To be seriously miffed at nursery?

[User09201224]

Little one has started nursery again recently, 16mo. He's been before and all very positive. There seems to be a big shuffle round of staff and a big influx of kids with it being September. DS started with a snotty nose two days ago, nothing major. Not sure if teething or a cold. Sent him in today and mentioned he was snotty, needed Calpol and to phone me if he needed to come home (he had a really bad fever with his last lot of teeth that wouldn't come down). I called at lunch time and told he was absolutely fine.

Come pick up time he seems happy enough, if not sleepy as he never sleeps well there. After a cuddle I immediately noticed he had started with conjunctivitis (he'd rubbed snot in his eye last night. I'd washed it out and all seemed fine this morning although I was in a rush). He was also absolutely caked in snot. No exaggeration. It was all down the side of his face, dried on. And on both his hands.

I appreciate they're all snotty and you can't keep them immaculate etc etc but I felt genuinely embarrassed taking him to the doctors this evening. Nevermind embarrassment, I just think how rubbish I'd feel to be caked in snot all day (there was no easy this was only an hour's worth).

Managed to get an appointment this evening thanks to the lovely GP receptionist and only made it to the pharmacy with 3 minutes to spare before it shut. So very lucky we got some eye drops. But we did, so no harm done really.

I just can't quite believe that people who are trained and around kids all day did not notice conjunctivitis. I questioned it and they said they hadn't noticed. I said to them repeatedly this morning and on the phone at lunchtime (I know, I'm too precious, hence me needing a head wobble) to just call me if he needs to come home, never mind needing to see a doctor.

The being caked in snot has tipped me over the edge though.

In addition with all the staff changes he's not had some bottles which has lead to more wake-ups at night. I'm very tired and just ergh. (There is a reason for so many bottles at his age).

So, should I say something to nursery or am I a grumpy sleep deprived overly precious mare?

@coldcottage he shouldn't be on that many at all no. But he seems to need it. If he doesn't have it he's up in the night for it. There's nothing to him either. Eats well. Only just got teeth though so has struggled with meats so I've been worried about his calcium intake and have just continued as we are until I speak to someone about it all. He does seem to be dropping his afternoon one himself, and I am totally okay with him doing it himself. Plus if he were on cow's milk he'd be having two cups a day anyway. But yes, it does need to reduce.

@Sweetooth92 nursery have been told about his bottles and I speak to them regularly about his intake. The other day he wasn't give a single one, Tuesday he wasn't given his afternoon one (which afterwards I did say to them he seemed to be dropping it so just offer a smaller one and it's not an issue if he doesn't want it) but then today he's not been given his morning one. They know what he has, I speak to them regularly about it. I don't think it's too hard really. Plus there are children from 6 months in that room so not like they're not doing bottles for other kids.

Honestly look for a good childminder- DS went to two nurseries they were bloody rubbish. I wanted a nursery for the same reasons you said but the kids are just treated as numbers, high staff turnover and minimum of basic care from miserable staff.

We found a great childminder was like home from home. Did loads with them. Had time for all of them. His behaviour changed overnight also.

I’d be bit miffed that they didn’t find time to wipe the snot away but I wouldn’t be fussed by the rest.

I think the bottles/sleep correlation is just co-incidence.

Also teething doesn’t cause a fever- if your child’s fever isn’t being rectified by calpol please get your child looked at by a dr, so many professional warnings about this due to parents thinking their child’s fever was down to teething when it wasn’t and missing illnesses, it’s not good.

If your child needs Calpol, your child should not be in nursery.
Maybe it’s not conjunctivitis but his cold coming out through his eyes?
BUT if my child was covered in snot more than once.....that’s neglectful care and I would make a complaint and remove my child.

The teeth thing is a bug bear too. Babies don’t need teeth to eat, their saliva is different to ours and they don’t have any issues with sucking food to break it down.

The final teeth are the chewing teeth, children are weaned and eating fine waaay before those.

If he’s eating and managing everything else, there’s no reason you can’t give meat a go?

(Just saying!)

@jellybeansincognito does it not? I've never heard anything otherwise. In that case he must have had a bug at the same time as growing two teeth bless him. I'm miffed about the bottles because that's his feeding routine. Whether they agree with it or not, that's what he eats. He's not obese. He eats everything else they give him. Yes he shouldn't be on that much but there we are.

We do give him meats he just struggles with them.

Also what? He drinks a lot of milk but because he’s not eating meat you’re worried about his calcium intake?

I used nurseries for my DC (many years ago now). If something does not seem right then raise it with them and be prepared to follow your instinct and change nurseries if things don’t improve (we did - stressful at the time but so worth making the change). Some childminders or nannies can be fab - others not so good. Same with nurseries. Hope it all works out for you.

@Jellybeansincognito I'm worried that with his lack of teeth he's not getting enough protein. I'm worried with his lactose intolerance he's not getting enough calcium. Apologies for being a first time mum trying to do my best. I'm unsure who's rattled your cage today but no need to be condescending. We've all been first timers before.

@Sleepsoon7 your probably right there with regards to nurseries and childminders both having good and bad ones. I loved this one and have only heard good things about it too. I may go have a nosey around some others if things don't improve.

What would be a typical day food wise?

DD is 14 months and needs three big meals with snacks. She has the occasional breastfeed but hasn’t had anything at nursery since she started at 11 months.

I’d be absolutely livid collecting your little one in that state. I would say something. It’s totally okay to flag these things up ( I’m quite a reserved person but not when it comes to DD). Nursery sent her home in a dirty nappy a few times, I spoke to them about it right away and it hasn’t happened since.

