If pets were on 'Am I being unreasonable?'

[AmbiguousAlex]

I'm unable to understand why more of my dog treats haven't been bought and also why I haven't been the only one who has had them. I mean they're made for dogs so that means they're only for dogs, right? No other animals like Syrian hamsters for example can have them? I've had none since the beginning of this week, I've tried multiple times to let my owner know that I'd like some only to be shown an empty plastic Chinese takeaway carton more times than I can count and I'm beginning to get so fed up to the point where I'm just randomly going into the bedroom a few times per day to argue and throw my weight around.

Things blew up this evening though! I immediately sat down near the two Syrian hamster cages after I had barged in and before I knew I was in the midst of a breakdown. All I can remember was staring at my owner right in the eyes whilst shaking and letting out a continuous growl that got louder and louder to the point where I thought there was a bloomin' earthquake happening. All I wanted was to desperately get the attention of my horrible owner so that they could open the cage door and get the small bit of treat that was left so I could get my meaty fix.

So, was I being unreasonable to have a massive tantrum over my dog treats tonight? Please let me know. 🐶

My Human thinks I'm unreasonable. Am I? I expect her to follow these rules :

The Human is here to serve me.. Only me. The Tiny Humans are beneath me.

The Human shall not brush my beautiful hair. No matter how matted.

The Human shall apologise to the cat groomer for any injuries I inflict, silly person. Leave my matts alone.

The Human shall not stroke me on my left side. As the vet says, there's no pain I just don't like you touching me there. You may touch me: on the top of my head and on the left underside of my jaw. Everywhere else is off limits.

I only like food that is in the middle of my plate. Yes I know you changed from a bowl to a plate to avoid the food waste, but it wasn't about the type of dish - I just prefer the middle bit of a pile of food.

Dog:
I like eating the crotch of anything my humans have ever worn. Though they never leave anything on the floor for me ever and it’s driving me crazy. I have to be really sly and wait for the younger one to get distracted and if I’m really lucky I might be able to swipe something expensive and precious like a leotard (stupid sequins get stuck in my teeth though, so annoying) but it’s so labour intensive for me. I barely have the energy.
Can’t wait for tights and leggings season which is just round the corner! Hopefully loads of opportunity to munch on their layers and layers of winter clothes. Till then I’m going to have to settle for socks. Or even shoes if I get too desperate.
AIBU to ask for humans that offered their clothing for chewing purposes and thus were less selfish for once? How does everyone else cope?

Cat:
I think my human is cheating on me. Should I LTB? They come home late, absolutely stinking of another feline and what’s worse... yesterday they were covered- COVERED- in another cat’s fur. She wasnt even ashamed. Tried talking to me about this other ANIMAL she calls ‘so cute’, ‘such a fluffball’.... what on Earth is she even thinking?! I was STARVING, she shut her bedroom door all day so I couldn’t puke on her bed again (I mean reallllllllyy??) and then the realisation she had met up with another cat- well, I just can’t stand it. It’s getting my back right up, it’s taking all my might not to piss in her shoes just to make her sorry. I need to show her there’s only space in her heart for one of us- going to bring her a half dead, semi disembowelled mouse in the early hours, wake her up by placing it on her pillow. Then she will know that I’m the only cat she needs, it’ll put a stop to her two timing ways for ever!

AIBU- my human removed a long slimy thing from my nose. I am not impressed - I'll let her know when I want items removed from my fur or face!

Yabu! You’re a dog and treats are only for precious cats like me. Not my brother who’s a complete douchebag. Only for me.
My owners call me fat and only feed me twice a day. I know you’ll all tell me this is abuse and to LTB (leave the bastards) but I prefer to shit in the bathtub instead. Not little ones... elephant sized shits. See how they like them apples!

AIBU to think that my human is really dirty? I always give her face a good clean with my tongue at bedtime, including in her ears and up her nose, but she says things like she's trying to sleep! Everyone knows that you need to do a good clean of your arse at least before sleep.

My dad had the nerve to sit in MY chair today so I sat on him and let out my most pitiful yelp every 10 seconds until he moved

Mum wouldn't let me eat the chicken carcass from their dinner (of which they didn't give me any- bastards) so I pissed up the curtain and went upstairs and ate some Lego. That'll learn em

(I have to be careful though, I nicked a whole quiche the other day, which was bloody lovely btw, and mum went apeshit, if I don't toe the line with her she won't let me off the lead in the woods and I won't be able to chase SQUIRRELS 🐿 which is my favouritest thing in the whole world)

IF I WANT TO EAT POO, I WILL EAT POO!!!

