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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How hard is IVF?

69 replies

ClassicTracks · 16/09/2019 16:27

I don't know anyone personally who has gone through IVF but my impression is that it is mentally and physically incredibly hard, and a long process. What have your experiences been like?

I recently found out it would be too dangerous to try for a natural conception but have been offered IVF straight away.

But if I'm honest with myself, don't think I'm emotionally robust enough to cope with the mental and physical trauma IVF seems to be, with no guarantee of success. And even with success, you then have the mental and physical stress of pregnancy. It seems like an endless stretch of stress and battle no matter what.

I've always liked the idea of adoption; should I turn down IVF, accept I can't have biological DC and consider fostering/adoption for the family I so dearly want?

OP posts:

AliceAbsolum · 23/09/2019 20:24

I'm about to do my 3rd cycle (2nd one abroad because we only got one funded cycle) and its honestly not as bad as I thought. Yes it's stressful, but it's not as bad as endlessly TTC. Adoption is not for us because of the difficulties children come with. If we can afford it we will keep going until we get our baby.
The drugs (and I have had nearly all of them in very high doses) were fine. You don't know until you try. If you're on a short protocol it's less than 2 weeks of injections, then collection, then a simple smear type procedure. It's the waiting that's a bitch tho...

Hennysmommy · 23/09/2019 20:31

@ yug1502 Yup FET. All my transfers were frozen due to complications I've experienced the dreaded sereve OHSS years ago, ectopic pregnancy and now 2nd miscarriage.
Ivf is cruel and unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed.
Physically I'm recovering well but mentally I'm really struggling.
It's odd because I've had ivf for such a long time (8 years, same clinic, same nurses) it's all I've ever known in terms of conception so for it to end I'm struggling with accepting that.

Settlersofcatan · 23/09/2019 20:37

It wasn't much fun but a lot less stressful than not having children.

Adoption wasn't the right route for us for a number of reasons

yug1502 · 23/09/2019 20:42

@Hennysmommy your journey sounds really long and a difficult one..i really wish some miracle for you that solves your challenges. I understand your pain 🙁 been through OHSS myself !

Wonder why you are saying that bfn as a 2nd miscarriage.. please dont be hard?with yourself unless i have misunderstood something.

Praiseyou · 23/09/2019 20:52

I loved the ivf process. After 6 years of trying, I found it so comforting to have people that told me exactly what to do every day.

I had become exhausted with obsessing over diet, supplements, exercise, the optimum sexual position, and all the rest. I thought about getting pregnant all day every day and blamed myself for not being able to.

Physically it was fine but after years of investigations, I was used to internal scans and injections.

Our first cycle was cancelled because I didn't respond. Tbh the disappointment was no worse than the disappointment I was used to of not getting pregnant.

Our second cycle was successful, with just one viable embryo. We have 1 dc now and we won't be doing ivf again because we're happy with one and we're wary of going down a rabbit hole of ivf failures and not knowing when to give up. This way, we ended on the high of having dc rather than the potential disappointment of not having a second baby.

We were very lucky to be successful with ivf. I'm sure I would feel a lot different if we had not been successful.

From what I know of the adoption process, it is very long and very tough. An ivf cycle lasts 4 weeks (8 if you do long protocol). To me, it would be worth trying it, maybe with a decision at the outset of how many cycles you would try before moving on.

Hennysmommy · 23/09/2019 20:54

@yug1502 it has been long and difficult was 26 when I started.
8 years ago I had 30 eggs collected (OHSS overload) over the years it has resulted in only one live birth ( i understand I'm lucky but more desperate for a 2nd DC than first).
I had a miscarriage when 8 weeks pregnant with DS (he was a twin).
The last cycle I've finished we had two embryos put back and now lost them both no more frosties left.

Mummyshark2018 · 23/09/2019 20:58

I agree with pp's about everyone's experience being different depending on outcome.

Personally I found the whole process very easy. But, I had a quick journey to getting ivf. Dh and I ttc for about 18 months before getting tested and me getting a diagnosis. Referred straight away for ivf (nhs funded), started down stimulation 6 wks later, drugs weren't too bad, and was pregnant first go. Had a healthy pg and healthy dc. I was 28 when I gave birth. This was the one and only time I've been pregnant, so I've never had the pain of losses.

7 years later considered going down that route again, but tests weren't good for me so we've decided not to.

