Ndn funnies, tell me I'm not the only one lol.

[DrinkTaboo]

Hi all,

I was reading a thread on here about the house that won't sell and the OP has said her ndn are a big messy, to put it nicely lol.

This made me think back to when years ago, my ndn knocked on my door to ask me to not park my car on the street in daylight (outside our houses) as it was 'lowing the tone' and a "bloody eyesore". I laughed my head off as I thought it was really funny (not sure why looking back), he did not laugh and that was the start of the end.

So I have come to ask you if you have ever had a ndn request something that made you laugh but they were being deadly serious?

Last NDN was a batshit . She was a housebound middle aged woman who was clearly a little lonely. Started out with a letter to welcome me to the street where she’d written the last paragraph from her cat. Layout of the property meant our doors were side by side so every time she heard me leave she’d lift her buzzer and invite me in. Didn’t realise how bad sound proofing was until me an DP had been DTD and she shouted me in over the buzzer the next morning to tell me she’d heard us and gotten quite excited and did I have any recommendations on where she could get a vibrator from 😳

My neighbour knocked the door to ask us to stop cooking onions as he thought he could smell them in his garden

I live in Mexico City and was just up before a magistrate yesterday because I swore at the lady who lives underneath me. The magistrate explained that we should each take a turn to talk. I apologised to the neighbour and explained myself then it was my neighbour's turn. She explained that I had taken against ever since she was removed a (load-bearing) wall. That it was none of my business what she did in her own home. That I had said that the building would fall down in an earthquake because of her actions but the proof of the pudding was that the building hadn't fallen down in the earthquake. Then she proceeded to complain that she wanted the building to be demolished and I didn't. I just let her talk.

My neighbour came ground to complain that there were 2 crows sitting on the roof of my house squawking loudly and he could hear them early in the morning when he’d just come off night shift and was trying to sleep.

I asked what he wanted me to do and he shouted “just make them stop” and stormed off.

I don't know about this being funny but our NDN walks around naked with the curtains open and the lights on. He think he looks sexy with his shaved head, muscles and tattoos but he looks like a prat to me

Previous house NDN, sent a note and a leaflet trying to recruit us to MLM, and their church before we had even properly moved in.
Ended the very bizarre note with, please don’t throw the leaflet away, it will allow the devil to enter you.

My neighbours are all lovely :) but one of them is a bit odd, he lives alone and I took him some Christmas dinner on Christmas Day as he was spending it alone, he's about 40? He asked me to take him to work with me when his car broke down and he had an appointment at the hospital I work at, bless him his appointment was at like 10am and We had to leave at 6.30 as I start at 8..He's lovely, but he spends all his time fixing his car and making stuff in his basement and if you get him talking he doesn't shut up! Conversation we had the other day

Me... hi! How're you doing? What're you making today then?

Him.. oh just stuff for carp fishing, you know gap in the market type thing, thing to keep carp fish in the pond, and land to air missiles, and something to keep carp healthy

Me.. I'm sorry.. Missiles?

Him.. yeah there's a gap in the market where carp is involved

Me.. no you said you were making missiles in your house

Him.. oh yeah the government are outsourcing their arms manufacturing so I'm helping them out..

Me.. right.. erm are you sure because you know this is the Peak District..

Another neighbour did a naked pregnancy photo shoot with professional light thing so the only reason we noticed was because the flash was so bright it lit up our front room from over the street.

My former NDN knocked on my door to ask me to close my door more quietly when I went to work in the morning. I told her to get a life, and she got her mummy to come over and tell me off.

My ndn caught me winding her dog up over the fence the other day.

I was saying his name in a low grumbly voice, I don’t even know why I just felt like it

At least the cat annoying the dogs common 😂.

My cat in all fairness does annoy the living crap out of anything it can.. but apparently it’s made his dog manic, no sir your dog is barking at twat cat who is dancing about the outside of his kennel if you stopped feeding twat cat he would leave.

I must look like the weird neighbour, the cat also rides on or in the basket of the pram with ds to get dropped off at the woodland walk path 😂.. he always jumps out there chases me miaowing if I dare leave without him. So usually their view is me swearing at a cat to hurry up n get in till I get out.

Other strange neighbour steals anything we leave outside.. I mean anything, plant pots, roof tiles that don’t match his, a locked pad lock and an old storage box.. I really wonder if he looked in the first nappy sack out for collection.