If I want to throw up after it, I WILL!

AIBU to expect to kiss my mum straight after eating the poo and/or vomit? She won't let me and I'm so offended!

Omg @BeepBeeep I feel your pain!!

My hoomans are constantly telling me to "sit" but when I do they yell "ow get off you're too heavy!"

They mutter on about being a puppy in a full size dogs body, talk about all the fat shaming!!

I mean, I've no idea what they're on about, because clearly I'm a cat.

My human is weird. She won't feed me when I want, then gets upset when I eat sheep poo, dead hedgehogs and fence posts. I can't win! Aibu?

AIBU? I think I may have been hypnotised. Whenever anyone says the word walkies I lose all self control and jump around like I’m crazy. It’s so embarrassing...I also have to go pee up every lamppost and bush I pass. Without that word I’ll happily just have normal toilet duties in the garden, I feel like I’m being controlled

My owner keeps spilling the beans that I'm not a kitten. I have half the neighbours fooled that I am a starving 6 month old.

Even the Yodel delivery driver thought I was a kitten and he took film of me (he claims it is to show his brother).

Ans so you know what else she does? She rolls over in her sleep. I'm all settled on her hips nothing away and she turns over and I have to reposition myself.

And lastly AIBU to want to use the front door occasionally? I know the back window stays open until it snows and I have 24 hour access, and the hoomin does open the front window for me whenever I ask but I've created an elaborate cat chess game that involves me using the door and she just opens the window and tells me to come in. The indignity of having to use the window in front of the neighbour cats.

nothing = snoring

Me and my sister have only been living here about 5 weeks but tbh we barely remember mum now (that nice milk stuff she made stopped happening and she'd started giving us a cuff around the ears when we tried to investigate that option - but I digress)

Anyway. Obviously there is a lot of napping to be done and it seems to be our job (me and sis) to do it. One of the biggest humans is around most if the time but tbh morning till night she's doing things. Sometimes that's standing or sitting near us but that's only when these small sparkly things start whizzing about that MUST BE CAUGHT AND SUPPRESSED so we hardly have time for her then.

The rest of the time she does pretty much no napping at all - either standing up in the kitchen or around other parts of the house, usually making noise, or sitting at a table looking at this rectangle of light and tickling this other rectangle that's full of smaller squares. And not napping. So:

Obviously me and sis are way more interesting than a rectangle of light, and much better to tickle than a rectangle of small squares so AIBU (or AWBU I guess as it is we not I) to stand/sit/sleep ON the rectangle of squares and between her and the rectangle of light in order to demonstrate that spending a bit of time grooming us then curling up to nap like us is a much better use of her time?

ALSO - like just for the last 45 minutes of each day she FINALLY stops doing other things and sits on the sofa with her legs horizontal and next to the other big human. Obviously by then we have done pretty much all the napping needed and her legs make an excellent terrain for me and sis to use for a battleground while we have a play fight. AWBU to include her in the game by attacking her toes and fingers as part of the battle and dig our claws into her legs and arms? She seems to think WABU as she makes this overdramatic howling every time but we are only playing!

My hoomin locks me out of the kitchen. One day she forgot to put the metal stop down so I got in.There was a lovely smell coming from the worktop.When I got up to it I found it was made of warm.

Well a warm thing smelling of meat was obviously intended for me to wrap around and go to sleep.

When hoomin found me she forced my out of the kitchen, I had to sulk on the sky box which isn't as warm.

They're starving me ... Should I report them to the RSPCA???? They weigh out my food (it's never enough - I think I should have quadruple what they provide) and to add insult to injury they won't feed me food from their table, despite me trying the pleading hungry dog look. I think I might fade away at this rate ... I am a labrador ...

Cat1: female owner for someone in to 'cat proof the garden' now I can't run over the wall and attach the cat 3 doors down. Aibu to think my owner is a rude bitch, she claims she was fed up of the owner coming round cos I attacked her cat again. Might just trash the sofa some more, that'll shoe her.
Cat 2: my STUPID female owner took me to the vet for dental work, vet said I was fat. The stupid bint has cut back the amount of dreamies I get. Aibu to keep throwing up on her bed?
Male dog: my 'girlfriend' is in season, I'd really like to get it on with her. My idiot owner dropped me off at her brother's house until the season has ended. Might just chase the cats when I'm back, my owners love it when I do that.
Female dog: my humans keep muttering about how its not appropriate to chase the cats. I really wanted to get it on with mdog but the owners made him leave. Wibu to chase the cat later, maybe then they'll move out.

