To think grown women should be able to read and understand a group whatsapp thread?

[tiggertogger]

Children have all started at preschool. Some mums set up a group whatsapp and suggested a dinner. A date was agreed and one mum asked to enquire with a venue if they had availability.

She came back with saying she'd provisionally booked the restaurant and there was a choice of menus and asking people to confirm and choose which menu. 3 of us answered appropriately, 1 asked for a change in venue, 1 asked for drinks only, everyone else radio silence.

So she said today 'doesn't look like people are keen, I'll cancel' and so far is getting lots of responses 'I'll come" but no one confirming happy with venue or selecting which menu (which was the original question) and the odd responded of 'can we go here', and ' let's just do drinks' Argh, it's so frustrating. I just want to shout, ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION YOU NITWITS but fear I'll make a bad impression. I don't know what she's going to do now as she's no further on and it doesn't seem like these women are capable of answering a simple question.

I'm not made for these groups am I? Tell me it gets better!

I'm getting a bit overinfested I think! Empathy overload.

It gets worse.... escape the class WhatsApp while you can. There's always one or two who post crap/obvious stuff just so you know they exist on a daily basis.

Oh good lord my DD1 just started reception. I'm happy to smile / make brief small talk at drop off / pick up times, but am I really expected to socialise with the other parents? And join a WhatsApp group with them? I can barely keep up with my actual friends and family, let alone find the time to socialise with virtual strangers and deal with 50 tedious WhatsApp messages a day.

Do some of your group members send a lot of WhatsApp messages OP? Because maybe some of the group members can't keep up with the constant messages and missed the one where a specific date / menu was suggested. But all in all it sounds too complicated. I think person x should just write: "Would be nice to get to know you all, lets all meet at [pub name] at [time] on [date]". Done.

YANBU
I organise 2 group weekends away- one families and one women only- these are my oldest and dearest friends.
Trying to get answers on WhatsApp about these weekends drives me nuts

My final comment on this WhattsApp etiquette thread (sorry)
Someone at my DD's school suggested a whip round for an end of term present for teachers and suggested that everyone chipped in £50. Made a lot of people feel really crap that they didn't have that kind of money to fling around.
I'm sure your group wouldn't do that OP, just putting it out there as a cautionary tale!

Polls are a waste of time - I used to do that with the school mums, poll for the date, fix date that was most popular, then people (who had voted for that date) didn't turn up/suddenly couldn't make it at the last minute.

Sadly it gets worse
Basically people don’t really want to go for the dinner but instead of saying NO they do a fake yes for a reason beyond me

Eventually you get the sub groups , where it’s Marginally less flaky !!

If its this much trouble to organise, imagine the palaver when it comes to splitting the bill

Better to just choose a place that can serve food for people who want and just drinks for people who don’t. Find a casual bar with a food menu, pick the date that those who bothered to respond said they were happy with and tell them to arrive at 7.

It's a thankless task.

Years ago, before WhatsApp, my DC started at pre-school. I was new to the area and didn't know anyone. My DC made friends and wanted to go to the park with them after, so I got to know 3 or 4 Mums. We all got on and met up socially a couple of times without the DC.

The Head of the pre-school asked to speak to me one day, saying that one/some of the Mums had felt excluded because they had heard about the night out and hadn't been invited because they didn't do pick up or drop off. I was asked to arrange a "Mum's night" for the whole class, I made the arrangements and posted flyers for it with details of the date (an evening) and venue (a pub).

The Head received a few more complaints:
People in the other classes felt excluded,
The venue served alcohol, and was unsuitable for people of certain religions,
An evening rendez-vous excluded people who worked evenings or couldn't get a sitter,
People wanted to bring their partner.

Sometimes, you just can't win!

This is why I’m glad I keep myself to myself.

Don’t have time for group chats amongst other cliquey parents trying to organise stuff 🤣

I think because it's a new group (and because England, frankly) no one is saying "Hey, how about drinks and food at place x on date y. Who's keen?"

Ah that would never work. Why don't you say, shall we meet at X venue for a drink on Y date around 8pm. Pick a place like a pub or bar where you can reserve a table for drinks for a big group, but also has food available and most importantly people can easily pay for their own. That way when people show up 2 hours late or don't show up at all, it doesn't affect anyone else. Parents will always be a bit flaky on nights out like this and won't want to guarantee they're coming, they often have unpredictable babies at home or other events they'll have to prioritise.

Round here our PTFA reps organise class drinks - either you can maje it or not 🤷🏼‍♀️

YANBU, it never fails to amaze me how feckless some people are.

user1480880826

Better to just choose a place that can serve food for people who want and just drinks for people who don’t. Find a casual bar with a food menu, pick the date that those who bothered to respond said they were happy with and tell them to arrive at 7.

This is what me and my friends do if it's not an "official" night out.. local pub, meet from such and such time... Food available if anyone wants it, nice, relaxed if you want to leave early you can do..

Maybe suggest something like this x

Jesus, who the hell has time for meet ups?? It's for preschool anyway, no one cares.

@Destinesia - you have my sympathy
have some

What’s wrong with WhatsApp groups and meet ups? If you don’t want to go, don’t. Leave the group, it’s not compulsory.

I now have a lovely group of mum friends made from school, we have a WhatsApp group and regularly go out and drink too much wine. It’s turned into a good group of friends. I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.

We had this trouble last year trying to organise a Christmas night out for the school mums my idea of hell. We gave up in the end because no one could decide on a date, time or location!

Radio silence means they aren’t interested.

YANBU but it's not that they haven't read it properly more that it doesn't suit what they want to do so they are trying to take control. It's all a power game. If the person organising doesn't do things they want they'll be moaning about her even though she has taken the initiative.
Agree with others that a poll is the way forward. Also a bar that does tapas or something might be best.

Better just to say:

'Jane, Sarah and I are planning to go out for drinks on Thursday. We'll be at The King's Head from around 7.30 pm onwards. If anyone else is free to join us, we'd love to see you!'.

And then leave it at that...

It’s because they don’t really want to go. They don’t want to say no outright, because they know they should go to keep their little ones included in things. Simple.

Pre school/school mums are not your friends. As soon as your child has a minor issue with their child, they will drop you like a ton of bricks, and become the worst enemy you’ve ever had.

Sounds harsh, but it’s true. I’ve seen it happen over and over again, over the last 18yrs at the school gates. Do yourself a favour, and don’t invest too heavily in these kind of groups.