Good luck in your journey whatever you decide x

Hennysmommy · 23/09/2019 21:00

@Praiseyou I'm stuck in the rabbit hole, been doing it for so long it's part of my life and everyday routine...I've found it strangely addictive and something I'm struggling to give up even though I know it's the end due to finances. I've known the nurses and building for 8 years and cant think I wont get my DC2 is so hard to accept.

Praiseyou · 23/09/2019 21:14

@Hennysmommy I can understand the addictive feeling. Our IVF clinic was such an anchor after years of drifting in the unknown. I found it hard to stop calling them with questions about my pregnancy even after they had referred me to maternity services.

Deciding when to stop trying is such a personal decision. I do get the odd pang when I hear a pregnancy announcement now and I worry

Praiseyou · 23/09/2019 21:17

*posted too soon

I worry that our dc will hate being an only but ultimately I am happy with our decision and I can't imagine how tough it would be if I did want another child.

The very best of luck to you.

MissMarks · 23/09/2019 21:21

Haven’t read all the posts- but as a long term foster carer I would strongly advise caution with going down this route. Personally I would at least try the IVF. As I am sure you are aware the children entering the care system in the UK are extremely vulnerable with many many needs and issues that in many cases will be with them their whole lives- IVF maybe be difficult at the time, but looking after a child who has been removed brings challenges forever.

Hennysmommy · 23/09/2019 21:24

I did the same PRAISEYOU they did my 20wk scan because they was just as excited as I was... I also embarrassing phoned them my when baby was born about all sorts from nappy rash to crying but the nice thing about was they would always chat to me about it and never once said "see your midwife". DC visits them on most recent appointments too and it lovely how much they know about him and want to see him.
I think the meds are addictive too..some of the side effects I quite like (increased sex drive for one hehe). I'm 34 now cant stop thinking there's something much more time I have left to spend on more ivf. Maybe I'm crazy.

MistyKoala · 23/09/2019 21:49

I know you’re not asking about this, but just in case it’s relevant for you when you’re weighing up your options - I wouldn’t advise going anywhere near adoption if you’re not feeling too emotionally/physically stable. Adopted children have such high and often unpredictable needs. It’s a great option for children, but at such enormous sacrifice to people’s mental health, relationships, lifestyles and identity.

Perhaps you and your partner could concentrate on yourselves for the time being and re-evaluate options again in a year or so?

IPokeBadgers · 23/09/2019 21:57

Thank you everyone for sharing on this post. As someone undergoing a first round of IVF, literally about to start self injections this weekend, I'm nervous and conflicted and upset that this is where I am. This thread has been a difficult but eye opening read.
Wishing OP and everyone on this thread strength and success and acceptance of whatever situations you are in.

justjuggling · 23/09/2019 22:10

I was very lucky and my first cycle was successful. The result will turn 11 next month! I found it more emotionally challenging than physically and I’m not sure how I’d have coped with multiple cycles. Having said that, I’ve recently considered doing it again via the donor route (ultimately decided it against it). I joined an on line support forum which I found invaluable and I made some lovely new friends who have remained in my life since then! Wishing you lots of luck.

Hennysmommy · 23/09/2019 22:20

Welcome to the world of IVF @IPokeBadgers. It can be emotionally and physically draining (was/is for me). But it can also be so rewarding. Just go in with an open mind that its unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed. You need to be strong and prepared to stop when you feel it is right.
I understand your upset that your in this position but talking to a close friend or relative really helps, there's no shame in having help to conceive .
Also someone else's stories or ivf background doesn't necessarily mean the same path for you we all have different experiences.
Goodluck with you first ever cycle . (Its exciting first time round).

elaine26 · 23/09/2019 22:38

My IVF worked first time and my twins are now 12 years old. I didn't have any problems.

IPokeBadgers · 24/09/2019 00:11

Hi @Hennysmommy, thank you for the words of encouragement, much appreciated.

Chellybelly1 · 10/10/2019 20:56

Hi I am starting the short protocol very shortly but im waiting for my 1st day of my cycle to contact them and to go in for a ultrasound scan on my 3rd day of my cycle does anybody have any insight of when you start your treatment as when I going for my ulterscan 3rd day I'm aware that we order the medication and go through time schedules and when my next appointments will be but it would be grateful if somebody could help me the know roughly when you start in injections?
Thanks

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