To give in toDD wearing make up to school?

[Dorsetcamping]

DD (12) has just started secondary school. She has always been incredibly confident and looks older than her years.

I am facing a daily argument with her about wearing make up to school (mascara and tinted moisturiser). For the first few days I made her wipe it all off but the battle is exhausting me. She says all her friends wear a little bit of make up and that the school doesn't mind.

I'm not sure whether this is a battle worth fighting. To give her credit she puts it on well and isn't noticeable unless close up, but It does make her look older and I worry.

I’m not sure why you have a problem with it unless she is making herself orange and drawing on sharpie brows?
Didn’t we all wear a bit of concealer and mascara at that age? (strict girls school here)

I had bad skin at school. It's so unfair that the years most kids have the worst skin are also the years they're the most self-conscious. I wouldn't deny anyone a bit of tinted moisturiser if it takes the edge off their appearance anxiety. I don't think I'd get too excited about mascara really unless it looks too much on or the school make an issue of it.

My mother took a very strict stance on such things and to be honest it drove us apart. Rather than her being part of my teenage years, she became a dragon and an enemy to be circumvented. And a teenage girl has so much time and energy to circumvent even a watchful parent. The moment I turned out of our road at school, my 'look' totally changed.

My experience too! All my mum achieved was ensuring that I didn’t wear make up, drink, take drugs, wear revealing clothes or cavort with boys in front of her!

My bus to work is also the bus to a few secondary schools. There are always lots of girls putting make up on/putting it on each other. If she keeps trying to put it on despite you repeatedly telling her not to then I would be very surprised if she wasn't just reapplying it before she got to school anyway. Life is too short, let her wear it on the understanding that if she gets in trouble with school that is her problem.

I'd ask her why she wants to wear it to school. The answer is pretty obvious

Is it? Most people wear makeup to fit in and feel better about themselves by looking nice. Nothing wrong with that. If you're implying she's doing it for the boys that's victim blaming

For mascara and tinted moisturiser I would let her. It's not exactly a lot.

I don't really have a problem with it; I just need to keep remembering my teen years and then readjusting my perspective. She just seems so very grown up compared to some of her school friends.

Also like the idea of brown mascara as it looks more natural. Will sell the idea to her by telling her it's bang on trend

I can’t believe how strict schools can be around uniform, hair, make up, etc.

I was at secondary school between 2002 and 2007 and from the age of about 15 I had dyed hair (bright colours), I wore make up, I had a lip piercing and I wore black skinny jeans and Converse with my shirt and tie. Nobody gave a shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd go for "try it if you like but if you get told off/detention I'm backing the school" as the easiest approach I think

If makeup is light and natural so it's not noticeable then I'd let her. As a teacher I think a light makeup rule is sensible (to be honest even a no make up rule because if it's inconspicuous then I'd not notice anyway).

I'd also have the understanding that if she piles it on or gets pulled up for it (beacsue she's put too much on or added to it) then you're backing the school because she'll have taken the piss

I’d let her wear it while she can. After skirts are banned everywhere, makeup and jewelry/earrings will be next.

I do have to say to those who say they make them wipe it off at school, some girls may have horrendous skin that makes them self conscious because let’s be honest kids are cruel, and if that happened to my daughter I would go nuclear !!!!!
Why is there a zero makeup policy ?? What harm does a bit of concealer tinted moisturiser and mascara do ???
Those teachers who stand at gates with the wipes were obviously very confident with perfect skin !

Why is there a zero makeup policy ?? What harm does a bit of concealer tinted moisturiser and mascara do ???
Those teachers who stand at gates with the wipes were obviously very confident with perfect skin !

Zero policies usually exist because it's easier to say no makeup than it is to get into pointless time consuming negotiations with someone who thinks heavily contoured faves and felt penned in eyebrows constitutes "natural", something that more often than not leads to defiance from the student who refuses to remove the makeup and then a parent showing up kicking off about how awful the teacher is for bullying their child when all the other girls wear makeup and nobody says anything. If you have enough families in your cohort with that approach you end up either spending loads of time explaining the very obvious that clubbing in magaluf makeup is not natural school makeup or SLT decide it's a rule that doesn't need enforcing and so the burden is passed to all parents who now have "but everyone has fake tan and highlighter" and the social pressure for girls increases.

Meanwhile if someone looks like they have zero makeup on then they're not going to get stopped under a zero makeup policy because nobody has the time or inclination to microinspect faces.

Schools like mine have a light/inconspicuous makeup policy because the overwhelming majority of our students and parents are sensible types and so whilst the situations like above happen occasionally, they're not the norm.

@lolasmiles sounds like a good approach ! It’s what I would call day makeup and ‘out out’ makeup - just I don’t really go out anymore so it’s no makeup or a bit of makeup 😂😂😂