AIBU to think my MIL was out of line?!

[Crimsonpetalandthewhite]

I usually have a great relationship with my MIL, but she made a comment tonight that has really got my back up.

So not to drip feed, we are having a baby boy whose due in 2 weeks, whose first name has been settled in stone since the moment we knew he was a boy. MIL at the time shared quite openly how she hated it etc, but was told by my partner how he was our son and we would name him whatever we chose. Nothing more said. However his middle name hasn’t been easy to settle on for one reason or another, but we have finally agreed. The name we have chosen is actually my mothers surname. My mum isn’t married, and the name would die with her, and she has always expressed she’d love for the name to be carried on, and it seems fitting to me as she’s my best friend and it’s a lovely way to honour her. My partner agreed and that was that.

MIL texted me today asking whether we had picked a middle name yet, so I replied saying yes we did now we had agreed and told her what it was. Instantly I knew she wasn’t happy because she texted back with no kisses, just simply isn’t that a surname? I said yes, explained why I wanted it (not that I should have to justify myself) and she didn’t reply. It’s been radio silence since. Has read the reply but has chosen to ignore me.

Partner comes home from work around an hour ago and said he’s had a massive argument with his mum, about how she has rung ranting how she hates it, it’s a surname, it’s all my family names, and is he being bullied into picking names? Now that’s the comment that got me, is he being bullied? AIBU to think how fucking dare she? He is our son, and we have made decisions together. To say he’s being bullied into picking names has really riled me, especially since it’s such an important family orientated thing for me. It makes me wonder what sort of character she presumes I have. Maybe it’s the hormones from being 38 weeks pregnant but I want to text her a big fat fuck you, but I know that wouldn’t be fair on my partner as he’s stuck in the middle.

What would you do? If I’m being irrational I apologise. But it’s really annoyed/upset me.

Tell MIL that thanks to her feedback you’re going to completely change your mind and call your boy Balonz.

I think parents sometimes struggle when their children have babies as for some it signals a loss of control/influence. The first concrete sign of this can be the name so they go apeshit about it. I guess it’s more common for a man’s mother to go mad, as the baby will be mostly under the influence of the mother ( at least for starters) and she can’t control/influence her as easily as the father. Just ignore it. With my first my MIL threw a hissy as well. It wasn’t so much about the name as it was about control. As soon as she realised that she was getting no where, she found something else to gripe about.

OP, your DP is only in the middle if he chooses to be there.

If he makes it clear that he's not being bullied, that you are a team in deciding for the baby, it reduces her control.

Just be aware that the name may be only the first issue you have with MIL.

She's not going to carry on like this once the baby has arrived.

I have to disagree with this; plenty of MILs who behave badly when their DILs are pregnant continue that behaviour once the baby arrives unless it's shut down the first time, ideally by the DH.

My MIL didn't like the names we gave the DC; they both have middle names from 'my' side, one my Dad and one my favourite Uncle. She refused to tell anyone the DCs names when they were born because she'd had no part in choosing them. Utter fucking nonsense that only got worse with each year.

Surprised you shared the name with her - most people the names secret to avoid precisely this situation.

I admit I did cringe at the "my mum is my best friend" but at the end of the day, it is your choice. Stick to you guns and set boundaries now, otherwise she'll continue like this after the baby is born.

We didn't tell anyone my youngests name until she was here, because we couldn't decide on a name until she was here. We had a few odd looks and comments on it and a few people say they really didn't like it but do you know what, she is ours and nobody else's and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - the same for you and your partner. We did have her middle name sorted quite quickly as our eldest has a family name on her dad's side as her middle name, so I wanted a family name on my side for our youngest.
I was stuck between 2 names and my FIL adamantly refuses to pronounce one of those names correctly - it's not difficult, it's very phonetics, and he's been corrected 100000s of times already whenever he's said it. I chose not to go with that name in the end, not because of him but because actually it didn't really suit her surname, but his reaction to it actually made me want to use it more because I am firmly of the opinion that ONLY the parents get a say nobody else.

*very simple phonetics

Same as pp we didn't tell anyone ds name before birth so noone could form opinions.Shes out of order.

Presumably baby is taking DHs surname so his family have that??

Just ignore. I had this with my DS, I was worried about telling my DM the name we had chosen, as it is rather unusual, I shouldn't have worried as both my DM and DMIL loved the name, it was my DF that hated it, he said he was going to call him Bill instead, I just ignored him. He calls my DS by his name now and has never made another comment about it.
Get your husband to talk to her and tell her that you suggested the name and he agrees, that the only one bullying him is her, this is your sons name and that is that.

I would be tempted to tell her that one more squeak out of her over name choice and you will give the child your mother’s maiden name as his surname: two can play at being top Matriarch!

I would possibly say jokingly “oh, I see you don’t like using a surname as a middle name. Are you thinking it would be best as his actual surname? Great idea!”

@AllNewDay Why would you cringe at the admittance that my mum is my best friend?