it.
Emotionally, if your robust or not, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other..eyes in the prize and keep stepping.
I found having the babies tougher...i cried for a year with happiness..

He's always been on the fence regarding having DC, so he's a clear 'no' for IVF but says if I felt strongly then he would absolutely agree.

This sentence jumped out at me.

Honestly OP, having been through
multiple failed cycles before getting our DD, I wouldn’t recommend doing IVF worth someone who isn’t 100% invested. He may say he’ll be up for it if you insist but will he be able to cope with the ups and downs of it all, help you do injections, come to appointments etc - and be able to support you if it’s doesn’t work?

The last thing you need is to have to prop him up emotionally as well as dealing with the physical aspects of it yourself.

Best of luck whatever you decide x

He's always been on the fence regarding having DC, so he's a clear 'no' for IVF but says if I felt strongly then he would absolutely agree.

This sentence jumped out at me too. But if he has always been on the fence about having DC there is I can't see any way you'd get approved for adoption.

Honestly it depends on the people. DH and I did IVF (ICSI) to have our DTs.
We found it stress free, the clinic were lovely and we're very chilled people anyway.

SIL on the other hand was an emotional wreck and everything was an issue. TBH she is pretty highly strung at the best of times. They had a DD the first time. The second time it didn't work.

Also one of my best friends did IVF at the same time we did. They used donor eggs and her husbands sperm.
They were and are very relaxed people and they found it unstressful too.

Like I said it really depends on the people involved.

Hello lovelies

I had a fresh cycle early this year which was cancelled due to OHSS. Straight after OHSS settled, FET was started which ended in failed pregnancy result last week. I got my periods 2 days after bfn and was hoping to start FET again i.e. start buselrin injection on day 21 but nurse at my clinic have told me that next cycle cannot be started till i bleed again in October as its the lining which is wearing off and this month bleed doesn't count. I dont get this as i was moved to FET straight from my fresh cycle post one bleed..has anyone faced this or i reckon my clinic is acting weird. I find this really inconsistent and my clinic didnt bother explaining as its all just a job for them.. no emotions involved ☹️

Like a PP said it depends on what protocol you’re on - if on short protocol you’re likely only stimulating for 10-14 days so (I think) hormones and emotions from the drugs not too bad. I had horrid ohss but apart from that found it to be ok. But I collected (and was always going to collect) a lot of embryos and I think that makes it less stressful.

Without knowing your circumstances it’s hard to say - have they given you a % chance of success?

In some ways I think you’re almost asking the wrong question (assuming you are not 44 and with a minuscule chance of actually fertilising an embryo) - your first question should be, do I really want to have a baby? If you are ambivalent about it, don’t do ivf. If you really want one I personally think opening yourself up to ivf (with all its attendant ups and downs) is a risk worth taking. But perhaps focusing on the baby rather than the process of making it will help clarify things (tho ofc no guarantees that you’ll have a baby even if you do ivf).

@yug1502 the clinic are right unfortunately. I'm bleeding from a BFN from sat. This bleed wont count because it is cleaning out the failed embryos and the 3 months worth of fertility drugs. My oct bleed will be the start of period reset but we cant afford more treatment.

@Hennysmommy Thanks for your response.: at least it feels that it is a genuine response from clinic.
I am sorry to hear that you have challenges with next cycle.. did you go though FET like me ? Ivf is such a mentally and financially draining thing 😐😐

How are you recovering ?

We started ivf after 6 years trying and I could not be arsed! (For want of a better term!) I just didn’t feel physical, emotionally or mentally ready for it and had started to wonder if child free life was the way forward.

I found the process quite tough and had ohss- had to freeze all and then wait 6 months before transfer so it really dragged on! However, doing SOMETHING felt good. You can’t control the outcome but the nature of ivf (injections etc) does give you a sense of power.

Happily it worked, I’m now pregnant, but I know I would’ve eventually been ok if it hadn’t because I’d totally accepted child free may be the outcome.