To not want to force my child to eat meat or fish

[Delenia]

I am 30 weeks pregnant and just had a big argument with my husband. 30 years ago at the age of 10, I became vegetarian. I didn't know anything about the environment or factory farming or health. It was simply that I liked animals and didn't want to eat them. I discovered the word "vegetarian" and realised if I told people I was vegetarian I wouldn't have to anymore. I told my non-vegetarian parents that I was vegetarian and they supported me. My Mum read a lot, started using more beans and lentils in the family cooking and got me involved in cooking too. Since then I've been a strict vegetarian and at times vegan. I enjoy cooking and have educated myself a lot about different foods and nutrition. I am generally very healthy, got pregnant first time trying at 40 (down to a big dose of luck too I'm sure) while vegan. I started eating dairy and eggs again through my pregnancy but have remained vegetarian.
My husband is not vegetarian. He enjoys meat a lot, but also enjoys vegetarian food including beans and lentils. We eat vegetarian (mainly organic) food at home that we cook from scratch with little processed food as we both enjoy cooking and eating well. He has meat and/or fish a couple of times a week usually outside the house simply because it's easier to prepare food at home that we both can eat. He has always been very supportive of my vegetarianism, making sure there is going to be vegetarian food if we're invited somewhere, being considerate of meat smells on the few occasions he cooks food at home etc.
Before I got pregnant, we discussed many things about bringing up a child including diet. We decided that, of course I wasn't going to cook any meat for the child but if my husband wanted to feed her meat and/or fish I would be ok with that and then when she was old enough she could decide for herself. If I was raising the child by myself, she would be vegetarian like me, but I'm raising her with my husband so accept that she can have a non-vegetarian diet so long as it is good quality organic meat and not too often.
One thing we didn't agree on was what age is "old enough" to decide for herself. From my own experience, I thought that might be quite young. Maybe younger than me because vegetarianism is a lot more common than it was 30 years ago. My husband had just told me that while it might be possible for an adult to be vegetarian and healthy, it is not healthy for a developing child and a child must eat meat and fish at least once or twice a week which he will prepare for her. What's more, he believes it's not physically possible for a child of 10 years old to decide for herself to be vegetarian and our daughter will eat meat until she is 18 years old as that is the age when people can decide for themselves. Until then, we will decide for her. I fundamentally disagree. Firstly it is definitely possible for a child to be vegetarian and healthy and it is possible for a child to know if she wants to eat meat a lot younger than 18. The idea that a teen-ager has no capacity to make sensible choices until they are 18 seems ridiculous to me. Of course she will need guidance but I fully expect her to be able to choose things for herself well before the age of 18. Of course this is all theoretical at this point and the issue of whether or not to eat meat may never come up crazy (I know that she could turn out to be a big meat eater and that's her decision- I have plenty of meat eating friends raised by vegetarian parents and vise versa), but there is no way that I could force a child of mine or allow anyone else, including my husband, to force a child of mine to eat meat or fish if she didn't want to. I couldn't even tell her she has to eat meat because it's necessary and healthy for children because I don't believe it. My husband thinks I am too emotional when it comes to anything about vegetarianism and I can't see things logically. It's true that after 30 years of criticism and people questioning my diet (I have traveled a lot and lived in other countries where vegetarianism is not so common) and trying to trick me or persuade me to eat meat, I can be quite sensitive about it. But the fact that my husband, who I thought was understanding and supportive, is now completely dismissing my own experiences makes me so angry and hurt. And how about all the other situations where I think we can and should respect our child's wishes and decisions before she is 18?! Although this is completely hypothetical situation about a child that is yet to be born, I am very concerned that we would disagree so profoundly. Am I being unreasonable?

Toddlers especially can be really fussy and you really have to pick your battles! Since he cooks, if he choses to do some fish on the side or prep some fishy/meaty foods then dc can taste. If not, then they eat the vegetarian food you cook. Works for my friend who is vegetarian.

@Fatasfooook lol live that name

love the lentils comment

My 7 month old was spitting out stuff she didn't like. He may learn rather sooner than 18.

The rubbish that's in nuggets and tempura!

Nice fatas

We eat 95% vegan for health reasons.

I don't get this 'I am too emotional when it comes to anything about vegetarianism' as if you are doing it for animal welfare reasons I find it ridiculous as the dairy industry is very cruel.

We have twins and at 1 year old DS just refused all meat and fish, DD is very carnivore.

I think let the child guide you generally speaking.

We cook and use a lot of mung beans, lentils, beans, that's just how we eat and the DC are happy with it. However if you put a big steak in front of DD she would be happy with that too.

Just seen this comment
'DH is from Spain where vegetarianism isn't as common so it's also lack of experience in this field.'

