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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding with or without partners family

77 replies

Moanmona · 16/09/2019 12:32

My partner and I are getting married in 4 weeks, we are having a very small wedding. I am 20 weeks pregnant which was a surprise for us but we are both happy. I am 5 years older than my partner and when we met he was introduced to me as an orphan (inside joke with bf) I told him that he was therefore my perfect man as I don’t really like people much. He kept quiet on the 3 step parents and 4 siblings, 8 nieces and nephews etc etc. I have barely met these people and do not want them at our wedding, my parents and best friend are coming as are 4 of his friends and work mates then we meet another dozen at restaurant for a party. AIBU to not want his family who we don’t often see changing the whole dynamic of our day?

OP posts:
altiara · 16/09/2019 12:36

Well what your your partner want? It’s his wedding too!
Personally, I think it’s rude to invite your own family and not his. And you say you don’t like people so sounds like you’ve put him off seeing his family and them being able to build a relationship with you.

DoraleeRhodes · 16/09/2019 12:39

Does he want them there?

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 16/09/2019 12:40

You sound awful it's his family getting married is about joining families together! Is he considerably young given you're 5 years older?

7yo7yo · 16/09/2019 12:40

You sound nasty.

misspiggy19 · 16/09/2019 12:41

AIBU to not want his family who we don’t often see changing the whole dynamic of our day?

^I wish I knew your fiancé so I could tell him to run for the hills. You sound controlling, selfish and possessive

redcupbluecup · 16/09/2019 12:42

Dince you want a small wedding why not just have his family and not invite yours?

No? Then stop being so selfish. If he wants his family there dont try and talk him into not. Very wrong of you.

Bouffalant · 16/09/2019 12:44

getting married is about joining families together!

This again. No. It's about 2 people choosing to be married.

namechangedbecauseithinkiabu · 16/09/2019 12:47

You are being SO unreasonable it’s literally unbelievable! I wouldn’t marry you if I were him over this alone!

AhNowTed · 16/09/2019 12:47

"These people". They're is family FGS.

I can see you trying to insert a big fat wedge between him and his family.

SVRT19674 · 16/09/2019 12:48

He has a right to invite those of his family he wants there. You are being very unreasonable and frankly twatish.

Ginger1982 · 16/09/2019 12:51

Gosh so your family are invited and his aren't? Does he want them there?

DriftingLeaves · 16/09/2019 12:54

They are his family and will be your baby's family. What's the matter with you?

LagunaBubbles · 16/09/2019 12:55

Whether you have met them or not they are your DPs family, and it looks as if he wants them there, and why not, it's his wedding to! You sound very very controlling and this doesnt bode well.

ShatnersWig · 16/09/2019 12:55

First time poster with a really contentious thread.

Nah, not gonna bother.

Sparklesocks · 16/09/2019 12:56

Surely you can see that he’d want his family at his wedding? YANBU for wanting a small wedding but why are your family allowed but not his?

Bouffalant · 16/09/2019 12:57

Does he even want them there?

Cryalot2 · 16/09/2019 12:58

Surely you cant expect him not to have his family at his wedding when you are having yours? Ok you don't know them but he does and they are his family. Its a two way thing .

verticality · 16/09/2019 13:00

I think this is really his decision, and he should be able to make it freely without the pressure of your feelings thrust upon him. He may want them there or not - either way, it's up to him.

AJPTaylor · 16/09/2019 13:04

His decision. Can't he invite his parents sans partners? My bff did this with her bitterly divorced parents. Made it crystal that this was serious. Both invited. Both to be civil. Any moaning, invite recinded. Both strategically placed with us, her oldest friends who knew enough to keep them entertained.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/09/2019 13:09

So you're getting married to a man you supposedly love but you want to invite only your family and not his?

You don't sound like you actually care about him.

krustykittens · 16/09/2019 13:14

He 'kept quiet' about his family?! So did he keep it a secret while you were dating? Or did you know about them fairly soon into the relationship but have decided not to have a relationship with them? If it is the latter, you are being a very selfish person. If it is the former, then this is a very strange relationship.

krustykittens · 16/09/2019 13:16

Just wanted to add, if you struggle at social occasions with near strangers and find it to much pressure on your wedding day, elope. At least then, you are treating everyone the same and it won't cause resentment with your partner.

DDiva · 16/09/2019 13:28

If he doesn't have a relationship with them and doesn't want them there then fine. It's his call tho maybe this could be the start of a good relationship with them. You need to discuss this fully and how things will be with your new growing family, congratulations......

Original poster
Moanmona · 16/09/2019 13:51

He is 32 and not very close to his family. He isn’t bothered about having them at the wedding. I would rather have no one there than invite people I barely know. It is not a union of 2 families it is about do and I making a family for our baby.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/09/2019 13:55

But it isn't just about who you know. It isn't just your wedding.

Ultimately if he chooses by himself to not want them there, that's his call.

But it sounds like you've convinced him that you should be able to choose who goes to your wedding because its all about you