To think grown women should be able to read and understand a group whatsapp thread?

[tiggertogger]

Children have all started at preschool. Some mums set up a group whatsapp and suggested a dinner. A date was agreed and one mum asked to enquire with a venue if they had availability.

She came back with saying she'd provisionally booked the restaurant and there was a choice of menus and asking people to confirm and choose which menu. 3 of us answered appropriately, 1 asked for a change in venue, 1 asked for drinks only, everyone else radio silence.

So she said today 'doesn't look like people are keen, I'll cancel' and so far is getting lots of responses 'I'll come" but no one confirming happy with venue or selecting which menu (which was the original question) and the odd responded of 'can we go here', and ' let's just do drinks' Argh, it's so frustrating. I just want to shout, ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU NITWITS but fear I'll make a bad impression. I don't know what she's going to do now as she's no further on and it doesn't seem like these women are capable of answering a simple question.

I'm not made for these groups am I? Tell me it gets better!

@Yabbers I don’t think the radio silence means people aren’t keen, I think it means that people don’t know how to respond. The three that thought the plan was good were happy until the other said they wanted to change the plans and now no one knows how to take the situation forward without being rude/excluding someone/making it all 100 times more difficult.

I’ve made a couple of good friends from this kind of meet ups, so definitely worth going to at least one, to see if you can suss out someone similar to yourself. You might bag a new friend, you might not, if it’s a disaster, just don’t go to the next one.

Eek. Sounds like a mine field. I just want to be friendly to people I'll see over the next 10 years and maybe beyond, maybe find some new friends and make it easy for my girl to have her friends round to play. It shouldn't be this difficult! Appreciate the advice from those who have been there before. I'm really scared now though 😭

I was seen as social sec of the year group and with last school year being our first (reception), I busted my fucking nuts.

Over the summer holidays I didn't see any of them. Decided I only really like one mum (out of 12 so I'm not too bad ) and I'm going to be organising didily squat this year!

Dare one of them to mention it to me.

I still smile in the playground and have other annoying children round but no way am I organising anything ever again

Good god, whatever happened to just meeting up for a coffee??

@Youngandfree even that's not so simple!!

Another vote for doodle!

I just want to shout, ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU NITWITS but fear I'll make a bad impression.
I think it might!!!

Agree, get out of the WhatsApp now. You'll gravitate to those you get on with. Unfortunately, WhatsApp is a stage for the ones that want to be heard, need to show off in some way but with the protection of distance. I understand the want to be friends, hell, I've been there but for no reason (or one I've managed to deduce) the WhatsApp become an arena of bullying.

Invest time in old friends or go and make some non mum friends.

Oh god! Is this a thing now?
I have neither the time nor the money to socialise with actual friends let alone people I don't know!

I have an only child though so need to get some play dates I guess... 😨

I now have a lovely group of mum friends made from school, we have a WhatsApp group and regularly go out and drink too much wine. It’s turned into a good group of friends. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

It's not, it's perfectly normal and fun @BananaPlant

It's only on Mumsnet where the socially anxious and awkward hang out, and where another school Mum interacting with you is looked upon with horror.

Meanwhile, in the real world, people make friends, get together, enjoy each other's company and have a good laugh.

With a group of people it is often the easiest for one person to pick a date and a venue. Should be a place where you work order a trying in advance. While I love a doodle. It should be used maximum to ask an appropriate date and include a deadline. Once the deadline has gone then that's what you work with.

Urgh, I can't stand parent Whatsapp groups. I do it because I have to, because you get reminder that they need to dress down etc, plus pople seem to do party invites on there now. But I'm on two school ones and a brownie one, every day I must have 30-50 messages, mostly guff with people worried about whether little Johnny's wellies will make him stand out too much.

As for parent nights out, I just studiously ignore them....

Oh, and I'm not socially awkard, I love a good night out. I just do too much already and don't have the head space.

Just wait til the day before the meeting, when 90% will come up with an excuse! usually their husbands can't make it home on time. Very frustrating indeed

Phaaahaaaa haaaa, I’m not a bit surprised.. stay well clear of this shit that goes on. Those that didn’t answer.. good on them 😂

Oooermissus.. you really think a group of women yabbering on about their kids is fun ?? Because that’s all they talk about at these “girls” nights out !!

I’d rather a good boogie down the night club 😎 then you don’t have to listen to all their crap.

OooErMissus Wed 11-Sep-19 18:17:27
As others have said, why menus in advance?

Why not? How hard is it to look at a list and pick what you want? This kind of shit infuriates me.

When I organise anything now I decide when and where, let people know, and it's up to them if they want to come. Never again will I pander to people and dates etc. Either come or don't.

Take a deep breath and say nothing or else you'll end up organising stuff!!

Oooermissus.. you really think a group of women yabbering on about their kids is fun ?? Because that’s all they talk about at these “girls” nights out !!

Not at our get-together. Surely, as with any friendship that develops over time, you move on from whatever it might have been that brought you together, get to know each other, and branch out the conversation somewhat..?

I have friends that I met at work places, but we don't spend nights out talking about work...?

How hard is it to look at a list and pick what you want?

Why do you have to look at it in advance?

Why not just pick the menu up when you arrive at the restaurant and decide then? Surely if you're organising a get-together, it's much simpler to simple say - venue, date, time, and let everyone else deal with the morning minutiae.

And if you've vowed never to pander to people and their dates Eliza, why on earth do you want to get involved in their menu choices?!

It is annoying and rude. Some maybe hanging back to see who is going.
Some WhatsApp groups are great and people can say yes or no to dates and venues etc (providing people respond promptly enough and within a reasonable time period).
However, the downside is sometimes these groups can be a PITA. I have a group for DD’s football parents. It’s an absolute nightmare full of drivel and some people message umpteen times a day about nothing and very early in the morning (before 7am on a weekend and after midnight) that I have had to turn off notifications for WhatsApp groups.
Top tip would be drinks only less to organise and no arguments over splitting the bill!!