To burn everything he has ever owned?

[whattonearth]

I’ve just found out my “DH” of 21 years has been having many one night stands and what appears to be a 12 month affair with men . I’m not sure why the gender of the other parties are important but it I feel it is relevant.
At 43 years of age and 23 years of being with a woman you’d think he should be pretty certain of what he’s attracted to?
We have/had (I thought) the relationship most people wish for. Clearly not.
Obviously I’m not going to burn his belongings but he feels I’m ‘unreasonable ‘ for telling him to fuck off and never darken the doorstep again
How the fuck do I even start to process this ? Not to mention the impact on our 4 children

I am so sorry for you,what a shock.
See a solicitor asap and divorce the sausage thief.

I wouldn't destroy his stuff, I'd sell it. Fancy designer suit you say? Oh hello ebay.

Get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Personally I would not cut up his clothes or anything like that - I felt like it when I first found out my ex had been cheating but a friend said a very wise thing to me: revenge is a life well lived, and I go with that. Repair your life and move on, he is the one who has ruined things

I dont see why his parents shouldn't know the reason for the divorce? Why should op cover it up?

They dont need to know sordid details but in the end he was unfaithful and cheated several times on op, she shouldn't hide that from anyone and he certainly shouldn't "get away" with it especially if op isn't to blame.

Same goes for the kids, the marriage is ending because daddy cheated on mummy. Why would you say any different unless the split was a mutual decision for another reason?

Lawyer yourself up pretty quickly
Huge big hugs ❤️

I think the op should be free to tell whoever she chooses and if the kids are 8, 9 or over then yes they can be told age appropriate truth. Because you should not lie to your kids or keep them in the dark.

His family should all be told and the ops friends and family as she chooses.

Agree with all other PP’s who say take him to the cleaners. You have every right to be raging!! Don’t let him dictate how you deal with this, he has no moral standing in this situation that he created with his selfish behaviour!
I hope you’re as well as you can be OP.

Not sure if you know but your post has made it to the daily mail www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7455693/Mum-four-reveals-husband-20-years-cheating-men.html

Just came on to say the same thing, daily mail had printed your thread. Hope you're ok. X

Can you put chili powder in all his underpants before you pack up his stuff?

whatonearth So sorry you are going through this. I was also unknowingly a 'beard' for 30 years. There are more of us than you'd believe. Happy to talk via DM.

so this thread is in the daily mail

Mumsnet: could I suggest that unless you are selling these threads (and I suspect that you may be) you adopt a policy of automatically deleting any thread that appears in the daily mail

My heart breaks for you 😢
I was married for 24 years and thought I had a pretty perfect marriage. Last year I discovered that my husband had been leading a secret life for over THREE YEARS, regularly visiting a gay bathhouse and having not just one on one sex with men but taking part in group male orgies too.
Our sex life had always been fabulous so this all came as a huge shock!
I also had to go through the embarrassment of STI testing as he’d been having unprotected sex with me during this whole time! Such a disgusting, unforgivable betrayal. How dare he treat you in this way, you deserve so much more.

@15thOctober2019
I always think if a story makes it to the paper then it was the journo that started it here in the first place...

I have nothing to offer info-wise, but Grace and Frankie is a hilarious tv show that deals with this if you ever get to the point of being able to laugh about it. I am really sorry this cruel and shocking thing has happened to you (and your kids).

being able to laugh about it

Oh yeah, that's going to happen

@15thOctober2019 you sound like a smug cynic.

if you ever get to the point of being able to laugh about it.

After 10 years I've still not got that point. I hate Grace and Frankie with a passion because they make the whole awful situation even worse by making a joke of it.

The sex of his affair partners makes absolutely no difference. He's been unfaithful. He's a shit.

Sorry what a load of shite!!!!!!! To think your husband is straight for 23 years and find out he’s actually into men is a lot worse than if it was another woman. Any gender is horrendous but this is an extra blow!