DD has gone with conjunctivitis before (a really bad case actually) and they have been great looking after her. I’d chat to them and consider finding a new nursery if you’re not happy with him there anymore.

I didn’t read where you said he was lactose intolerant, which is why I asked for you to explain.

I’m not trying to be condescending, you’re condescending yourself by blaming your worries on being a FTM.
Believe me, having a second/ third or 4th child doesn’t magically fill you with more knowledge.

All babies are different, you’re right to be mad that they’re not listening to you, or cleaning your child.

Food wise he eats well. Breakfast is honey on toast or porridge with fruit puree followed by fruit. Lunch tends to be spaghetti on toast, avocado, humous, breadsticks, pasta and cheese with brocolli, carrots, tomatoes. That sort of thing and then tea he eats what we're having as I make sure it's lactose free or make him a lactose free version.

That's it, it's when it's your child you feel it's not the standard of care you'd give them. And today wasn't even close to that standard of care. I don't think today is grounds to remove him, but certainly to raise it and keep a close eye.

If you are giving him breast milk in a bottle, this is good for conjunctivitis, put some on a cotton pad and wipe the eye from inside corner outwards. Being a first time mum is hard, but it does get better I promise. As long as you little one is fed and happy, then don’t worry. Xx

I used to work in nursery and it is impossible to keep then all shot free all the time. With the conjunctivitis that comes on really quickly sometimes and nursery nurses are not medical professionals. Of course the doctor noticed straight away, he's a doctor seeing one child, not a nursery nurse with many other children.
I would say about bottles but perhaps they think they are doing you a favour by weaning him off the bottles. Despite saying that though if you are not happy don't send him there. Nurseries aren't cheap and if you feel they're failing in their duty of care then maybe it's time to consider another nursery. Do you have any other nurseries near?

@Jellybeansincognito apologies but your third post seemed it. I have never done this before, let along lactose intolerance thrown in. Then a sprinkle of anxiety. Perhaps it is an injustice to blame it on that but I figured once you've kept one child alive you feel more confident the second time around. Sorry for being a bit of an arse though.

OP i get where you're coming from but i think its a 2 way street. You know he'd had a bit of a problem with his eye yesterday and although you think it was OK this morning, you accept you were in a rush. You dont say that you mentioned it to the staff at drop off, didnt ask them to keep an eye on it. You do apparently expect them to mention it to you

Dont get me wrong, I've been guilty of sending a child to nursery when they're not 100% on occasion if i've needed to be at work & cant take a day off, but i wouldnt criticise a nursery then for failing to tell me my child was sick when i kinda already knew that.

Some people just don’t notice or care if a kid is covered in snot. A few days ago I saw a mum carrying a little girl whose snot covered her top lip and was running into her mouth. The mother seemed oblivious and did nothing. So if the mother doesn’t even wipe her own child, I can see how (if her job was nursery worker) she wouldn’t wipe the kids in her care either. Because she obviously thinks it’s fine.

FWIW I’m one of those mums who wants my child to be as clean and comfortable as I’d expect to be myself. I don’t like him to eat things I wouldn’t eat myself, or touch things I wouldn’t touch myself. But some parents aren’t bothered. I’d point it out to the nursery and see if they improve.

No it’s fine, I’m sorry I seemed to be an arse when that wasn’t my intention, just confusion!

You’re a first time mum with every new child, it doesn’t get any easier (I don’t think anyway!).
Don’t distrust yourself because you’re a first time mum!

You keep talking to them and they’re ignoring you, if anything this is the most serious part. They’re ignoring your requests and concerns and that is never ok. You’re paying them for a service, and you’re giving them parental trust- they’re not looking after him correctly and that in itself is a good enough reason to say no, I’m pulling him.

But in your case today how many staff noticed - or rather didn’t notice - that he was covered in snot and had conjunctivitis? So no accountability. What gives you confidence that none of them will lose the rag at him?

Exactly! What a ridiculous comment. A recent high profile case shows just what can happen in a nursery with others around.

@africa2go his eye wasn't a problem. He'd rubbed snot in it last night so I wiped it away and said to DP if I don't do it he'll get conjunctivitis. It looked fine this morning so didn't think it needed mentioning.

The thing that would worry me is that they don't seem to be listening to you about your childs needs. You told them about the bottle(s) he needs but it seems they either forget or are too busy and then this issue with being covered in snot. They said he was fine on the phone when you called so it was something they had on their radar and I would have thought in the interest of not spreading germs they would have cleaned him up and made him feel comfortable, poor little mite.

@Jellybeansincognito no don't worry. I'm sleep deprived and new pill is making me extra ratty! My fault entirely. Although I've never thought about it like that before. They're all different and no one method works. Maybe I'll start owning being a first time mum a bit more! I think I need to spell it out with his feeds, but I'm hoping once I've spoken to the paediatrician next week they'll be able to put my mind at ease and I can start reducing because I am so over bottles.

To the pp who said about breast milk, I wish I was still breastfeeding but unfortunately not. He's on LF formula.

That sounds like a decent amount of food does he have snacks too? DD would have something similar to what you’ve said and then loads of extra fruit/ savoury biscuits. Lunch is probably her biggest meal usually a sandwich (ham/ chicken/ tuna) with loads of cucumber sticks, peppers, and a yogurt, oat bars etc.. If she’s being fussy I must admit I am quite lenient and give her something I know she will eat to make sure she is full. She’s a tiny little thing but the most hyperactive baby ever so I basically spend my day trying to fill her up!

Anyways I’m sure the weaning will click soon.

Hope nursery improves for you! It’s so hard to leave them in the first place, and good nursery’s can be hard to find.