Petty Domestic One

[Templetonstunafish]

Me and DS got home from baby group about half 12, both hungry. DH is at home doing chores. I ask him to have the baby for 10 min while I make us all (him too) some lunch. He says no because he's busy folding washing, and straight after that he wants to hoover (visitors later). Baby is getting ready for a nap and hungry so won't settle in his playpen. I'm making something for lunch that needs the cooker and don't want to baby wear by the hob. He could easily baby wear and fold washing (as I have countless times) but is angry that I am trying to tell him how and when to do things. Who is being unreasonable?

He is being a tit

Neither of you. It would be nice for him to help but he’s focussed on his current task. Equally, you want to do a task and want him to put his off. Such is life with a small baby that can’t be put down. Is there any reason the baby can’t be in a car seat or basket near one of you while you each accomplish your tasks?

He is 100%

@plunkplunkfizz I mean she's making food because the baby is hungry and cranky, same reason why someone needs to hold the baby because he's hungry and cranky?

Neither of you. Nip this in the bud soon if you feel that he was taking the piss. Because a lot marriages end up failing due to seemingly petty gripes which translate as a lack of respect for one's partner.

I'm annoyed that I'm expected to multitask all the time but if he deigns to do housework/have the baby then that's the only thing he will do.

Yes, I can read thanks. Still think no one is being unreasonable here and it’s just one of those situations that arise where there’s no right or wrong answer. The baby won’t be fatally harmed by being left for a few minutes while they each finish their tasks. It’s a grizzly baby not a miniature god.

God knows, if the DH soothed the baby then his hoovering later set it off it might be another AIBU on that topic.

Personally I don't think it's ok to leave the baby to scream. That's not the kind of parenting we do.

Would you prefer people didn't post in AIBU @plunkplunkfizz

Just put baby down.

Your task is not more important than his. What would you do if he wasn't home?

It takes 2 mins to make a sandwich, put the baby in his play pen.

How much washing do you have if it's taking DH so long to fold?!

Him. It's bloody stupid to have you running between cooker and baby while he's standing there doing his mindful laundry folding. It's hardly bomb disposal is it? Or brain surgery.

Why not just stick baby in the high chair? Near enough to you so you can distract him as you cook, without having to babywear? I used to do it all the time with mine - it was the only way I could shower (used to drag high chair into the bathroom)!

He climbs out of the highchair @sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea I've ordered straps for it!
I'm surprised how many people would just leave their child to cry! I find it genuinely disabling when he's screaming and it becomes very hardnto concentrate on anything else.

I wouldn't leave the baby to cry. You can pop in and out. How old is he? Does he have a chair other than the high chair?

As it is what I did was to stop frying off fishcakes to see to DS and so only did lunch for me and him. DH is now sulking because he didn't get lunch and didn't finish the washing or do the hoovering!

Is he incapable of making his own lunch?
If he didn't do the hoovering or finish the washing why didn't he look after DS?
Is he normally an arse?

He's almost ten months @AmIthough he outgrew his bouncy chair.

I didn’t at any point say you ought not to post in AIBU. I simply explained why I thought neither of you was being unreasonable. I’m very sorry it’s not the answer you were looking for.

You sound somewhat overwrought and you would probably all benefit from chilling the fuck out.

He’s being a tit I agree. Folding washing can wait

I’d just put the baby down and deal with it though tbh, which is what you’d do if he wasn’t there. If baby cries, baby cries.

@plunkplunkfizz have a read back at the tone of your posts and asks yourself who is the one that really needs to "chill the fuck out"

OP, I do understand, having a 10mo is seriously hard work, and puts a real strain on your relationship. My ex was very much the same as your DP - could only focus on one thing at a time, and refused to compromise. We got through it, one way or another, but it wasn't fun.

Oh, and sometimes I used to wheel the pushchair into the kitchen too - at least the DC couldn't climb out of that You're having one of those days. It does get easier

Performance housework! So now he hasn't actually done the chores or had anything to eat - tough

Totally agree with @plunkplunkfizz

Just put the baby down! That's what toys/bouncers/cots were made for! It's a few minutes.

He could have been more helpful, but you do realise many parents have to look after babies and small children on their own. You find a way.

If you have no hight chair straps, put the baby in the buggy.