Ndn funnies, tell me I'm not the only one lol.

[DrinkTaboo]

Hi all,

I was reading a thread on here about the house that won't sell and the OP has said her ndn are a big messy, to put it nicely lol.

This made me think back to when years ago, my ndn knocked on my door to ask me to not park my car on the street in daylight (outside our houses) as it was 'lowing the tone' and a "bloody eyesore". I laughed my head off as I thought it was really funny (not sure why looking back), he did not laugh and that was the start of the end.

So I have come to ask you if you have ever had a ndn request something that made you laugh but they were being deadly serious?

A neighbour would phone my dad and ask him to come over and poo off her dog's bum.

It's said that every street has one weird neighbour in it.

But I don't think that can be true because all my neighbours are fine.

@PigletJohn

PigletJohn 😂😂😂

We’d gone away a few weeks ago to my in laws who live 190 miles from us so we where gone a few days
When we got home next door but one came out shrieking at us for egging another neighbours car (not hers)
She knew it was us as she’d seen me take a tray of eggs in about a fortnight before (yes was doing some baking for work/friends child) and because of that she just knew it was me!
I wasn’t even at home!
She now refuses to look at me if we see her in the street which suits me just fine!

At our old house, I caught my 50 something, male lawyer NDN screeching Justin Bieber whilst he was having a shower. We made eye contact out of his bathroom window. Didn't speak to me again.

Woman next door won't talk to me. She actively turns her head away. We even had a rather amusing situation where she got on a bus and the last seat was next to me. I play along, now, so didn't acknowledge her, either, though sometimes I say good morning to piss her off. Finds any and every excuse to talk to DH if he's in the garden, though!

My NDN complained that the vehicle we had parked on our driveway, outside our house, in no way near or in the way of their house was not what they'd expect to see (if they walked out of their house, round the corner and basically going well out of their way to look). We live in a very rural area, surrounded by fields and we had a horsebox on our property well out of sight. They told another neighbour that the boat on their driveway was probably increasing the value of everybody's properties. Basically snobby nutters. xxxx

When I was a child, the ndn came round to complain to my mum that I'd swapped round all the identical black socks on the washing line. I was about 8. He could also be heard shouting at his children "Eat your dinner or the devil will get you!" Poor kids.

I want to ask my neighbour to clean her cat shit up. It shits in the boarders and it really annoys me.

I am worried that I might end up on this thread though.

My neighbour came round and insisted we cut our front lawn as it was lowering the tone of the road. When I said it was being dug up next week so I didn't see the point in wanting time cutting it now, they got quite upset and offered to do it for us . I declined their offer, and they've just got weirder over the years so we barely speak to them now.

At the time of 'lawngate' we'd only been living there for 2-3 weeks and the estate agent had arranged for it to be mown the day we moved in so it was barely 4 inches high (hardly overgrown!).

*wasting time, not wanting, lol.

When I was a kid my parents got a knock on the door from the grumpy gits next door to say me and my siblings were laughing too loudly in the garden. Kids!! Laughing too loud! Fortunately we moved away from the worlds most miserable bastards.

It was also November, so hardly the time for grass to grow really quickly!

My (outwardly normal) NDNs asked us to please redirect the flight path of the native bats in our area, as they were defecating on their fancy paved driveway. The bats seemed to be heading from overhead their house to overhead ours. So the problem was ours. And we needed to reimburse them $$$ for the ‘bat repelling sonar machine’ they’d bought that didn’t work.

I said ‘Happy to help. Native bats don’t have sonar. The neighbourhood is full of native trees which are the food source for native bats. Here’s the phone number of the Dept of Environment so you can explain why they should immediately cull all native vegetation and wildlife. Hope that helps. Byeeeeeee!’

Proud to say my NDN are technically (as well as metaphorically) batshit.

Had a lovely neighbour many years ago who knocked on my door to discuss the ley lines that she felt was running through her and my daughter’s bedrooms. She also felt that the reason that she was utterly exhausted every morning and that she suffered from so many ailments was because of her nightly alien abductions. She was a very lovely lady but maybe a little detached from reality.

@Tillygetsit when I was about 6/7 a neighbour complained to my mum that I had made a bite mark in every apple in her fruit bowl. I had never been in her house, she claimed I snuck in during the night to do it. My mum called her a shithead (I had never heard her swear before). Crazy nemesis even got a lawyer to send a legal letter about Applegate. Her nickname was Psycho.

Mine asked if I would squeeze between our garden trellis and her conservatory (built after my trellis had been there years) to brush the leaves off of the windowsill??? The space was about 10cm wide (I'm not petite or huge but come on!) and full of spiders webs and god knows what else :-/

I sent out dh who stuck his hand through the gaps and pushed a few off which seemed to appease her 🤦🏻‍♀️

My ndn once gave me a lift, which was nice but I didn’t realise the significance of.
A few days after this he suggested that as I was single I would probably like to have sex with him, preferably on a regular basis.
I reminded him that he was not single- his wife was only a few feet away. He said he’d already arranged it with her!
Things were a bit awkward after that.

I was working on some heel work with my dog. I’d been in hospital and other people had walked him on extendable leads for a few weeks, so he’d lost his short lead walking skills somewhat. I was turning and walking in the opposite direction every time he pulled away from me. The neighbours called the police to say I was walking back and forth with my dog! Police weren’t interested, luckily.

@Yourostar

Please tell me you did it anyway?! You surely didn't need her permission?!

Bush lady as she is now known. Rested at my DH for parking in front of the bushes next to her house and told him that street parking is illegal. Btw everyone on our street parks on the street at one time or another.
She also ran out to confront my MIL about parking in front of the bushes to which I believe my MIL just laughed and thought she was joking.
She can’t actually see them from her house btw because it’s on the other side of her garden fence...

Just remembered ndn before this house. Knocked on our door at around 6pm asking for my DH to give him a lift to the shop, which was 2 minutes walk away and he 100% could walk that far. I said no, DH has given him a lift before somewhere he was already going but I thought that was taking the piss.

Years ago my then ndn invited her son in law to sleep at their house in the daytime as he was on a week of night shifts. The reason being it was the school holidays and his neighbours 3 children played in the garden and disturbed his sleep. I found this out on the first day he slept next door when she phoned up and demanded I stop my 10 year old daughter playing in our garden with our dog (our dog wasn't barky). I think even her son in law saw the lunacy in that and slept at home the rest of the week (probably to escape the MIL who controlled all their lives!)

The first time I pegged my laundry out at my new home, the lady next door came out and asked that I didn't peg my underwear out because it might get her husband excited!
She was 89 and he was 96! 😂