I got bored of waiting for my woman owner to come home from work this morning so I took the cushions off her sofa and played bean bag throwing with them.
I could tell she was cross when she walked in cos normally she cuddles me and gives me a treat, but today she ignored me and smacked my snout instead.
I know my man owner fed me and took me for a walk before he went to work and I only had an hour to wait for her, but really!!
Then the jack cow ate a sausage roll and didn't offer me any, and she knows they're my favourite!
Now she's cross with me again cos barked at a burglar and woke her up. I didn't know he was a window cleaner did I?!?! I was only protecting our home.
She's not very nice to me today.
And my beloved Sam next door 🐕💘 hasn't come outside yet.

Cat1 - My human dad is a lazy lay about, but I have been trying to help him develop better habits. If, for example, he wasn't up by 5:00 to serve me breakfast I would get on the bed and walk on him to help him wake up. He really didn't like this and would pick me up and put me back on the floor, repeatedly. But I outsmarted him. Now I go into the bedroom and yowl at the top of my lungs if he's running late.

Cat2 - These strange humans keep appearing in my house, forcing me to run and hide. One, who my human mum calls "mother in law" has been coming over for Saturday dinner for many years. She hasn't done anything wrong yet, but I'm keeping my eye on her and retreating just in case.

If my human sticks her bare bottom out of the duvet what does she expect a cat to do but sniff her arse crack. Oh my days the screaming about cold noses and dirty boys who will be sent back to the cat rescue place. I love her and I love the smell of her bottom (especially when she farts!)

Me and my sister like to try a new brand of cat food every single day and won't eat the same thing twice. I also prefer to climb out of the window than walk out of the open door right beside it. Sure, it leaves paw prints over the window my owner has just cleaned, but I really think she makes too much of a big deal of it. She also gets a bit annoyed when I knock the alarm on the floor every morning when it goes off

AIBU - I'm a little black cat. Just when I've made my mummy's book smell lovely by banging my head against it all evening, rubbing it with my scent glands, and dribbling on it, she puts it away and gets a new one out! Last week, I even caught her sending a load of books I'd carefully perfumed to a charity shop! I'm wasting my time, aren't I?

Yesterday I was playing a really good game of it with a squirrel. He ran up the tree, so I had to bark to let him know that the rules clearly state "no squirrel is allowed to stay up a tree, as dogs clearly can't climb trees and it's therefore an unfair advantage". Mummy just thought I was being naughty and put me on the lead. I was on the lead today as well. I know she was unreasonable, so this evening I pulled all the fluff out of my bed and left it for her to clear up. Who's laughing now, mummy?

AIBU to send my housekeeper for retraining? I like to go in and out of the backdoor at regular intervals. In the Summer this is mostly ok as the door is open but now it's getting chilly I sometimes have to wait at least 5 minutes before she will come to the door. Why she has to leave the kitchen to sit down I do not know? I think she may be getting a little hard of hearing as no matter how loud I call she still keeps me waiting. Is it too much to ask that she stands by the door to open and close at my instant command?

AIBU to think that my owner needs her head testing?
She fills a big white thing with clean warm water and expects me not to know what her game is!
She thinks she's being clever by not telling me that it's for me to get into, but I can see my towel and my shampoo there, so I run off back downstairs and ignore her calling me.
Then she has to come down and play chase until she manages to catch me.
Then she expects me to just bloody jump in it! I mean, it's too small for me to even have a decent splash around in.
Eventually she manages to wrestle me into it, despite my protests.
Then she starts telling me how lovely it is.
Lovely? Bloody lovely?? I'm forced to stand there covered in bubbles that are washing all my carefully collected shit off my fur, being half drowned, I end up smelling nothing like dog and she thinks it's sodding lovely?!? I mean..wut??
I get my revenge though by shaking the bloody wet water off myself and onto her and the walls. See how she likes being half drowned!
Then she shouts at me again when I run outside and play slidies on the grass.
I can't risk my beloved Sam 🐕💘 next door running off with the dirty bitch 2 doors away because she's made me pong like a perfume counter!

My mum and gran have just had a mcdonalds delivered and the only thing they gave me was a bag of carrots.

I watched every single bite of those big mac meals and mcflurries in the hope that they'd play fair and give me some but no... apparently it's 'not for dogs' and 'you have your own special liver care food - the salt isn't good for you!'

I'm totally within my rights to call the RSPCA, right? They're ignoring my disdainful stare as I choke down the carrots.