I am 30 weeks pregnant and just had a big argument with my husband. 30 years ago at the age of 10, I became vegetarian. I didn't know anything about the environment or factory farming or health. It was simply that I liked animals and didn't want to eat them. I discovered the word "vegetarian" and realised if I told people I was vegetarian I wouldn't have to anymore. I told my non-vegetarian parents that I was vegetarian and they supported me. My Mum read a lot, started using more beans and lentils in the family cooking and got me involved in cooking too. Since then I've been a strict vegetarian and at times vegan. I enjoy cooking and have educated myself a lot about different foods and nutrition. I am generally very healthy, got pregnant first time trying at 40 (down to a big dose of luck too I'm sure) while vegan. I started eating dairy and eggs again through my pregnancy but have remained vegetarian.
My husband is not vegetarian. He enjoys meat a lot, but also enjoys vegetarian food including beans and lentils. We eat vegetarian (mainly organic) food at home that we cook from scratch with little processed food as we both enjoy cooking and eating well. He has meat and/or fish a couple of times a week usually outside the house simply because it's easier to prepare food at home that we both can eat. He has always been very supportive of my vegetarianism, making sure there is going to be vegetarian food if we're invited somewhere, being considerate of meat smells on the few occasions he cooks food at home etc.
Before I got pregnant, we discussed many things about bringing up a child including diet. We decided that, of course I wasn't going to cook any meat for the child but if my husband wanted to feed her meat and/or fish I would be ok with that and then when she was old enough she could decide for herself. If I was raising the child by myself, she would be vegetarian like me, but I'm raising her with my husband so accept that she can have a non-vegetarian diet so long as it is good quality organic meat and not too often.
One thing we didn't agree on was what age is "old enough" to decide for herself. From my own experience, I thought that might be quite young. Maybe younger than me because vegetarianism is a lot more common than it was 30 years ago. My husband had just told me that while it might be possible for an adult to be vegetarian and healthy, it is not healthy for a developing child and a child must eat meat and fish at least once or twice a week which he will prepare for her. What's more, he believes it's not physically possible for a child of 10 years old to decide for herself to be vegetarian and our daughter will eat meat until she is 18 years old as that is the age when people can decide for themselves. Until then, we will decide for her. I fundamentally disagree. Firstly it is definitely possible for a child to be vegetarian and healthy and it is possible for a child to know if she wants to eat meat a lot younger than 18. The idea that a teen-ager has no capacity to make sensible choices until they are 18 seems ridiculous to me. Of course she will need guidance but I fully expect her to be able to choose things for herself well before the age of 18. Of course this is all theoretical at this point and the issue of whether or not to eat meat may never come up crazy (I know that she could turn out to be a big meat eater and that's her decision- I have plenty of meat eating friends raised by vegetarian parents and vise versa), but there is no way that I could force a child of mine or allow anyone else, including my husband, to force a child of mine to eat meat or fish if she didn't want to. I couldn't even tell her she has to eat meat because it's necessary and healthy for children because I don't believe it. My husband thinks I am too emotional when it comes to anything about vegetarianism and I can't see things logically. It's true that after 30 years of criticism and people questioning my diet (I have traveled a lot and lived in other countries where vegetarianism is not so common) and trying to trick me or persuade me to eat meat, I can be quite sensitive about it. But the fact that my husband, who I thought was understanding and supportive, is now completely dismissing my own experiences makes me so angry and hurt. And how about all the other situations where I think we can and should respect our child's wishes and decisions before she is 18?! Although this is completely hypothetical situation about a child that is yet to be born, I am very concerned that we would disagree so profoundly. Am I being unreasonable?