We live in Spain and chick peas and lentils are a main food staple here so as a Spaniard he must be used to it.

Vegetarian and vegan diets are quite common here actually.

My two daughters were both raised vegetarian from birth. I always said when they were old enough to decide for themselves I would allow them to eat meat if that is what they chose once they understood where it came from. I assumed this would be somewhere between the ages of 5 and 10.

I became vegan (rather than just vegetarian) a few years ago. My eldest is now nearly 21 and has been vegan for the past year, my youngest is 11 and is vegetarian although she happy eats all the vegan meals I prepare at home and chooses vegan options most of the time (oat milk, vegan cheese). Both are healthy eaters and although my eldest was a picky eater as a child she has become less so as a vegan as she knew she had to eat a wide range of vegetables and pulses to get proper nutrition. Neither of them have ever wanted to eat meat. Despite my ex husband desperately trying to tell my youngest that vegan food wasn't healthy for her whilst simultaneously feeding her a diet of chips and donuts whilst she is with him!

I’m a vegetarian and have been since I was 12, I decided I didn’t like the taste or smell of meat and fish and just stopped eating it.

My DC were ‘raised’ vegetarian like me until they started school, then you really do lose an element of control if you like. I didn’t want to be the parent removing sweets they had received from a child in their class because they contained gelatine for example. They had school dinners for a while and chose to eat meat a few times too, I couldn’t really control that.

My eldest will not touch meat or fish at all, I think he will most likely be a lifelong veggie now and possibly vegan when he is older. DD’s eat meat and fish occasionally. I don’t cook it because I hate the smell but if we eat out and they want to order meat or fish, I don’t stop them.

I have a baby now too and I’m planning on doing the same with him really. Veggie until school age when he gets more of his own choice and independence.

Isn’t forcing them only to have a vegetarian diet the same as what he’s saying?
Surely feed them a bit of everything and see what they like and let them choose.

My Niece, 29, never eaten meat or fish, never been Ill, has 2 healthy babies, 4 and 2 who dont eat meat or fish and her husband is a convert.
Nobody, Inc children, need animal flesh to be healthy.

Get on with feeding your child in your own ways and cross the vegetarian bridge if it ever comes up - as PP have said kids have opinions and enjoy /dislike foods and can make their own choices - just now you're arguing over nothing - let it go and enjoy your child and marriage

My niece was raised vegetarian from birth, now at 18 she is the biggest meat eater I know.

Raised both ds as vegetarians until they decided they wanted to eat meat both at age 5. Good luck to your dh in making your dc eat something against their will! You will look back on this post with a wry smile.

btw @Biancadelrioisback ds have had no problems digesting meat

@Biancadelrioisback Yep my niece had no problems at all eating all the meat 😂

Your husband is being a bit unreasonable but I'm sure you'll work it out when it comes to it. I think it's just brilliant that as the vegetarian, you're happy for your baby to initially grow up as an omni, I've the years I've met so many veggies and vegans who have been really militant about what their kids won't be having. I was veggie when pregnant with both of my kids, I started eating small amounts of meat later in both pregnancies but actually mostly didn't eat at all due to sickness. They're omni but have both started out as veggies and have mostly happily eaten veggie and vegan food which I've made, as well as omni food. I actually think from a health perspective that eating properly made vegetarian dishes several times a week is important, even if you're an omni. I've noticed how easy it is not to eat enough of the good stuff when we cook with meat at home. If I make something veggie, I put so much more vegetables, beans, etc into the meal.

@14Biancadelrioisback I think I understand where whoever you got that information from was coming from, because after I'd been veggie for years, exclusively, I ate a steak one night and I had such a terrible stomach ache for ages, felt really unwell. I've since spoken to other people who have had similar experiences and it's probably to do with your system getting used to something.

It makes me laugh when people say ‘forcing children to not eat meat’. Using that logic I assume you are ‘forcing your children not to eat’ all kinds of things.

I’m vegan and my kids eat vegan in our house. There’s no force involved. They have always had the choice to eat whatever they like but on the understanding that, at home, we buy and eat vegan food only.

My DD often strays into vegetarianism but DS (older) sticks to being vegan.

We had the same situation as you. Our compromise was vegetarian at home but DC ate some fish at nursery and school (this was 20 years ago and vegetarian. food at school then was very limited....the era of the 'vegetable teddy"!). At age 10, we gave each of them the choice to eat meat. They all did but as teens/young adults are largely vegetarian and one almost vegan. Ten was about the right age for them to make the choice. It''s all academic until then though so best wishes for the birth and I hope you both enjoy your baby/toddler without worrying anymore about this.