We took some guttering down and she knocked and said it made her washing machine stop working so could I put it back.
She claimed her toilet wouldn’t fill up because of us and can we go around to fix it, I said no to both stupid requests!
I try to avoid her!!

Sometimes it's the animals that are more bonkers than the neighbours.
My dog for example, is in love with the dog next door. As soon as I let him out he goes straight to the fence looking for her and sits looking all sad with little whines if she isn't.
If she's there, they rub noses through a small gap like a pair of bloody Eskimos. 🤣

Had some weird neighbours a few houses ago. They knocked on the door the day I moved in, introduced themselves, and then said (without any preamble) they hoped I didn't wear heavy shoes as they didn't like hearing people walking about above them. My fist floor maisonette was fully carpeted, and the previous occupiers had 3 children, so how they think a single working woman could make more noise than that, I don't know.
A few days later they invited me in for a cuppa. "Come and look at my husband's organ " she said. I felt a bit nervous. However, in their sitting room they did indeed have an enormous organ. They only invited me in really to let me know that he would be playing on it regularly and making a racket. Rather paled into insignificance against overhead footsteps.
They barely spoke to me again after I had a long and noisy sex session with a boyfriend, and left the window overlooking their garden open (deliberately, as retribution for his organ sessions). In fact they could barely look me in the face!
I sold it after living there for a year.

When I was growing up, we had an old lady who lived next door to us. She was a proper curtain twitcher, she probably had a notebook and pen too.
She was paranoid about being burgled and her home was like a prison with the amount of locks and bolts on the door.
Every time she went to the dustbin, she would unlock all the locks and bolts ( we counted them as she unlocked them one day, there were 16 of them ) then she would step out, relock everything, walk 2 yards to the bin then return to the door and repeat step one.
She told my mum that one day, while she went to her dustbin, someone had gone in and stolen some money from a tin that was hidden in her wardrobe.
The fact that Billy Burglar would have to undo 16 locks and bolts, relock them, go upstairs, know exactly where the money was, take it, go back downstairs, undo 16 locks and bolts, lock them after himself and walk past her is neither here nor there 🤣
No, she didn't have dementia, just paranoia.

When we lived in a flat, our upstairs neighbour called the police on us at 3am for a domestic disturbance. It had started a few weeks earlier when she pushed a note through the letterbox that we were being too noisy when we were “trying to make a baby” and that her radio has to be on to drown us out. We’d had sex the night before so we were mortified. DH went upstairs and apologised profusely and we promised to keep it down. We’d been living there for years by the way and never had any issues. About 10 days later, we got another note. This time saying she was aware her radio was very loud and we were banging to turn it down but we were again being too noisy when “trying for a baby”. Could we please “try for a baby” before she went to sleep at 2am. We both work regular office hours, full time, so we’re not having sex anytime after 11pm. Even on a weekend. Aside from that, we hadn’t had sex since the last note for a few reasons. So no idea what she was hearing. I went upstairs and explained we’d not had sex for the last few days. Gave her the graphic detail, I’d had my period and then there’d been a bout of stomach bug. She told me she could hear DH yelling to me that he was going to put a baby in me, hopefully this time will give me a baby and all the dirty things he wanted to do to me, things so dirty it made even her blush. I told her that we were definitely not trying for a baby and when we did have sex we were preventing pregnancy. We couldn’t even hear her radio and we were asleep by 10/11pm. She wondered which neighbour was having all this wild sex and we debated the possibilities (mainly her) and she apologised.

Then a few nights later, the police were banging on our door at 3am and shining their torch through the windows (ground floor flat). Answered the door to the police and they asked if they’d woken us up. “Well, yeh, it is 3am. What the hell has happened?” The police say they’ve had reports from a concerned citizen about a domestic disturbance. I glare at the police, DH is still trying to wake up and is not really useful. To top the humiliation mountain we’re on, one of the officers recognises DH because they bloody went to school together! Anyway the police eventually agree that obviously nothing has been going on from our flat. They couldn’t hear anything else outside either and apologised for disturbing our sleep.

A few weeks later, I heard a loud clatter and a pained cry from upstairs. So I went upstairs to check she was ok and she did tell me that she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and apologised for all that “business”. I was just happy we were planning on moving. It’s funny now but at the time it was initially mortifying and then got progressively scarier as she heard things that weren’t happening.

Oooh which thread was that ? just in case it's me, as my next doorbut one has been up for sale for ages, next door for a while, though the sign was taken down and now the other next door is up for sale ..

