To think grown women should be able to read and understand a group whatsapp thread?

[tiggertogger]

Children have all started at preschool. Some mums set up a group whatsapp and suggested a dinner. A date was agreed and one mum asked to enquire with a venue if they had availability.

She came back with saying she'd provisionally booked the restaurant and there was a choice of menus and asking people to confirm and choose which menu. 3 of us answered appropriately, 1 asked for a change in venue, 1 asked for drinks only, everyone else radio silence.

So she said today 'doesn't look like people are keen, I'll cancel' and so far is getting lots of responses 'I'll come" but no one confirming happy with venue or selecting which menu (which was the original question) and the odd responded of 'can we go here', and ' let's just do drinks' Argh, it's so frustrating. I just want to shout, ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU NITWITS but fear I'll make a bad impression. I don't know what she's going to do now as she's no further on and it doesn't seem like these women are capable of answering a simple question.

I'm not made for these groups am I? Tell me it gets better!

Dont choose menus in advance. Book a day and a time and ask who can come.

This. I use this strategy with close friends, never mind larger WhatsApp groups 😂

It’s a nightmare ....wait until the bill comes 😂

Start small, go to the pub for drinks. Somewhere where you can order food if you want.

After a couple of those you will see who the people that always come are, and you’ll have also hopefully made fairly good friends with a few.

Then for further meet ups or something more committed than drinks, you organise between this core group where you are going and when and then you put it on the main group to see if anyone else wants to come.

Go to a place for drinks, but somewhere that does bar food.

People who want to eat and can afford it can order food - and share it or not - people who can't afford a meal or are worried about a big shared bill can just order drinks, and order their own at the bar.

Big groups who don't know each other that well cannot be managed into a diner on WhatsApp.

I agree with the hermit option.

It doesn’t sound like they don’t understand- it sounds like they think it’s a crap plan.

Just opt out.

Or hope that Valium isn't on the list of drugs pharmacies cannot get after the Brexit Shitshow.

Organiser picks a pub -- one where you can get a meal or just drink if you prefer. That's the venue, take it or leave it. Do a Doodle for the date.

If someone else particularly wants to go somewhere else they can organise the next one.

Think dinner is too much for a group of people who don't know each other that well.

Better to just book a table in a bar which does good and people can please themselves.

I agree with pp, there’s a lot of you and you don’t really know each other properly and you all have kids - it’s going to be hard to organise anything really never mind a proper meal out. A casual drink is probably as good as it’s gonna get.

God, I hate this shit.

IME it doesn't even have to be a group. I've had plenty of exchanges with one person that go:

Them: shall we get together some time soon?
Me: Yes! How about dinner? I can do either the 15th or the 17th –let me know.
Them: Yes, great!

these groups are really hard work, the poor soul who started it, will soon learn and will lapse into cynical indifference. Best thing to do is just arrange drinks, or maybe a picnic? Some people don't have much money and will we wary of getting stung for a big round, some people just won't want to go out, and some have probably got really full lives and old friends they haven't seen for years. My advice would be to arrange something lose and casual, and take someone with you, just in case no-one turns up. Good luck!!

Oops, think the lady who did organising is reading this thread- hi if you are! She literally took your good advice and said stuff the menus, meet here at this time. No need for prompting from me. Too funny if her actions were spurred on by good old Mumsnet advice. Thank you all 😘

Ha don't think she'll put her hand up again 🙈

I wouldn’t offer choice. Choose the most convenient pub/café bar that serves food - the sort of place where you don’t have to book a table. Go early so you can get seats. Get together with 2-3 you know best and send a message to the group like:

“Me, X, Y and Z have had a rethink as it was getting a bit complicated. We’re going to meet at Largo Lounge at 7pm for some drinks and food on [date]. If you want to come along for a drink and/or a meal you’d be very welcome to join us. Let us know if you’re coming so we can save you a seat.”

@juliej00ls you are so right.

Don’t give choices it always creates more work

And those WhatsApp chats go on and on and on I switch off reading through them

My advice would be to arrange something lose and casual, and take someone with you, just in case no-one turns up. Good luck!!

I made some really good friends out of the 4/5 core people that used to turn up, so it is worth it really.

I think sometimes people worry about eating out in groups due to the cost/ splitting of bills/ some don’t want to eat or drink... we always meet in a nice pub and that way people can eat if they want and buy their own drinks and food individually.

Too many choices are a hassle. Agree that most people just want to turn up and have a few drinks and a chat. If it were me I'd cancel the meal and just arrange a meet up in a pub/bar for drinks. Some may actually not be able to afford a meal out either, especially if they've got other stuff on within the month but might be to embarrassed to say so, hence the radio silence.

Meal was much too ambitious for a first meet up, especially if people are on different incomes. Stated place / day / time for drinks is much better.

The non respondents will likely be people unwilling or unable to pay for a meal out, or who don’t want to come, who don’t wish to explicitly state this in front of the others in the group.

Always only drinks with these things. Pick the date that most people who want to come can do, pick a pub/bar that's close (presumably you all live close to the school what with catchments being miniscule these days).

Lots of people just can't be arsed with this kind of thing but won't want to appear 'unsociable'.

You'll eventually find they'll be a small contingent who get along and are happy to arrange dinners etc amongst themselves.

The poor woman probably thought she was being nice giving menu choices. But yes, she's best to keep it simple. 'A night out has been arranged at The Hound & Hare on Sept 20th at 8 pm for dinner and drinks - let me know by tomorrow midday if you're coming so I can confirm numbers'. That way if they don't respond on time they are not included.

I would add dinner and/or drinks @drum as that makes it easier for people who can't afford dinner.