Apologies.... it’s a long one.
My DH and I have been married for 16 yrs and have 3 teenagers. He has known one group of friends since high school and they’re mostly lovely guys, but there is one girl who has been single for most of the time we have been together and has made it clear to all the wives and partners of the guys in the group that she is the “Queen Bee” and via various passive aggressive comments at the beginnings of our relationships, she has implied that she chose not to get involved romantically with whichever of the guys we happen to be with, but they were all secretly in love with her. None of us believe her, and we ignore that, see it for what it is and over the years have forged a friendship for what it is.
I thought..... I don’t for one minute think that my DH is actually secretly in love with her at all, so this is not coming from this kind of insecurity. DH and I are in counselling stemming from me feeling betrayed when I tried to discuss my ptsd after repressed rape memories began to return and he refused to have the conversation because he was going through his own shit and was already feeling resentful towards me. Obviously physical intimacy is a massive issue for me because of these two situations. The Queen Bee has recently admitted that she broke up with her boyfriend in FEBRUARY (her longest relationship in the time I have known her) and hasn’t spoken to anyone about this. They went out together for a couple of drinks in a group.... all good. Then last weekend we all went out for dinner at a pub where there were two different football games showing. She was VERY friendly towards me. All good. After the games were over and she’d had several more drinks, she brought up in conversation that she knew that DH and I weren’t having sex and hadn’t for a long time. It was abundantly clear that he hadn’t taken responsibility for his side of things at all despite repeatedly saying so to my face. (Not the rape, that was years before we met, but the arsehole behaviour.) When I confronted him later about having this conversation, he said that he has the right to talk to his friends about how this affects him, but he couldn’t talk about my rape as that was invading my privacy. I think that was a cop out to avoid looking like an arsehole. I’m hurt and feel like I’ve been betrayed again. What do you think? (*btw - he has more insight than most, he has been raped himself, and I have helped him through some very dark times and some awful behaviour of his own.)