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Original poster

To give in toDD wearing make up to school?

64 replies

Dorsetcamping · 16/09/2019 15:20

DD (12) has just started secondary school. She has always been incredibly confident and looks older than her years.

I am facing a daily argument with her about wearing make up to school (mascara and tinted moisturiser). For the first few days I made her wipe it all off but the battle is exhausting me. She says all her friends wear a little bit of make up and that the school doesn't mind.

I'm not sure whether this is a battle worth fighting. To give her credit she puts it on well and isn't noticeable unless close up, but It does make her look older and I worry.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 16/09/2019 15:23

My deal was that if I could tell they were wearing a face full of slap, off it came. Make-up should be an accent, not a mask.

And that if they got nailed for it at school, they were on their own, and don't look to us for any sympathy.

Make sure they get their moisturiser well matched to their skin tone.

ChilledBee · 16/09/2019 15:24

I'd ask her why she wants to wear it to school. The answer is pretty obvious but saying it loud might make her reconsider her perspective enough for it not to be the issue it could be.

BeepBeeep · 16/09/2019 15:34

I remember wanting to wear makeup at school at that age.
My mum agreed that I could wear a little eyeliner and mascara.
My daughter at that age also wanted to wear makeup, so she did the same.
A little eyeliner and mascara is a fair compromise I think.

BeepBeeep · 16/09/2019 15:35

She is just trying to be grown up, as we all were at that age.

AsTheWorldTurns · 16/09/2019 15:36

I wouldn't love it.

If her friends are all wearing makeup, it does make it tricky. I'd limit it to bronzer and lipgloss.

MarshaBradyo · 16/09/2019 15:38

Hard one. We had a strict no make up policy at school so I’ve grown used to the idea of no make up at school

LettuceP · 16/09/2019 15:40

I think mascara and tinted moisturiser is fine tbh, especially if she does it well and it isn't that noticeable. As long as she's not going OTT then i can't see the harm. She just wants to fit in.

Shoutymomma · 16/09/2019 15:40

A little bit isn’t worth going to war over. If she’s going for full face Aunt Sally, be sure to let her get the whole lot on before making her take it off. You shouldn’t have to do that too many times. I’ certain my dd2 rolls her skirt up as soon as I’m out the drive, but she has at least learned not to do it in front of me.

verticality · 16/09/2019 15:46

Honestly, I'd let her do it but make sure it's subtle. Tinted moisturiser and a bit of subtle mascara is a bit of a rite of passage!

My mother took a very strict stance on such things and to be honest it drove us apart. Rather than her being part of my teenage years, she became a dragon and an enemy to be circumvented. And a teenage girl has so much time and energy to circumvent even a watchful parent. The moment I turned out of our road at school, my 'look' totally changed.

Accepting that your girl is growing up must be hard - but you can strive in vain to try to stop the inevitable, or you can help her to deal with the trials ahead so that she has resilience, self-respect, and resourcefulness. Giving a little to preserve her trust is really important: it may be the difference between her feeling she can tell you about something that feels 'wrong' from a predatory adult, and not feeling that she can raise it for fear of freedoms being curtailed. In my case, unfortunately, that decision went the wrong way and I found myself in a situation of near daily sexual assault as a young teen at school.

passionfruit11 · 16/09/2019 15:47

My mum wouldn't allow me to wear make up to school when all my friends were allowed. I used to just ask my friends to bring some and then apply it in the toilets at school in the morning and I looked ridiculous. If my mum had been a bit more compromising she could have at least helped me apply! I would allow my daughter to wear some at 12 but teach her how to use it properly so she can avoid the orange face look

fridgegrazer · 16/09/2019 15:47

I used to hate this argument in the classroom. Personally I couldn't care one way or the other if they wore makeup - but we were told to enforce the school rule which meant no makeup at all! Then I had to argue with teenagers who told me that:

(a) their parents thought it was OK and therefore what was it to do with me - they could learn with makeup on couldn't they?
(b) they hadn't got any makeup remover with them (handy that)
(c) they were allergic to the makeup remover provided Hmm - what ALL of them?