My NDN asked if they cut cut bits off my tree as a hearse was coming and they wanted lots of room for it it didnt need it

When my children were little my NDN knocked on the door one day and asked if I'd be home on Friday night. I thought she needed me to take a parcel in or something, so said Yes. Turned out a friend was visiting, they wanted to go out drinking, and as I was next door I could keep popping in! They'd be back by 11 and her three would be asleep, she said. All three were awake and bellowing when she left :( "They'll settle". They didn't. I was in and out of her house like a yo yo, leaving mine alone every time. She and friend rolled back at 2am, and I finally got to go to bed and relax.

Next day she rang the doorbell, I thought "Ah, here come the apologies". Nope. "Are you in tonight?" I said No, sorry I'll be out. "Ah that's a pity, it worked so well last night."

My daughter was playing in the garden one day, with her 'pet snail' she'd rescued from somewhere. NDN's little girl came around, and when she was shown the pet snail she immediately stamped on it. I mentioned it to the mother as I thought she'd like to have a little chat with the girl about respect for animals. An hour later she turned up at my door with the girl, shook her, and told her to say sorry. The girl said no. She shook her again and again, shrieking at her to apologise, until finally the little girl sobbed that she was sorry. The mother glared at me and said "Satisfied? I hope you're proud of yourself now" and stamped off. 😳😳😳

Me and NDN have an ongoing issue over a bloody bath towel. It IS my towel but she insists it's hers and every time I hang it out to dry it disappears from my washing line. It will reappear a few days later on her washing line, so we hop over the wall to retrieve it.

This has been going on for almost a year 😂

Loving the neighbour stories...especially the funny ones.

If I'm honest I am probably one of the 'nutty' neighbours as I do lots of random projects that no one with one iota of sense would ever take on themselves but I like and am not too bad at making gates, laying drives and creating built in storage by now (am considerate and no early morning/late night stuff).

But we had one neighbour who was even more barking than me. We moved house in the middle of winter and on the very first day, while furniture was still being unloaded a neighbour let himself in the open door and wandered through the house until he found me. His excuse was that he'd been friendly with a previous owner and they used to let him in.

Anyway his reason for turning up that day was to inform me that i needed to cut the grass outside my rear fence, next to a road, because he didn't want dandelion seeds blowing into his garden and taking root. Now I would have had to take the lawnmower out my front gate, down the street I liv on before turning into his road, pushing the mower in front of my, until I reached the tiny strip of grass that wasn't even mine. His house was directly opposite the strip, just the other side of the narrow road. We nicknamed him 'Dandelion' after that and when I saw a local artist selling brilliant pictures of dandelions at various stages I couldn't resist and it's up in our house as a reminder of our nutty neighbour.

He took to regularly turning up at our front door and when one of my teenagers would answer it, he would breeze pass them and attempt to wander around to see what changes we made. The last straw for me was one day when I found him in my sitting room leering at my daughter and her friend....at that point I'd had enough, he was no longer just amusing and bonkers, so I ran him from the house and our front garden. He hasn't attempted anything since then.

@ASimpleLampoon I think that one’s not so odd actually! It’s hardly a big ask and could make a lot of difference.

Our neighbours opposite have recently shown their true colours. My husband is disabled and recently applied for a disabled parking space outside our house. It was turned down as one of the neighbours objected. The reason he needs it is because people often park outside the house and he finds it difficult to reach the house from any distance. We didn't know which neighbours complained.
My husband has now enlisted the support of the three local councillors and it looks like he will get the disabled space.
He spoke to the neighbours, who were fine about it, apart from the guy opposite who went ballistic, asking my husband why the fuck he needs a special space (he uses a wheelchair), and how sick he is of disabled people getting everything handed to them for free. Ranted on at my husband for not working (he retired at 59 because of his disability), and said he will park in the space if he needs to. I think he'll find his nice shiny BMW gets keyed if he does

LittleLongDog
ASimpleLampoon I think that one’s not so odd actually! It’s hardly a big ask and could make a lot of difference.

Agree with you. What's the big deal about closing your door quietly?

Our first house was on a hillside and a sloping road, there was a waist high wall around a raised patio. Next door bred salukis and they had a large outdoor area, the top of which was level with our wall. Our cat would lie along the wall doing nothing and their salulkis would go crazy, the came round regularly to ask us to stop him lying there! They threatened to sue us for the damage caused to their highly-strung neurotic dogs.
Years later and a different cat, he would lie under a hedge and leap out when a particular dog came by, the owner started to cross the road before getting to our house.

Cats are bastards 😂