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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boys and girls sharing tents at scouts?

57 replies

MadameGazelleIsMyHomegirl · 15/09/2019 12:10

Dd is at scout camp. As I was leaving I had a brief chat with 2 of the leaders. One said ‘they can choose who they share a tent with, as long as they’re happy. I’m ok with mixed ages, mixed genders, whatever.’ I immediately said that I hoped not, and that I was not comfortable with the idea of dd (10) sharing a tent with boys. I’m now thinking of putting this in writing as the more I think about it, the more it makes my hair stand on end. AIBU?

OP posts:
Popfan · 15/09/2019 12:13

Our scout group always separates the girls and boys. This was also the case in cubs.

Chocolatecake12 · 15/09/2019 12:13

I actually thought it was against the scouting ‘law’ for mixed sexes to share. Certainly in my ds’s group they do not mix the sexes when sharing tents.

nonmerci · 15/09/2019 12:15

They’re not supposed to share. My DD is the only girl in Beavers and she sleeps separately with one of the female leaders and her teenage daughter.

EmmaGellerGreen · 15/09/2019 12:17

No, definitely not allowed to share unless it’s siblings and they both want to share. We had b/g twins who always chose to share with each other but no one else.

Inebriati · 15/09/2019 12:17

Their attitude is a red flag for safeguarding, and may actually invalidate the insurance.

Farcry66 · 15/09/2019 12:18

My son is no longer in cubs and scouts (which as a life long guide leader really pains me). This is because they did have mixed sex in a tent at cub camp, 4 boys, 2 girls, which they had not informed parents of. A number of things happened which makes me very uncomfortable and resulted in serious safe guarding issues being brought up and reported. I had assumed that it wasn't done because every time I go on a joint event boys and girls are separate.

BarbariansMum · 15/09/2019 12:19

Our scouts always has separate boy/girl accommodation. Are you worried that your dd wants to share w boys?

Farcry66 · 15/09/2019 12:21

members.scouts.org.uk/nightsawayfaqs

Near the end of this page it explicitly states that they can share. Although does say parents should be informed (not sure how long that bit has been there though, our issue happened 2 years ago.)

Bloodymary · 15/09/2019 12:24

Always separate boys and girls tents at my DDs scout camps.
And quite right too. I mean DD is 14 now...…...so when is your scout leader going to put a stop to it?

Ispini · 15/09/2019 12:24

The Scouts group my kids are in most certainly do not let boys and girls share. My DH is a Scout leader and it definitely is not permitted, I’ve never heard of that. Personally I would be having serious words.

Sproglets · 15/09/2019 12:25

Ours has boy/girl separate, on paper anyway. I know for a fact that after lights out a whole load of rearranging happens to suit the preferences of the scouts - apparently they just want to share a tent with their friends.
I also know that the leaders spend a fair amount of time and energy unrearranging them!

Rezie · 15/09/2019 12:26

In general in the UK boys and girls tents are separated. Could be some situations where there are exceptions. But it is not the norm. In this case they have a choise so I'm.not sure if it is against the rules.

Where I'm from mixed tents are normal and assumed if mixed scout group so parents are not informed. If single gender group has a camp with posit gender then they sleep in separate tents.

My DD is the only girl in Beavers and she sleeps separately with one of the female leaders and her teenage daughter
I thought in the UK adults are not allowed to sleep in te same space as children? Or was this just a rule in the troop I was in?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/09/2019 12:27

Of course boys and girls should be separated!

It may be ok when they are small children, but not at 10.

I am also dead against them choosing who they share with. That just means that shy / less popular kids will get picked last, and will probably be the ones sharing with the boys as I'd guess that most kids would rather share with their own sex too.

GruciusMalfoy · 15/09/2019 12:28

Yanbu. Boys and girls are always separated in my son's group, I wouldn't be happy with them sharing. It's unnecessary.

SarahTancredi · 15/09/2019 12:30

Yanbu
Its bonkers isnt it. I would tell other mums too if you have contact details.

Mind you at least you were told.

In the guides parents will have no idea their girls have a boy in the tent or shower.

TowerRingInferno · 15/09/2019 12:30

Always separate here. Also not allowed to choose who they share with within the same sex (to avoid friendship issues, people feeling left out if not chosen etc).

YobaOljazUwaque · 15/09/2019 12:30

Actually I believe the scouts official policy is to allow mixed sex accommodation because some troops may only have one girl and it would be a safeguarding issue to have that one girl alone. I don't think it's a brilliant policy as (a) children may not have the confidence to say that they aren't happy with something. Social pressure is very strong. (b) children are perfectly capable of making choices that are not actually sensible choices.

SaveKevin · 15/09/2019 12:32

God no, wouldn’t happen in ours either.

Lipz · 15/09/2019 12:35

As many people are for equal rights for everyone and not using the Male and female term anymore, and allowing our children to not identify with different rules for boy and girls, could it be possible that they are trying to keep most happy by allowing this ?

BringOnTheScience · 15/09/2019 12:38

Just check the Scouts' official guidelines people! Mixing IS allowed.

Many units chose to not have mixed tents, but that's their choice.

TaskMistress · 15/09/2019 12:42

If your not happy speak to the leader rather than bitching on social media.

MrsFionaCharming · 15/09/2019 12:42

It is allowed, but in real life I’ve only come across it at large event like sleepovers at an aquarium where everyone sleeps in one large room.

However, if you were to post this question on the most popular scouting Facebook page, you’d get loads of replies from (predominantly male) leaders saying they “don’t have girls and boys, just Scouts and they all share”, and also recommending to each other that parents can only complain if they’re informed.

Natsku · 15/09/2019 12:44

I was shocked to find out from DD that they slept in a mixed tent at weekend Scout camp (not UK) but then I found out there was an adult awake at all times in the tent (to keep an eye on the stove and feed more wood into it as it was winter camping so they had a wood stove for heating in the big tent) so I was less concerned with that knowledge. But when they went for summer camp they had smaller tents and girls and boys were separated.

Inebriati · 15/09/2019 12:44

The policy is that there should be separate sleeping areas unless that is impossible.
pages 7, 16, 18
members.scouts.org.uk/documents/girlstm.pdf

Inebriati · 15/09/2019 12:46

Also Chapter 2 p3;

''The Child Protection Policy

It is the policy of The Scout Association to safeguard the welfare of all Members by protecting them from neglect and from physical, sexual and emotional harm.
Accordingly The Scout Association is committed to:

  • taking all reasonable practicable steps to protect them from neglect, physical, sexual and emotional harm''

members.scouts.org.uk/documents/POR%20Updates%20Jan%202012.pdf