To think it isn’t ok for a man to call you a little bitch just because he’s gay?

[Rapidmama]

We’ve reclaimed that for our own no? If a woman refers to another women as a biatch or jokes oh you little bitch it does not carry the same weight as a man using that word?

I was called a little bitch yesterday but a man at WORK of all places. According to other office staff it’s ok because he’s gay and quite camp and that’s just who he is. I object to being called a bitch by anyone with a cock regardless of where they like to put it.

AIBU?

It's not acceptable from anyone. If you accept it from a female (I don't know any women that call each other bitch) then you can't complain when a male uses the term.

Not appropriate language from ANYONE at work, IMO.

This.

I didn't realise we had "reclaimed" bitch.

I think it is absolutely unacceptable to call someone that word.

Id really like to listen to the conversation with HR when you explain that he can't use that word because he is a man but women in the office are still allowed to call each other bitch.

YABU.

In the first instance, I was unable to understand what the colleague's sexuality has to do with anything. Your update makes it a little clearer: the word 'bitch' is apparently quite acceptable when used by females to females, as long as it's done in 'humour' (there's that word/excuse again). If a man uses it, it's just not critic. And if a camp man uses it, he's overstepping someone else's tacitly-drawn gender boundaries (and expected to know where and what these are).

Time for your workplace to redraw these boundaries in such a way that they can't be misinterpreted. The word 'bitch' is a misogynistic, discriminatory term against women that doesn't stop being misogynistic and discriminatory depending upon who's using it. Likewise, unwritten rules as to who is 'allowed' to use that word based on their gender and sexuality is equally discriminatory.

Either the word 'bitch' is derogatory, misogynistic language that is unacceptable in any workplace (my stance). Or it isn't. Pick one.

I might expect it from a very close friend as a joke but regardless of gender, I wouldn’t expect it from anyone else, especially at work.
I would ask him how he’d feel if you called him a bitch and see what he says.

Not 'cricket', that should read, not 'not critic!'

Not ok. His sexuality is irrelevant and I sometimes see this as a general excuse for how some gay men behave towards women.

Actually DD (11) was called this by a bit at school this week. Apparently the delightful chap only ever uses offensive words towards girls. He's going to be lovely as an adult

Screaming when I first read your post I saw"anyone who has a cook"!

Might be in the minority here but I think YABU.

To say that women within your workplace could use it and you wouldn't bat an eyelid but if a male colleague did so in the same joke manner it would bother you is bizarre.
If it's 'that sort of work place' it's quite clear he thought it was acceptable to use, it's quite easy to see how somebody would think that's acceptable.

You don't get to dictate who gets to use to word bitch in a joke manner if you all think it's acceptable in work in the first place. Yes men use it to put down women but I've heard gay men be referred to as a bitch also.

I’m glad I don’t work somewhere that it’s deemed acceptable to use those kinds of words towards your colleagues. “Bitch” isn’t appropriate for the workplace imo regardless of gender.

It's offensive regardless.

How would he feel if you used a derogatory word against him? He'd probably report you to HR.

Oh and it's #sexnotgender...

I’ve just tried imagining the various gay men of my acquaintance calling me a little bitch. I’m not easily offended, and I can’t imagine being upset being called a little bitch by gay men younger than me, but wouldn’t like it from an older colleague.

Having said that, I don’t think it’s ideal workplace language from anyone, male or female, gay or otherwise. If I heard one of my colleagues using that kind of language I’d probably have something to say about it - not because of feeling offended but because I don’t think it’s conducive to maintaining a professional environment. For context, many of my colleagues swear a lot, but at situations rather than at other people.

Sexuality has got NOTHING to do with this by the way. I don't get why it's used as an excuse/justification.

What crazypepperrmint said.

If you have HR I would report it. And even if he doesn't use it to you, him using it to someone else is "bullying" you as you have to witness it.
And to be honest you should all stop using the word - if I was there as an outsider I would be offended and your reputation would be damaged. I can think of few areas where it could really be "got away with" and none where it is acceptable.

We have reclaimed the word bitch? Erm I don't think so. To reclaim something doesn't it need to have been yours in the first place?

Bitch cow dog pig. Etc. When men want to insult men they use insults implying they are gay, can't get a woman to fuck, or insult a woman close to them. When men insult women they tend to compare us to animals. This shows a hierarchy.

Why on earth would we want to call ourselves bitches?

So I say to my 10yo dd hello you little bitch. Erm no thanks.

Tbh if I was ok with women calling me a little bitch in the workplace, if a gay man used it, it would be in the same vein, so shouldn’t insult in any way. It wasn’t insulting to you for a woman to say it, so why a man. The words “little bitch” aren’t meant or taken as insults. So why think of them as insults just because a gay man has said them. You are being massively unreasonable.

It’s never acceptable to call someone else a bitch, no matter what genials they have.

Or genitals!

@MollyButton
Do you believe that everyone who as used this word in the same joke context in that workplace be reported to HR also?

If you have HR I would report it.

Then she needs to report every person that uses the term. If not, all HR will see is a gay male being singled out. It will be the OP on a disciplinary for discrimination.

I don't like anyone using that term with me, male or female.

If he tries it again I'd give him the death stare without smiling and say 'I beg your pardon??'

I say that as someone with loads of male gay friends- none of them ever speak to people like that. It's not a gay thing, it's a douchebag thing.