If this continued at some point I would have to phone parents - who were trying to get on with their working day (know how you feel mate - so am I) and were annoyed I was disturbing them.

TBH if it wasn't painfully obvious they were wearing it I ended up pretending I hadn't noticed, but sometimes it was picked up by someone higher up than me and then I would get a snotty email basically telling me to do my job - which is apparently that of chief makeup nagger and not teaching my subject at all.

If you do decide you can't be bothered with this argument with her, she should understand that if she chooses to wear it and gets asked to take it off at school, she should damn well do it without arguing and wasting everyone's time - including the time of those kids NOT wearing makeup or nail polish to begin with. Also remember that if you don't have the argument with her, chances are that someone else will have to, and we all have better things to do.

And breathe ... (sorry, rant over).

CIT80 · 16/09/2019 15:49

My daughter is 13 but has been wearing tinted moisturiser and mascara to school for over a year - I don’t mind but wouldn’t let her go to school with her ‘party face full of highlighter ‘ stuff on.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 16/09/2019 15:49

Will school not just make her wash it off? My dds school have a no make up til year 10 rule, and even then they're only allowed foundation!

Foslady · 16/09/2019 15:51

@mbosnz - that was my policy too!

pumkinspicetime · 16/09/2019 15:51

Don't the school have any policies on this?

I guess it is going to depend on what her friends are doing. Dd is same age but none of her group would dream of doing this so it isn't a situation we have to resolve.

If it is acceptable to the school and standard amongst her peers I would probably let her do this.

Windydaysuponus · 16/09/2019 15:52

Our secondary school has teachers at the gates with wipes...
Make up off or you don't get in...

GrimDamnFanjo · 16/09/2019 15:54

I'd check the rules!

NoSquirrels · 16/09/2019 15:56

I wouldn’t love it but I think if you double-down on it she’ll just take it in her bag and do it anyway.

I’d want to make sure the mascara was brown or clear and not clumpy black and the tinted moisturiser was subtle and not an orange tone.

And that is school did object you wouldn’t be impressed and she’d need to swallow whatever they said about it.

I think this is a pick your battles moment. 12 does seem young, though, to me.

Tinyandpetite · 16/09/2019 16:02

I must admit, my mum used to apply my foundation and concealer very very sparingly go cover my acne. It’s your call, but I’d its subtle and gives her confidence or make her look tangoed- like it did half the girls in my year, I’d allow it.

nicknamehelp · 16/09/2019 16:04

If rules allow it I would. Someone years ago told me in order to win the war you need to pick your battles wisely. A little bit of subtle makeup is not the end of the world

dollydaydream114 · 16/09/2019 16:05

I don't think I'd have a problem with mascara and tinted moisturiser. I don't think it's vastly inappropriate.

I think she's at the age where kids just start wanting that little bit more control over the way they look - for some it might be makeup, for others it might be changing their style clothes-wise or whatever. I do think they need to be able to experiment a tiny bit.

Original poster
Dorsetcamping · 16/09/2019 16:06

I remember being that age and also being desperate to wear make up but wasn't worth the grief from DM or school.

I just feel I'm constantly putting on the breaks with DD. Since she was tiny she has galloped ahead in terms wanting to be older than she is.

Thanks for your thoughts, letting her wear a little subtle seems to be a reasonable compromise.

School policy allows minimal inconspicuous make up and you can imagine how DD has delighted in quoting it at me!

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 16/09/2019 16:06

Brown mascara and very light tinted moisturiser. Presumably she has good skin

Jbraise · 16/09/2019 16:07

Certainly don’t give in. If a girl turned up to my lessons wearing make up . I would be sending her to the toilet to take it off. What is school policy?

eddiemairswife · 16/09/2019 16:09

Girls' Grammar in the 1950s; meeting in school hall for Lower Fifth (Y10) upwards. Headmistress arrived to announce that staff had decided that the senior school could wear discreet makeup. The point is that most of us were wearing discreet makeup, and the announcement just encouraged some girls to wear very obvious makeup, which didn't look right with school uniform.

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